Bad Fan Fiction Theater

A Sorcerer, a Demon, and Emeralds Part 2

2011-10-09T14:59:00.003-04:00

A Sorcerer, a Demon, and Emeralds Part 2 by Kefka the Dark One
Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog

It gets worse from here, folks!
There's level namedropping, robots, Robotnik turning into a magical wolf, rape, and awkward romance.

Read it here.
Listen/Download here.

Happy Tree Friends: Lark's Secret

2011-09-17T13:05:00.001-04:00

Happy Tree Friends: Lark's Secret by Chagen46
Fandom: See title

This was a listener suggestion from Erika. Thank you so much!

Plot: There's an entire paragraph about tits and a creepy letter that involves threatening rape. And that plot never gets resolved.

Read it here.
Listen/Download here.

Wine Makes You Do Crazy Things

2011-08-13T11:45:00.003-04:00

Wine Makes You Do Crazy Things by SSJ2 Vegeta
Fandom: Dragonball Z

Goku, Vegeta, Chi Chi, and Bulma get drunk and have sex with each other. Did I mention the writing style is...off?

Read it here.
Listen/download here.

Spyro: The Legend of Spyro's Death

2011-08-07T16:54:00.002-04:00

Spyro: The Legend of Spyro's Death by JD
Fandom: Spyro the Dragon

I hope you guys like dragon-guro and plant-rape, because this fanfic's chock full of it!

Read it here.
Listen/download here.

Some news

2011-07-28T18:15:00.004-04:00

Hey, all!

I'll be at Otakon 2011 this weekend, but I promise to have some new readings up next week!

In the meantime, please check out Crap Fic Theater! They're going to have their own reading of Piasa Bird posted soon and there's many other awesome readings of shitty fanfics! So while I'm not posting things for weeks at a time and being lazy, go give 'em a listen! :D

A Sorcerer, a Demon, and Emeralds Part 1

2011-07-07T19:44:00.002-04:00

A Sorcerer, a Demon, and Emeralds by Kefka the Dark One
Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog (with some Final Fantasy VI references)

Sorry about not being around for a while, y'all!

Anyway, here's part 1 of a story about Sonic going cray-cray.

Read it here.
Listen/Download here.

Centipede Crufts and A Crimson Night

2011-04-06T23:18:00.002-04:00

Centipede Crufts by Hans von Hozel
Fandom: The Human Centipede
Pairings: None

The Human Centipede gets entered into a dog show! Yaaay?

A Crimson Night by A Couple Kids Named Us
Fandom: Pokemon
Pairings: Ash/Misty

Ash gets shot to death and Misty doesn't do anything about it. Welp!

Listen to the audiobook here!

Joey, Chandler, Kathy

2011-02-04T15:42:00.003-05:00

Joey, Chandler, Kathy by Allan Smith
Fandom: Friends
Pairings: see title

Another awkward fanfic.
Joey and Kathy are having noisy sex. Chandler tells them to quiet down. Kathy and Joey offer to have a threesome. Sexytimes happen. Also, saliva as lube.

Read it here.
Listen/Download here.

Tenchi's New Friend

2011-01-27T11:52:00.002-05:00

Tenchi's New Friend by Ben Yunik
Fandom: Tenchi Muyo!
Pairing: Tenchi/OC

Tenchi picks up a girl at the grocery store and they have awkward sex. Oh, and Ryoko cries about it.

Read it here.
Listen/Download here.

Revenge That Destroys the Heart

2011-01-22T15:13:00.002-05:00

Revenge That Destroys the Heart by ComicsNix
Fandom: The Little Mermaid
Pairings: Ariel/Eric, Triton/Ursula

After that long gap of nothing, I have once again returned with more ComicsNix fuckery.
This time, we have some disgusting sex between Triton and Ursula, complete with a kind of flowery prose only ComicsNix can write.

Read it here.
Listen/Download here.

Superman: The American Way Part 2

2010-12-31T01:14:00.002-05:00

Superman: The American Way by Pseudonym Incognito Jr.
Fandom: DC Comics

Finally got around to finishing this epic.
More crying. More sex. More death. More crazy.

Read it here.
Download/stream here.

The Nicktoons 9/11 Story Part 2

2010-12-27T19:13:00.004-05:00

The Nicktoons 9/11 Story by William Pearson
Fandom: Hey Arnold!

Ugh, I think I'm all September 11th-ed out now.
The plot: Arnold and his friends remember September 11th by doing shitty class projects, talking about how HORRIBLE and TRAGIC 9/11 was, and listen as Gerald sings a very, very awful song about it.

Read it here.
Download/stream here.

The Nicktoons 9/11 Story Part 1

2010-12-24T19:46:00.002-05:00

Nicktoons 9/11 Story by William Pearson
Fandoms: Fairly Oddparents/Rocket Power/Invader Zim/As Told by Ginger/Chalk Zone/Rocko's Modern Life/Spongebob Squarepants/The Wild Thornberrys/Jimmy Neutron/Doug/Underdog

Merry Christmas! Here's a non-Christmas story for y'all!

On the first anniversary of 9/11, our hero gets his Nicktoon friends and travels by Amtrak to New York for a remembrance ceremony or something. Look, who cares about that. What's truly important is what kind of cars are included on the trains!

Also, this is part one. Part two will follow next week.

Read it here.
Download/stream here.

Get Out the Kleenex Box

2010-12-16T10:47:00.004-05:00

Get Out the Kleenex Box by Chux
Fandom: Digimon Adventure
Pairings: Tai/Sora (one-sided), Joe/Mimi

In this little story, Tai gets all sad and weepy because Sora doesn't love him. Boo hoo.

Read it here.
Download/stream it here.

It Don't Hurt

2010-12-05T15:30:00.003-05:00

It Don't Hurt by Sandi
Fandom: Cardcaptor Sakura
Pairings: Syaoran/Sakura

Apologies for the lack of posts lately! I'm almost done with school, so I'm very busy.
Anyway, this is a lovely fanfic about Sakura Kinomoto being a heroin addict. I think that's all that needs to be said.

Read it here.
Stream/download it here.

Chibi Usa's 7th Birthday

2010-10-28T12:20:00.006-04:00

Chibi Usa's 7th Birthday by Robert Tsunai
Fandom: Sailor Moon
Pairings: ChibiUsa/Everyone else

Just one word.

WHY!?

Okay, okay, I'll explain.
Chibi Usa has her 7th birthday party with the Senshi, who then proceed to have lots and lots and lots of sex with her. It's worse than it sounds, if that's even possible.

Read it here.
Listen/Download the reading here.

Batman and Robocop: The Day the Men Found Love

2010-10-21T12:17:00.005-04:00

Batman and Robocop: The Day the Men Found Love
Author: ComicsNix
Fandoms: See title
Pairings: See title

Yet another masterpiece by ComicsNix. In this story, Bruce Wayne goes to Detroit to visit his cousin, but finds him murdered instead. And so, Bruce teams up with Robocop to solve the murder. Oh, and they have gay sex. Yay!

Read it here.
Download/Stream the reading here.

Guess Who Has a Facebook Fanpage!

2010-10-18T12:34:00.003-04:00

That's right, folks! It's the brand new Official Bad Fanfiction Theater Facebook Fanpage!
No logo as of yet, but one will be made shortly!

Anyway, become a fan and annoy your friends and family to be fans too!

Enjoy!

A Haunting Past

2010-10-18T11:53:00.004-04:00

A Haunting Past
Author: Campfire Tales
Fandoms: Super Mario Bros./Pokemon/Sailor Moon/Super Sentai

Damn, this story makes little sense. It starts off as a goofy comedy (not a very good one), then turns into an action-filled fanboy fantasy (much like Tales of Adam), then characters are suddenly never mentioned again and other characters die off. Then we get a confusing ending with a goofy epilogue. What the hell.

Read it here.
Download/stream the reading here.

Roy Orbison in Clingfilm

2010-10-07T13:14:00.003-04:00

Roy Orbison in Clingfilm (stories 1-3)
Author: Ulrich Haarbürste
Fandom: Real Person fic

I wouldn't necessarily say that these stories are "bad" in the way that things like Natalie's Perverse Secret are. In fact, the whole thing is completely fascinating. While it could be argued that these stories are satire or jokes in some way, I assure you, they are written in 100% seriousness.

Read all the stories at the official site (there's also a link to buy his novel).
Stream/Download the readings here.

Hit the Floor

2010-10-03T11:34:00.003-04:00

Hit the Floor by Joker in the Green Scarf
Fandom: Halloween

Yes! It's October! Time for some terrible horror movie fanfics!
We're starting off with another very OOC Michael Myers and his TWU WUV, another childhood friend character with a shitty life.

Read it here.
Download/stream the reading here.

Superman: The American Way

2010-09-25T12:11:00.004-04:00

Superman: The American Way
Author: Pseudonym Incognito Jr.
Fandom: DC Comics

Special thanks to TokaroCraft for sending this fic to me!

In this trollfic, we have Superman fucking Lois Lane to death, then framing Mongul for the murder and disguising himself as Batman in order to kill him out of spite. Truly, this is a classy affair.

In other news, fanfiction.net has been giving me a lot of error messages lately, so it's a pain to attempt to find fanfics there. Hopefully, this situation will clear itself up.

Read this masterpiece here.
Listen/Download the audiobook here.

Oh, man, it has been two months!

2010-09-24T14:31:00.003-04:00

Hey everyone!
Sorry for the lack of updates the past few weeks. I've been extremely busy with school. Actually, this will be my last term, so I won't have that excuse anymore, will I? ;)

Anyway, I've found several quality fanfics that I'll post soon and a listener sent me something great, too!
Thanks for all of the comments I've received lately and I'm sorry for taking so long in getting back here!

While you wait, you can check out my Twitter and my Tumblr, Electric Franzieland.
(just a warning, my Twitter is locked to keep out spambots. But, if you just send a follow request, I'll accept it!)

ComicsNix Double Feature

2010-07-29T18:45:00.003-04:00

Oh boy! More craziness to hold you over while I go to Otakon!

The Pain of Jean Gray and Logan (X-Men)
Batman in the Bowels of Hell (Batman)

Download/Stream this masterpiece here!

Insane Fanfiction by Insane People

2010-07-02T19:06:00.006-04:00

Not up for reading the giant that is Tales of Adam part 5. So, instead, I read you all some delightful tales of yaoi, gristly death, deviant sexual behavior, and insanity.

The fanfics covered are:

Peter Parker's Last Battle Against Love by ComicsNix (Spider-Man)
The Horribly Bloody Death of Kairi by xXxRs.RiKu (Kingdom Hearts)
Yuffie's Chocobo by EvilRaichu (Final Fantasy VII)
King of the Hill Episode 1: Peggy's Revenge by Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabadu (King of the Hill)

Download/stream this madness here.

Enjoy!

Going Home

2010-05-11T17:53:00.003-04:00

Going Home by Zorina Skye
Fandom: Sailor Moon

Oh man, my throat is killing me.

Anyway, this lovely story screws with the Sailor Moon canon like there's no tomorrow! "Serena" goes to college in California, breaks up with "Darian", meets some male Sailor Senshi, finds out she had a brother in the past, and ends up getting killed by Dues Angst Machina Queen Beryl. Yeah, it's that kind of story.

Read it here.
Download/Stream here.

Next up, Part 1 of Tales of Adam Part 5. I can't wait.

Tales of Adam 4: Revenge of the Zianoids

2010-05-02T12:30:00.004-04:00

Tales of Adam Part 4: Revenge of the Zianoids by Adam Richmond
Fandoms: Tenchi Muyo, Ah! My Goddess, Guyver, Dragonball Z, Detonator Orgun, Final Fantasy VIII, Pokemon (mentioned), Sabrina the Teenage Witch

That's right, another rootin-tootin' chapter of Adam Asskicker being a jerk!
In this chapter, we have Adam teaching Sasami how to play card games, me making an ass of myself by proving I have not played FF8, the cast of AMG showing up and lusting after Adam, pedophile aliens, lots of explosions, most of the characters getting beaten up horribly, Adam breaking up with Ryoko because she loves Tenchi more, an insane Piccolo, the return of FABULOUS Kagato, and the introduction of a boring new original character.

Yeah, it sucks. At least we just have one chapter left!

Download/stream it here.
Read it here.

Sorry About the Update Lag!

2010-04-29T08:51:00.005-04:00

Man, you'd think being a part-time college student would give you more free time.
But, nope, not the case this time. I've been very busy lately with school, college anime club bullshit, and putting up with family. But, don't think I've abandoned you, dear listeners/readers! I've been using some time to look for more horrible fanfiction to cover!

Here's a small sample of what's coming soon:

The rest of Tales of Adam.
Going Home by Zorina Skye (Sailor Moon)
Mou ii Darou by Samiko Maxwell (Yuu Yuu Hakusho)
The First and the Last by W. Siew Lee (Yuu Yuu Hakusho)
Regret by W. Siew Lee (Yuu Yuu Hakusho)
Saga III by Anna Elizabeth (Digimon)
Dancing is My Life, But You Are My Soul by Hellodarinx (Twilight)
Something by ComicsNix. That guy is a nut.

Also, FTP archives are fanfiction goldmines.

Short badfanfics galore!

2010-03-03T13:55:00.003-05:00

I felt like taking a break from Tales of Adam for a while, so I decided to read some short fanfics instead. The lineup is

A Black Day by Oscar
Fandoms: Sailor Moon and Dragonball Z

Basically, Luna fucks Usagi with a dildo while she's sleeping and we find out Oscar is not just a hermaphrodite, he's also a SAIYA-JIN!!!11

Chibi Usa Loses Her Virginity by Hent-Eye
Fandom: Sailor Moon

*sob* This is almost as bad as Jurassic Prick. Basically, Chibi Usa visits Mamoru, who has sex with her despite her being HIS SEVEN-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER.

Diana by Oscar
Fandom: Sailor Moon

Yet another fic with an underage character having sex with their fathers. This time, it's Diana and Artemis.

Eevee TF TG by Xana-William
Fandom: Pokemon

Finally! Something without incest or lolicon! But still pretty terrible. A boy named Phil gets turned into a female Eevee and uses a special Eevee toilet. Yes, I'm completely serious.

Hey Gendo! Stop SKULLFUCKING REI YOU BASTARD! by Insane Noodly Guy
Fandom: Evangelion

An obvious troll/parody fic. Actually, I legitimately find it hilarious, since it's making fun of fanfics with ridiculous fetishes. I guess I should make Good Fanfic Theater.

...nah.

and finally

Lucky Star: Sadness and Sorrow by Metaking22
Fandom: Lucky Star

Konata and Minami are shot to death, everyone cries about it. All set to the Halo theme song.

Stream/download these magical pieces of literature:

A Black Day
Chibi Usa Loses Her Virginity
Diana
Eevee TF TG
Hey Gendo!
Sadness and Sorrow

Kagato's Return (Audiobook)

2010-02-26T12:01:00.005-05:00

Tales of Adam Part 3: Kagato's Return by Adam Richmond
Fandoms: Tenchi Muyo, Pokemon, Guyver, Samurai Pizza Cats, Castlevania, Street Fighter, Hokuto no Ken

My throat is killing me after reading this.
Part three begins right after part two, with Adam and Ryoko returning from their date to find an army of Kagatos (or "Kagato's", as he puts it). Adam then spends the next several chapters fighting more Kagato clones, using his Mary Sue powers, sexing up Ryoko, screaming at Washu about his TWAGIC PAST, and then writing fanfics.
Yeah, I did a lot of shouting in this one.
Also, this is the longest recording I've done so far at 52 minutes and 12 seconds. That's right, you get to listen to me read Mary Sue fanfiction for nearly an hour. How fun!

Read it here.
Download/Stream here.

The Return of Adam (audiobook!)

2010-02-24T14:08:00.003-05:00

Tales of Adam Part 2: The Return of Adam by Adam Richmond
Fandoms: Tenchi Muyo, X-Men, Darkstalkers, Pokemon, Castlevania

Oh god, not this thing again. Yes, that's right, it's another dose of Mary Sue Supreme, Adam Asskicker.
In this installment, he cures Hiwa's incurable disease, kills a group of space terrorists, faces of with his FABULOUS! arch-enemy Kagato, uses his Mary Sue Pikachu in battle, mourns his dead wife, falls in love with Ryoko, kills Dracula in a flashback, and visits the Pokemon universe for a while. There's also a big-lipped alligator moment when Cupid barges in on Adam and Ryoko's date. Yeah.

Read it here.
Stream/download it here.

Also, all you fellow ladies need to watch Ristorante Paradiso.

Sarah

2010-02-15T14:17:00.006-05:00

Sarah by Kaylarules
Fandom: Twilight (but was put in the Salem's Lot section for some stupid reason)
Author's Summary (just to let you know what you're in for):

this is not about saliem lot but anouthr stroy that is sad

A badly written fanfic with bad grammar. Since it's short, I'll post the whole thing here. No, I didn't alter any of this text.

Hi k. This is the story I was telling you about. I'll have to send it in
pieces but its ONE story. It’s called "Being Jacob Black" A summary of
it (because all the stories have summaries) would be- ATTENTOIN ALL JACOB
HATERS AND MEMBERS OF TEAM JACOB. For those of you that hate the teen shape
shifter read this and maybe get a new opinion. For team Jacob members it has
Jacob in it. - Of summary. Put this author’s note at the top separate from the
sorry. A/N- This is written as you being Jacob Black and it goes into his
thoughts during twilight and new moon. It's a one shot and if people like it
I'll make one for eclipse. Have fun being Jake. Story starts now...
So you're a happy kid. You have some nice friends; your dad is pretty cool,
even if he is a little superstitious. You do pretty well at school-you don’t
have to worth to hard. You’ve got a lot of freedom. You love all things
mechanical. At this point life is pretty good.
One day you hear a bunch of kids from forks are at first beach having a
party or something and you and a bunch of other guys decide to crash it. You’re
hanging out by the bon-fire when this girl comes out of the woods that you
recognize as the daughter of your dads best friend. you think she's really
pretty in that girl-next door kind of way, but its more then that, once you
start talking to her your instantly on the same page as her. Kindred spirits.
Bella walks away from all her school friends and is interested in everything
you say. You tell her about the Quilted legends because that seems to impress
her. Who cares about some fake treaty. You know you're infatuated but you also
know she’s out of you league. She’s a junior and your a freshmen. Dream on. You
tell yourself this but you can't help thinking about her. Maybe someday, you
tell yourself
Hey k hers the next installment, sorry my last one was so short, but am sick
and have been sleeping on and off. Story starts now...
Of course now your interested in everything your dad has to say about
Charlie. You keep pushing your dad to make amends with Charlie over the whole
Cullen thing. You think two grown men fighting over whether or not the
neighbors are vampires is the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard. In your
head Billy is in the wrong. You urge him to apologize and when the TV.
HAPPENS to break just before a big basketball game, he does. When he heads up
for the game, you tag along, someone has to drive.(you know your not fooling
anyone, Billy totally sees through you). You can't wait for another chance to
see Bella.
When you get there, you see Bella with a guy in a great car.( the car is
the first thing you notice. Its had tons of work done- nothing stock. Your
impressed). You're secure enough in your masculinity to admit the guys really
good looking. The kind all the girls have fantasies about. Perceptive as you
are you can see sparks between them. You sigh and feel slightly depressed.
Still you knew that you never really had a chance. That a girl like her would
get a guy real fast, a better guy then you. But high school relationships blow
over fast, so you shrug it off and allow yourself a small bit of hope. You
wonder who the guy is and why your dad is acting so strange.
You get a chance to talk to Bella, and its nice again. It's really
comfortable around her. You know you two would be great together if only given
the chance. You ask about the other guy, and it turns out he's a Cullen, so
then you get Billy’s reaction. You have a pleasant night with Bella but she
seems pretty distracted and she's wearing some new perfume that you don’t like
at all. It has a sickly sweet smell that burns your nose. You don’t say
anything in case it offends her.
When you get home, your dad starts freaking out. He calls all his other
superstitious cronies. From eavesdropping in your room you can tell third
telling him that it's none of their business. You agree but Billy doesn't ask
your option on the matter. Your dad thinks this guy is literally some kind of
monster- its so embarrassing. The worst thing the guys probably ever done is be
a spoiled rich kid who gets everything he wants and Bella's the kind of girl
who could cure him of that.

I have no idea what I just read.

Tales of Adam part 1: The Meeting of a New Friend (Audiobook!)

2010-02-13T20:11:00.001-05:00

Tales of Adam: The Meeting of a New Friend by Adam Richmond
Fandoms (so far): Tenchi Muyo, Guyver, Street Fighter, Armitage III, and some Fist of the North Star

Good. Fucking. God.
What the fuck did I just read?

Okay, I guess to summarize, this is part one of a fanfic saga called "Tales of Adam". Here, we meet Adam Asskicker (aka Marty Stu Supreme), a half-vampire jerkass with tons of weapons, insane martial arts skills, his own Guyver unit, and lots of Tenchi Muyo fanfics.

Yes, that's right, he's can travel through anime and video games.

So, basically, he arrives in the Tenchi Muyo universe, becomes the heartthrob of every girl in the series, fights giant monsters, and then leaves for the Street Fighter and Armitage universes.
This is Christian Humber Reloaded Lite. This is truly horrible and I'm a little afraid of what the following parts contain.

Read it here.
Download/Stream my reading here.

May god have mercy on your soul.

Celebrity Orgy (Audiobook!)

2010-02-13T19:13:00.001-05:00

Celebrity Orgy by Sarah Jamsion
Fandom: Real Person Fic

Hoo boy, this fic is a doozy.
Basically, it's about a tabloid reporter who finds out Britney and Christina are lesbians, has sex with them, has them start an orgy, has sex with more celebrities, falls in love with Jessica Alba, and in the end, almost everyone gets arrested for prostitution. Oh, and it was written in 2001, so there's a ton of dated references. Not to mention it has not one, but two cases of "this celebrity is really a virgin, you guyz!"

Read it here.
Download/Stream the reading here.

Have fun!

An Unusual Recruit

2010-02-04T11:22:00.001-05:00

An Unusual Recruit by Anonymous
Fandom: Team Fortress 2

I don't have much experience with TF2 (although it looks pretty fun), but hoo boy, I'm not surprised it has Mary Sue fics. Also, thanks to my friend Sarah for pointing this one out to me!

Our fic begins with a little author's note. Not too unusual...oh, hold on a sec. What's this?

Not Beta'd since my usual beta reader is refusing to do anything at the moment for reasons that will not be divulged to the general public.

...This is going to be gold.

So, the actual story begins with our heroine, Scoota, reminiscing about how she managed to get herself into the war despite being female.

This is not what Scoota was expecting when she signed up for this war. She had trundled to the enrolment office with a grin on her face; the prospect of joining something where she could actually be useful filled her with a grand tingle of joy. Hair crammed beneath a baseball cap she spoke in a well rehearsed voice of an adolescent boy, her imitation obviously up to scratch. Oddly enough she didn’t have a physical, but this was a lucky break for Scoota, her chest was bound and would be a dead giveaway if her baggy shirt was removed. The man at the enrolment desk nodded to her and pointed to a line for her to sign.

Hold on a sec, let me whip out the Mary Sue litmus test. I'll check stuff off as I go.

The next thing she knew, she was whisked off in the back of a van, somewhat strange. Surely others had enlisted to fight? Shrugging it off Scoota curled up in a corner with her bag. She had been given a blue shirt and a map of a building, obviously her to-be base. She sighed to herself and wondered what role she would play in the team she would join. Perhaps she would assist one of the team members, like a second medic. That seemed reasonable, she did have first aid training.

Then again, she had to do a series of athletic tests before being given the all clear to even go to the enrolment office to sign the papers. Maybe she would be used as a runner alongside the scout, doing death defying leaps to secure intelligence. Perchance the engineer would need an assistant, she was quite smart and learnt things quickly, so maybe she could help design and build, even carting metal around would be fine if she could do something to help him. These prospective jobs swam inside her head, making her slightly giddy.

Mmmm! What hunky TF2 character will she have sex with today?

The light still stung her eyes, even with her hand shading them. A dark figure clambered into the back of the van as her eyes slowly adjusted. The figure was male, she knew that much, not as if there were any females on the teams to begin with. He bent down slowly as Scoota could finally clearly see who her transporter was. He had dark brown hair stashed underneath a broad brimmed hat, one side folded up like a traditional Australian digger. His eyes were hidden behind murky aviator shades, but it was clear by his expression he was judging her.

The class of the man suddenly jumped into Stoota’s head, she almost slapped herself for not realising sooner. The Sniper. The Sniper was grinning at her, not a grin of approval or welcome, one that sent a shiver down her spine. It wasn’t malicious, but it was the same troublemaking grin that the boys at her old school would shoot her when she first transferred. Fresh Meat.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!

Nevertheless, the Sniper offered his hand to help her up, which she gladly accepted. Her legs were stiff after the long period of sitting down, she had to shake them to return normal blood flow causing her teammate to raise an eyebrow. He made his way to the back of the van, hopping to the ground and motioning for her to follow. Scoota hurried to get outside the musty confines of the vehicle, jumping off the back to the dusty ground below. She took a deep breath and looked at the expanse before her.

Oh, of course.

The Sniper watched as she looked around in awe. A deep chuckle broke Scoota out of her revere. She whipped her head around to face the Sniper, her face contorted into one of annoyance. He simple looked down and grinned. “Never seen a base before kid?” He said casually, his accent flowing over the words, reminding Scoota of her old home. She nodded slowly, still taking in the fact she was actually here. “Every mans dream is to fight, if you believe the Soldier, that is” The sniper spoke again, his words holding something that Scoota couldn’t pinpoint. “You must be glad to be here ‘ey boy”.

Scoota nodded enthusiastically, adopting her lower voice to speak. “Yeah, I’ve been wanting to sign up for a long time, can’t believe I got to enlist” She answered, grinning from ear to ear. The Sniper chuckled again before leading her to the main building and through the cool whitewashed halls, some more degraded than others, until they reached a huge dining room. Around the long wooden table sat the rest of the BLU team, all of them eyeing up the new recruit.

Scoota reminded herself not to get nervous under their gaze, as she scanned the people in the room. The Medic scrutinized her face, his eyes moving up and down her body as if to see what condition she was in. The Heavy smiled and said something in a low voice about “babies”. The Engineer raised an eyebrow and laughed to himself but still smiled warmly at her. Pyro just looked towards her; it’s not as if she could tell what he was looking at under that mask. Demoman took a swig out of his bottle and laughed shaking his head at her. Soldier was frowning, even though she could not see his eyes, he could tell he was judging her. The Scout didn’t even bother to look at her straight on, just glancing up for a bit before looking at the floor once more, muttering under his breath.

Do I smell a gang rape ahead? Because I'm sure I do.*

Scoota looked to her side only to find that Sniper had vanished, probably back to whatever vantage point he shot from. This left her alone, standing in front of a group of people that were sizing her up. She looked around the room once more, doing a quick head count. Seven? But there were nine members on a team, and only sniper had left. Only now did she realise there was a presence behind her, one she couldn’t see but was there all the same. She moved to hit the man behind her, only to find her hands caught above her head.

The Spy uncloaked himself, and Scoota found herself too close for comfort to him. Spy smiled slightly before puffing some smoke in her face. “If I were an enemy spy, you would be dead by now” he said coolly, but oddly still smiling, releasing her arms and stalking off down the hall. Scoota was left blushing as a huge uproar of laughter erupted behind her. “Spy give ze leetle baby big scare!” Heavy roared, banging his huge fist on the table, still laughing. “yo look at his face” Scout jeered “what’s up chucklenuts? Did our spy make ya piss yaself?”

Oh, I guess it was just the smell of horrible fanfiction.

Scoota bolted out the room, not bothering with her job assignment and briefing. She was mortified and isolation was the only cure. Jogging up the stairs, she extracted the map out of her bag and noted where the dorms were. Moving swiftly, she made her way to the sleeping quarters and fished out the key that was to her room. Inserting the small silver key into the lock, she turned it, the click allowed access to the room and she creaked the door open. The room was barely furnished, with only a bed and a dresser. Guess you didn’t need much during a war, Scoota thought to herself.

She dumped her bag on the dresser and opened the draws. Fantastic, who in their right mind would give her pink sleeping gear? She figured it was another joke the team had pulled one her. The other draws contained more blue shirts and the last draw had a curious black box within it. Taking it out gingerly, she opened the box to find a small revolver and some bullets inside. Extra precaution, she thought, carefully putting the box and its contents back.

Moving over to the door, she quickly locked it and took off her hat and shook out her hair. Even though it was only neck length, her honey blonde hair was already knotted. She quickly slid off her shirt and untied the bandages that kept her womanly features bound. She sighed in relief as the pressure on her chest was lifted. Putting on her blue shirt once more, she closed the drapes over the cracked window and lay on her bed, content to nap until someone needed her.

Is this going to be a TF2 version of Mulan? I bet it is.

She got ready swiftly, and walked to the dining room, her stomach doing back flips. Once she arrived, she could see this would be her worst nightmare. Several bottles of alcohol were crowded around a tiny shot glass. The team were gathered around a single chair, which faced the mass of booze. Medic, Sniper and Spy were not present, but that wouldn’t make it any easier for her. All eyes were on her as she sat before the shot glass, some team members sniggering to each other.

“Choose yer poison laddie” Instructed Demoman as Scoota looked hesitantly towards the bottles. She scanned the labels for any indication of what they were, some were so worn that the names were indistinguishable. She first chose a bottle of vodka that she spotted at the back. The label was in Russian, but it was the only clear liquid and she doubted there would be Gin inside. She poured the liquid into the glass and set the bottle down, looking around as the people around her clambered in for her first shot.

Lifting the glass to her lips she quickly tipped her head back and knocked back her first shot. The liquid burned her tongue and throat, but it was better than any of the stronger stuff. Scout sniggered behind her. “Knew he would choose the girl stuff first” he said poignantly before reaching past her to pick up a bottle of Whiskey. He poured some of the liquid into the glass and set the bottle to the side. “Try sum of that” he said simply. Scoota looked at the glass nervously. She had only ever drunk vodka and light rum, and this would surely make her chuck up later.

She picked up the glass but did not drink, musing about the choice she was about to make. Unfortunately her train of thought was crashed by a loud and gravely voice. “Cowards do not belong on the battlefield!” shouted Soldier “Have you no balls at all son?”. Scoota laughed in her mind at the statement, before knocking back the second shot. The liquid tasted foul and almost threatened to come back up, but she kept it down, pure determination her only drive at the present moment.

Audience: SHE CAN'T HOLD HER LIQUOR!

Soon lithe arms picked her up and made her stand. Scout looked down at her but said nothing as he slung her arm around his neck and held her waist to keep his charge upright. “didn’ know someone so puny could drink that much” he mumbled before hoisting Scoota up the stairs to her room. Scoota could barely keep her eyes open as Scout fished in her pockets for the key to her room. He opened the door and dumped her on the bed. She was too drunk to notice or care that Scout didn’t leave the room straight away, but hovered over her, examining her body.

Scoota blinked a few times and wondered why he was staring at her like that; she was supposed to be a guy after all. Maybe Scout was like, gay or something, she thought before blinking a few more times, trying to get a tiny bit of lucidity in her muddled mind. She looked up as he moved to take off her hat, too tired to stop him. When Scout found the mop of hair beneath, she could see his eyes light up. Did he think she was a gay guy because she had longer hair? That was kind of weird.

Scouts hands roamed her body, hooking under her shirt and pulling it up. Scoota tried to contest, only to be shushed by a fierce kiss to the lips. As soon as the kiss was broken, Scout laughed airily “ya think that drinkin’ was ya only initiation?” he asked, not expecting an answer. He lifted Scoota’s shirt up and shook it off her limbs, looking down at the bandages wrapped tightly around her breasts. “What the hell?” he asked quietly before tugging at a bandage and unwrapping the bonds, exposing Scoota’s breasts to the cool air.

Okay, looks like she gets to have sex with Scout.

Scoota could hear Scout stuck for words. He was gibbering away with half formed words before finally producing a coherent sentence. “Your a CHICK?” he exclaimed loudly, before being shut up by a hand over his mouth.

What about my chick!? >: (

Scoota had sobered up slightly and was shushing the damn Scout. “Yes. I am a girl” She said with confidence, clearly more sober “And you better not blab this to anyone”. Swatting her hand away, a grin slowly slid its way onto the scouts face “I wont tell nobody dollface, as long as you do somethin’ for me”. Scoota was about to ask exactly what he wanted, when she was again met with a kiss.

Scout was on top of her before Scoota could say anything. His hands were wandering over her torso, stopping every so often to massage and pitch at her breasts. Scoota moaned deeply as Scout suckled at her neck, his hands caressing every inch of her bare skin, the sensation more intoxicating the alcohol in her system. Soon Scouts mouth moved lower as he undid the clasp of her pants and pulled them down, along with the underpants underneath. One of his hands began to tease the moist nest between Scoota’s legs, drawing a long moan from her mouth.

Scoota could tell he hadn’t much experience dealing with a woman, but he certainly made up for it with enthusiasm. Scouts mouth was over one of her breasts sucking and nipping as he inserted a finger into her, moving it in and out haphazardly. Scoota howled in pleasure, clutching at the sheets underneath her. However, soon the pleasure ceased as Scout removed his hand and straightened up, unbuckling his own pants. “My turn toots” he whispered

He pulled down his pants and underwear, exposing his manhood. Precum glistened in the low light of the room as Scout stroked himself a few times before lifting up Scoota’s legs. He positioned himself at her entrance and gradually pushed himself in, the feeling of being filled causing Scoota to pant and moan. Soon he began thrusting, grunting softly and moving at a steady pace. Scoota clawed at Scouts back, moaning and breathlessly swearing. The slap of skin against skin resonated in the room, both parties’ moans becoming far more frequent.

Looking up, Scoota saw that Scout was concentrating on the task at hand, his face as contorted in determination and pleasure, his mouth open to breathe easier. She watched his muscles move as he thrusted, the world seeming to slow down as they made love. Scout was so filled with reckless abandon; Scoota guessed that was what made him tick, what possessed him to take such a dangerous job.

Scoota cried out as she reached her climax, her body clenching in blissful spasm. Scout came soon after, collapsing on top of Scoota, breathing heavily. Carefully, he extracted himself from her body and held her close. She laughed, out of breath and spent. “So you won’t tell anyone?” Scoota asked. “Not a peep” Scout replied, kissing her on the lips quickly before cleaning himself up and dressing. Scoota smiled warmly as Scout left her room, so what if someone figured out who she really was, she didn’t regret it at all.

And that's where it ends. Honestly, I was expecting a gang bang with Scout, Medic, Heavy, and maybe Spy. But, yeah.

Oh, and the Mary Sue test? She got a 15. But then, it's pretty short.

*gang rapes smell like gyros.

Jurassic Prick (Audio!)

2010-01-29T11:14:00.001-05:00

Jurassic Prick by Mitchell St. John
Fandom: Jurassic Park

Oh, god, I hard a hard time reading this one.
This is probably one of the most ridiculous "erotic" fanfics I've come across. Dr. Grant gets an erection from everything, Lexie and Timmy are eager to have sex with him, and Dr. Grant has no hangups about having oral sex with two children.
Also, the story is split into two parts, but I had to cut off my reading quickly because, well, it would be awkward for my family to hear me reading a story about two kids having sex with a grown man. So, feel free to read part 2 at your own leisure (it's not very long).

Download/Listen on 4shared.
Read it here.

Full House fanfiction bonanza!

2010-01-04T21:09:00.002-05:00

Happy new year, everyone! To celebrate the start of 2010, it's time for a marathon of horrible Full House fanfiction!

The Letter by ThePotterWay

So, in the final episode of Full House, Michelle goes horseback riding, falls off her horse, hits her head, and gets amnesia. Well, in this fanfic, Michelle dies instead. And you have this told to you no less than three times in this goddamn fanfic. And it's a fucking one-shot. Oh, and the author says that she doesn't care if people say it sucks. "Look how much I don't care, guys!"
Update! The author has added a new and even more terrible chapter! Go read!

The Baby Blues by Jacktupgirl

Honestly, I'm not too fond of the whole "OMG So-and-So and Whatshisname get married and have tons of kids!" plot in fanfiction. Probably because the whole childbirth thing sickens me in general. But, anyway, in this...lovely fanfic, practically every character is now married and has kids. Even the goddamn dog. Stephanie gets teen pregnant...with triplets and then she ends up getting hit on by this guy named Hunter and then it ends. Yeah, this fanfic is a complete trainwreck.
Some choice lines:

“We gave you an ultra sound and found out your pregnant with triplets! This is very odd in teenage pregnancy. You’re about 3 and a half months along and you are definitely showing! We figure your due date is about June 15th” exclaimed the doctor she left the room.

Stephanie couldn’t believe it. She clenched her stomach “You did this to me. You made me pregnant with these babies. It was my first time, you know that!”

"Comet, what did you do when you got that golden retriever from down the street preggers?" she asked, feeling silly confiding in a dog.

Update! The author has added more awful chapters!

Tanner Vendetta by GogoYubari69

Now, I like dark comedy as much as the next person, but this fanfic is way too much. Basically, Joey goes insane and starts raping and killing the rest of the characters. Seriously, dude, I don't like Full House either, but I grew out of the Assassin section of Newgrounds after sixth grade. And relying entirely on shock value for humor is pure laziness.
Some choice lines:

All of a sudden, she released a bloodcurdling scream. "JOEY'S RAPPING THE TWINS!"

The only reason they dated was because Steve liked his wang masturbated when he stuck it between her rolls.

Telephone by Nasty Quasimodo [Update: The fic has now been removed. Sadface.]

Stephanie tries to kill herself.
Stephanie becomes a suicidal cutter.
Stephanie has sex with Jesse.
Stephanie jumps out of a window.
Jesse kills himself.
What.

Diasuke The newest Tanner by Lokabo

Someone's trying to do My Immortal for Full House. They're failing miserably.

Boys, Please Don't Go by sunshineday123

Remember the one fanfic I did where Seto Kaiba's son gets kidnapped and then I had to wade through the POVs of these insane pairings? This is like the Full House version of that fanfic, except Nicky and Alex die and everyone angsts about it. Also, how the fuck did they die? You'd think there would be an explanation for dead 4-year-olds.

And so, that concludes my slightly belated New Years blog post. Let's hope I don't have to find another creepy sitcom fanfic for a while. Uggh.

Christmas Audiobooks!

2009-12-24T18:37:00.001-05:00

That's right, everyone, my Christmas gift to you all is not one, but two readings of awful fanfiction classics!

First up is Harry Potter Turns to the Lord, where Harry Potter meets a Mary Sue who makes him a Christian! Christmas is for Jesus after all!

Next is Piasa Bird, the prequel to David Gonterman's infamous fanfic American Kitsune. While this one isn't -as- horribly racist as AK is, it still has plenty of Mary Sue-ness and awkward race relation topics. As well as dated '90s references.

Download or stream both at 4shared
Harry Potter Turns to the Lord
Piasa Bird

And read along!
Harry Potter
Piasa Bird

My throat is rebelling against me now, so have a Merry Christmas, everyone!

Christmas Shoes

2009-12-24T15:03:00.001-05:00

Christmas Shoes by Anberu Shiruru
Fandom: Twilight

Well, it's Christmas Eve, which means it's time for a horrible Christmas-themed fanfiction!
And not only is this awful fic based on Twilight, it's also based on the worst Christmas song in history, "The Christmas Shoes".
Yes, that "Christmas Shoes".

Since the fic is so short, I'll just post the whole thing here.

Okay this is a story based off the song ‘Christmas Shoes’ by NewSong. If you haven’t heard that song then you need to go listen to it, it will set the mood for the story. But I warn you that if you get emotional over sad stuff that, that song will make you cry, I cry every time I hear it. I know a lot of people do stories to this song, but this one is a little different.
I need to give you some background on Edward’s life cause if I don’t then you will not understand this story at all. Okay first off everybody is human in this. Second Edward is with a guy named Blake, cause you know I have to make Edward gay. Third, they have a three year-old daughter named Ember Rose(I love that name) that they adopted after being together for four years. Okay you have all that?
Disclaimer: I do not own twilight
Edward Cullen walked into his two bedroom apartment in a daze. It was Christmas eve and he had almost forgot to get his daughter a gift. So he had went to the store that morning, hoping to get the gift and get out. But when he was in the line the weirdest and most touching thing had happened to him. It had brought his Christmas spirit back full force.
Edward shook his head and went to go look for his boyfriend and his daughter. He searched the whole house and found them sitting in front of the fire, eating cookies and milk. Edward smiled at his family and went to go sit with them.
“Hey,” Edward said as he sat down and gave his boyfriend, Blake, a kiss on the cheek. He smiled at his daughter as she flew into his lap with a squeal of “Daddy.”
“Hey sweetheart, how are you?” He smiled as he planted a kiss on her head of auburn hair.
“Hi, daddy. Look we made cookies. They have sprinkles and are shaped like Christmas trees. They taste good, do you want one? Papa helped me make them, but I did most of the work. Please eat one, daddy,” Edward smiled amusedly at Blake as his daughter talked a mile a minute. He looked down at the colorful cookies and took one with a smile.
“Mmm, their good, Ember. You make good cookies,” He said, laughing as his daughter giggled in his lap.
“I know I do daddy,” Ember said smugly. Edward laughed outright at the smirk his daughter was wearing. For being three years old, their daughter was to smart for her own good.
“Hey do you want to hear a story?” He asked. He knew she would want to hear it. She was not able to read yet, so she had him reading to her and telling her stories all the time.
“YES,” She squealed, jumping up and down in his lap.
“Okay, Okay calm down I’ll tell you,” He laughed. He leaned up against his boyfriend and started his story.
“Okay, this is a true story. It happened to me in the store this morning and I wanted to tell you about it. Okay so, It was almost Christmas time, there I stood in another line. Trying to buy that last gift or two, not really in the Christmas right in front of me, was a little boy waiting anxiously. Pacing round like little boys do and in his hands he held, a pair of shoes.”
“His clothes were worn and old, he was dirty from head to toe. And when it came his time to pay I couldn't believe what I heard him say,” Edward lowered his head, tears already forming in his green eyes.
“Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please. It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time, you see, she's been sick for quite a while and I know these shoes would make her smile. And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight,” Edward raised his head to see tears forming in Blake’s and his daughters young eyes.
“He counted pennies for what seemed like years, then the cashier said, "Son, there's not enough here." He searched his pockets frantically, then he turned and he looked at me. He said, Mama made Christmas good at our house though most years she just did without. Tell me Sir, what am I going to do, somehow I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes,” Edward wiped the tears from Ember’s eyes as Blake tightened his hold on him.
“So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out. I'll never forget the look on his face when he said Mama's gonna look so great. Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time. You see, she's been sick for quite a while and I know these shoes would make her smile, and I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight.”
“I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love, as he thanked me and ran out. I knew that God had sent that little boy, to remind me just what Christmas is all about,” And with that all three of them broke down into sobs, praying that, that little boy got those shoes to his mom in time. Ember grabbed onto her daddy and cried, thankful that both of her daddies were with her this Christmas.
Edward didn’t say anything else, he just laid back with his boyfriend and daughter and they all fell asleep by the fire.
The next morning found Blake reading the newspaper, waiting for his daughter to get dressed so they could open the presents. He turned the pages and accidentally came across the obituaries. He came across one that made him spit out his coffee and tears fill his eyes faster than they ever had. It said:
Emily Maxwell
January 17, 1973- December 25, 2008
Emily Maxwell was a wonderful mother and wife to her husband, Ethan Maxwell and her son, Adam Maxwell. She will be missed terribly, and her memory will be cherished by all. She died last night a couple hours after their family opened their presents. The present she got from her son was a pair of red velvet Christmas shoes, that she will be buried with. The son Adam Maxwell would like to send out thanks to a man named Edward Cullen, that helped him buy the shoes. He said that those shoes were just what his Momma wanted.
Blake smiled and whispered “Merry Christmas Adam.”
I’ve never actually written an obituary so that’s probably not right, but I wanted it to say all that, so please don’t send me flames about how I didn’t write it right. I have only seen parts of the movie Christmas Shoes, so I don’t remember the child’s or the mother’s name, so I made all the names up.
This is my readers Christmas present a little early, cause I won’t have a computer on Christmas day to post this, so MERRY CHRISTMAS! R&R
P.S. I know this fanfic is kinda shitty, I don’t want flames on how badly this was written, I was in a hurry to get this finished so its not my best!

Well, at least the author knows it's shit.
Merry Christmas, everyone!

Einstein Who's he?

2009-12-15T14:39:00.001-05:00

Einstein Who's he? by ILIKENICK
Fandom: Family Matters

I have no idea what's going on in this fanfic. All I know is that it's Stephan/Eddie and there's MPreg. Yeah.
Since it's just one chapter long, I'll post the whole thing.

Name of story:Einstien?Who's he?
Chapter rating:T
Chapter name:Prologue
Nobody's POV
"Uh,Stefan,no,I can't do,ahhh,keep doing that,no,not right now ,ahh,yeah,no,not right now!"Edward Winslow begged his lover of one year.
"But,Eddie,when will be the next time we do this?Come on,really,eddie,when's the last time we did this?"Stefan asked his lover,kissing him soundly on the lips.
"Uh,I can't remember,but,what if we get caught?Laura is gonna freak,and I don't want her to be mad at me when I'm supposed to be the driver for her and five other friends to one of the most unheard of places there's ever would be one tense drive and you know I can't have that much tension with being eight weeks gone and ,and my mom almost caught on to my being was talking about what we should have for christmas dinner and she got really detailed and it made me so sick I passed out for three hours.I-"
"Oh my gosh,baby,are you okay?"Stefan asked his lover,worried expression evident as he stroked Eddie's cheek,looking into the man's eyes as if he was trying to reach into his soul.
"Yeah,I'm fine but I still feel a little weak but it's nothing to worry about."
"Are you sure?I mean,I can take you to a doctor-"
"Yeah but if you do that,mom's gonna wanna know why and you know we can't out ourselves now.I just want you to hold don't we just say we're going out for the day,just say it's boy's day and just go to a motel and just stay the day,relax,have fun,do what we want ya know?I just want you to hold me for today,okay?I had a fight with waldo and he got me in the shoulder and I was really scared and I just want to be held,ya know?"
"Yeah,I 's go.I can't wait."Stefan said,pulling his lover up and doing up his pants before walking out of the room,dropping Eddie's hand as they went down the stairs.
"Ah,,Eddie and I have decided to have a boy's will be spending the night in a motel and will be back before dinner tomorrow."Stefan told Eddie's mother,sitting in the chair and grabbing a book,looking it over and tossing it back on the table.
"Okay,but I want you to be back before lunch,okay?We're gonna have ham,patatoe salad,green beans,black eyed peas,and for desert,hot fudge sundays-"
"Oh god!"Eddie said before lunging towards the bathroom,tripping over the leg of the table and landing on his stomach.
"Eddie,baby,are you okay?"Stefan asked,rushing over to Edward before realizing what he said.
"So my suspicions were right,you are haven't you told me yet?I would've understood."Harriet asked,helping her son up and going to get a rag to clean him up.
"Well,we were gonna tell you at christmas."Stefan said,sitting down and pulling Eddie in his lap,wiping the back of his neck with the rag Harriet had brought out.
"You're pregnant,aren't you."It was more of a statement than a question but Eddie answered.
"Eight doctor said the morning sickness would last for a couple more months judging by the also said that I should try and take it easy,try to relax more than normal."Eddie said,leaning into his lover's touch,relaxing fully into the warmth that he felt so safe in.
"Well,maybe you should go on now,I'll clean up here and tell everybody about boy's day .Bye baby,have a good time and just relax,okay."Harriet waved the boys goodbye and then went to cleaning the floor.
Once they got to the motel,they got a room and set about stripping to there boxers and getting in the bed,relaxing and falling into a deeply needed before they could fall asleep,the soft exchange of words made both of them smile lazily:"I love you."
Well,how was it?I don't know if there's any slash pairing such as this.I just hope it was well written.I know I haven't updated What's mine is yours in forever but this just came to me,ya know? Oh,please tell me how it was and please,I'm open for any ideas on the next chapter for What's mine is .Oh,this is going to be a chapter story and Steve was somehow stuck as Stefan and this is a world where male pregnancy is capable but some people still aren't comfortable with homosexuality,though.
Sincerely,
ILIKENICK

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaah. This made no sense. At all. Also, there's spaces after commas, FYI.

Back to You (audiobook!)

2009-12-11T14:36:00.001-05:00

Back to You by All Hallows eve baby
Fandom: Halloween

Guess what, everyone! It's an audio reading! Read by me, Franzie von Karma! Isn't that awesome!?

Download it at my 4shared account here.
Also remember that 4shared has MP3 streaming. Don't want to download it? Just have a listen!

And, because the holiday season is upon us, I've included one more audiobook as a bonus!
It's a reading of the classic Artemis's Lover that I did months ago when I wanted to do a line of readings for "erotic" fanfics called Night Mode. I have no idea if I'm still going to do it, but I don't want to let this reading go to waste. Download Artemis's Lover here!

But wait, there's more! You can also read along with these lovely readings!

Back to You
Artemis's Lover

Have fun!

Natalie's Perverse Secret (NWS!!)

2009-12-07T16:10:00.001-05:00

Okay, taking a break from the Freddy Kruger-raping, let's do something worse. Much worse.

Natalie's Perverse Secret by Patentleather1
Fandom: Natalie Portman

Ah, yes, the joys of real life fic. None of it is creepy at all, no.
So, let's begin with the introduction:

Hello everyone. I have finally written about a sexual fantasy of mine that I have had for quite a while on the very beautiful and sexy Natalie Portman. I think Natalie Portman is a goddess and she is the hottest girl ever. This is a fantasy of mine about her in a fictional story where I am dating Natalie Portman, where I get to act out all my fantasies and fetishes with her. The story does include pedophile content so I must say up front that I do not approve the practice of involving real children for sexual purposes, it is only fantasy in written form and should never be practiced in real life. I must also say up front that this story does not in anyway reflect the sexual orientation or practices of Ms. Portman or myself. It is just fantasy for the sake of entertainment. Although I must say that I do wish like hell that I was dating Natalie Portman.

...Aspergers much? Oh, yeah, that's right, there's pedo crap in this story. Literally.
Okay, so, our author here introduces us to his girlfriend, Natalie Portman (in case you forgot her name already).

My name is Adam and I must say that I am the luckiest guy in the world, for I have as my girlfriend the goddess Natalie Portman, the female star of the Star Wars prequels. We started dating a few months ago and she is madly in love with me. I must say that years before we started dating I have had a major crush on Ms. Portman, and have fantasized about many romantic occasions with her, and also sexual ones where when I masturbate I would have the most intense orgasms with my thoughts on making love to her.

Get used to this writing style. Just wait until we get to the dialog.

Natalie Portman and I met at the premier of Star Wars Episode 2 in May of 2002, and I still remember the first time I saw her in person, and the sexy cloths she was wearing. She was the one who broke the ice with me for I was to dumbfound to even talk to her, like a boy in junior high with a crush on a girl. She took notice to the fact that I was a big sci-fi fan, and since she was never a fan or knows anything about sci-fi she wanted to get to know me more to see what the world was like for a die hard sci-fi fan like myself.

Ah, yes, every nerds' fantasy.

After the premiere we went out to get a coffee and we really hit it off. Our causal relationship soon turned into a dating relationship, and within the next few months we were in a serious relationship. Our dates went from going to get coffee or McDonalds to going to fancy romantic restaurants. Because of the kind of dates we were going on I knew she was turning into my girlfriend. The physical aspects of our relationship were slow. I was anxious because if you can believe this I am still practically a virgin and quick and ready to have sex. Natalie Portman is a virgin to, only I did not know it at that time.

*snort*

For with me it is because I do not do so well with the ladies, and with her she is so busy with her acting career.

...I'm pretty sure busy actors and actresses can make time for sex, but well, sheltered nerds and all.

Within the first month of dating she would let me hold her hands. It was not until the second month that we kissed for the first time. By the third month we were french kissing, and by the fourth month we were making out on a regular basis. By the fifth month she was ready to have sex with me for the first time.

This should be a chart or something.

I remember the first I had sex with Natalie Portman. We were both dressed in semi-formal wear for a date. I had on casual pants and a dress sweater with a sports jacket, and Natalie had on a very sexy red party dress with black silk stockings and a pair of very sexy 4-inch heels. When we came home that evening we made out on the sofa as we kissed and french kissed passionately that Natalie finally made the move on me. In the midst of our make out session she grabbed my hands and put them to her breast. I felt up her breast through the fabric of her dress. Then on impulse she sat me back and then with her and unzipped my pants. I was so caught up in the moment that I felt completely mesmerized and did not resist her in the slightest. Then she reached underneath my underwear and pulled my raging hard on cock out of my pants. Then she started to stroke up and down on my shaft with her hands, and oh man did it feel great. I masturbated several times and had great orgasm, but it never felt the same way ash she was jerking me off. Well her hand job did not last long for she knelt down and put my cock in her mouth. I felt like I was in heaven, for here my favorite girl in the whole world was giving me my very first blowjob. I felt sensations like I never did before as I saw Natalie's head bop up and down on my raging hard cock, feeling the intense sucking as she strived to take the whole length of my cock down her throat. After several thrilling minutes of her giving me a blowjob and I could not take it any more and grabbed the back of her hair gently to give her a signal to let her know I was about to come. She just continued to suck hard on my cock expressing she wanted to swallow. Then I exploded into orgasm and shot what I felt like gallons of white sticky cum in her mouth and then she pulled her mouth off my cock and swallowed my love juice.

...Dude, are you sure Natalie's a virgin?

Then Natalie told me it was my turn for me to please her. She started to take off her red party dress only to reveal that that she was wearing only a black thong along with the black silk stockings and 4-inch heels. She pulled her thong down off her legs, only to reveal to me the cutest snatch I have ever seen. I have seen many pussies over the years through porn mags and videos, but I never saw one as such as sexy and cute as hers.

It was so cute, it had Hello Kitty tattooed on it.

I first licked her labia and then I spread her labia wide open, and then I began to lick deep into her cunt. I found her cunt hole but it was still closed by her unbroken hymen, which revealed to me that she was still a virgin, her self.

Quoth Wikipedia:

The hymen is a fold of mucous membrane that surrounds or partially covers the external vaginal opening. It forms part of the vulva, or external genitalia.^[1]^[2]^[3] Despite this, it is not possible to confirm that a woman is a virgin by examining her hymen.

So, we get more details on their first time and it's so perfect and wonderful and no awkwardness of any kind.

Over the next several weeks and month Natalie and I fucked like rabbits. We fucked at least once a day, as she gave me blowjobs, and I ate out her pussy. When we actually fucked one another we did it in the missionary position but also other positions as well. We tried doggie style, her on top of me, me on top of her, us lying beside one another, me on a chair with her on top, me standing up and holding her while I fuck her, and even cowboy style. Yes I fucked Natalie in every position we could think of, and we did it all the time. We did it every evening and even a lot of morning we would do quickies when we would get ready for work, as I would pull my cock out of my zipper and she would hick up her skirt or dress and we would fuck really quick before we left for work. When we left for work after we fucked it was hard separating us for our deep and passionate kisses. After several months of hot passionate sex, and even though it never got boring, we decided to try out other sexual things to spice up our love life. By do this we agreed to reveal to one another each of our secret fantasies and fetishes and fulfill them in one another. I agreed with her that after she made known a secret fantasy of hers to me and I fulfill it then I could do the same to her.

Yeah, we get it, you like to screw Natalie Portman. Sheesh.

Natalie's first fantasy she revealed to me is that she can cum sometimes just by manipulating her breast. So her fetish is that she fantasizes of a person nursing on her breast and sucking milk out of her breast as she gets off on it and cums from it. So she took off her shirt and she was not wearing a bra underneath it. Her breast are small, and I know that some guys are into big breast but I am not. Natalie's breast are perfect, for they are very perky and her nipples stick right out. She then sat on the couch and I lay down next to her and put my head over her lap. She then grabbed my head and pulled it to her right breast, and I open my mouth to receive her perky nipple into my mouth. I begin to suck on her nipple as if I were a baby breast-feeding. I could tell she was getting horny and excited because her breathing got heavier and heavier and then she began to moan loader and loader. Soon I was able to extract milk from her breast and I began to drink her milk. Just then she was able to bring herself to orgasm and she came. After I finished breast-feeding from her right tit I pulled my mouth off her tit and noticed a wet spot on the crotch area of her jeans where she had cum.

Trust me, it gets worse.

Then Natalie asked me what my fantasy of mine that I wanted fulfilled by her. I held my breath with nervousness and then revealed to her my shiny patent leather mary-jane shoe fetish that I never told anyone about until her. I told her that I have a major fetish for girls shiny dress patent leather mary-jane shoes, that I must have a thing for schoolgirls and the schoolgirl look along with shiny schoolgirl shoes. There is nothing I love more than to see a girl wearing shiny dress shoes, for I think that the shininess of the leather of girls dress shoes makes me go sexually crazy.

Yes, he gets turned on by shoes.

Well Natalie held her end of the bargain and the next day she went shopping. When she came home she revealed to me that she bought a schoolgirl uniform that included a white silk blouse and a plaid skirt, white nylon tights, and the best thing of all she bought the sexiest pair of shiny and glossy black patent leather mary-jane 3-inch pumps with buckle and strap. When I saw the cloths and shoes she bought I went immediate crazy with sexual lust. She wasted no time going into her room and getting dressed up in the schoolgirl uniform that she bought along with the white nylon tights and the patent leather mary-jane pumps.

Yeah, we get it, she had on nylons and mary-janes.

Natalie went over to the couch and sat down on it. She called me over to her, then had me kneel down to her feet. She lifted up her right foot until the shiny patent leather pump was right in front of her face. She commanded me to worship her shoe, to which I was glad to. I stuck out my tongue and began to lick all over that shiny glossy shoe, first starting from the toe, then all around the shoe, then all over the heels, and then finally I even licked over the shiny strap that held the shoe onto her foot. After I was finished with her right shoe I did the same exact thing to her left shoe. I just love the sensation of my tongue running all over that slipper slick leather, and by this time my cock was throbbing for a release, and Natalie knew it.

But wait, there's more!

She had her feet in such a way that both shoes were rubbing up against my rock hard cock at the same time. The shiny and glossiness of her patent leather mary-janes made the shoes slippery and they easily slid up and down the shaft and head of my cock. This gave my cock just as good of stimulation as it would be in Natalie's mouth or cunt hole. It took no time for me to cum, and when I exploded into orgasm it felt like a waterfall explosion and it looked to be about gallons of hot white sticky sperm ejaculated out of my cock and shooting onto her new shiny patent leather mary-janes. Soon her new glossy mary-jane pumps were completely soaked and drenched in my sticky white juices. Natalie then reached down to her feet and unbuckled her shoes, and then she took them off and pulled them up to her face so she could lick all of my white cum off of her shoes. While she was licking all my white sperm off of her shoes I quickly grabbed her feet that still had on the white nylon tights, and I pout them up to my face and began to smell her stinky feet. When she saw this she responded.

And now we get to the priceless, robotic, Asperger-fueled dialog!

Natalie: I see that you have more than just a patent leather mary-jane shoe fetish. For you seem to be getting yourself sexually off by smelling my stinky feet.
Adam: Yes I think you are right. I not only have a fetish for girls who wear shiny patent leather mary-jane shoes, along with the schoolgirl uniform; I get obsessed with girls feet. Always wandering what they smell like.

Natalie: But doesn't the stinky smell of my feet turn you off?

Adam: It should, and on anyone else it would, but your feet could stink to high heaven and I still would be turned on. Yes the smell of your stinky feet turn me on.

Natalie: Ok then smell away and get yourself off as you please.

And so, Adam smells away.

And that is exactly what I did, while she cleaned off the rest of my white sticky sperm off her shoes with her mouth and tongue, and swallowed it, I continued to smell her feet until the odor from her feet caused me to have another orgasm. Natalie was so shocked and amazed that not only would I love to smell her stinky feet, but that I was able to have an orgasm from it. I told her it was sort of like when I sucked her nipple and breastfed and she climaxed from that. Then she understood and let me fulfill my fetish at any time I wanted to. On a regular basis I would lick her shiny black patent leather mary-jane pumps after she wore them for the day, and then I rubbed them against my rock hard cock until I ejaculated my load onto her shoes over and over again, When she was not around I pulled those shiny mary-janes out of her closet and masturbate to them. I even smelled her stinky feet inside her shoes, which was enough to get me off and make me cum. Almost every day when she came home from work she relaxed on the couch, and figuring that her feet would be the stinkiest after a whole day of her feet were not aloud to breath from being in a pair of shoes, she would take off her shoes and let me smell her stinky feet. It got me sexually excited every time she let me do that, but sometimes I would orgasm from it and other times I would not. I guess it depends on the mood I was in and how horny I was at the time when she let me smell her feet.

I'm not sure how I would feel if my boyfriend started masturbating to my shoes when I wasn't around.

It was Natalie's turn for her to share another one of her fantasies with me and for me to fulfill it, and when I asked her what it was she replied.
Natalie: Not only have I always wanted to experience a guy fucking me in my cunt I have always fantasized what it would be like for a guy to take me from behind and penetrate me in my asshole.

Adam: So you are interested in anal sex?

Natalie: Yes I definitely am. I want you to fuck me in the ass. I want you to lick my anus and then ram your cock in my rectum!

Adam: Oh WoW a girl who is into anal sex. That is my fantasy as well. I lam also obsessed with girl's assholes and have fantasized about doing a girl in her ass

Natalie: So I see that not only do you have a fetish for girls shiny patent leather shoes, and her stinky feet, but you also have a fetish for their stinky assholes?

Adam: You got that right!

Natalie: Ok then lets stop talking and cornhole me.

BEEP BOOP NATALIE-BOT CRAVES ANAL SEX BEEP WHIRR

So, then we get a lovely detailed account of Adam having anal sex with Natalie. Afterwards:

Adam: Well Natalie did you enjoy that?
Natalie: Oh yes I definitely did! I love getting fucked up my asshole just as much, if not

more than getting fucked up in my pussy. How about you? Did you like the smell and

taste of my asshole, and did you like having your cock buried deep in my anus? How do

you compare it with normal intercourse with your cock in my cunt hole?

Adam: Oh I loved it just as much if not more than having my cock in your cunt hole. I

definitely love the stinky smell of your asshole, and the taste of your anus. I especially loved the way your sphincter squeezed down on my cock so when I came it made it all the more intense. Thanks Natalie for being my girlfriend and giving me such great sexual pleasure!

Natalie: No problem Adam the pleasure is all mine. I love having you as my boyfriend and experimenting with all the sexual acts. I want to continue.

And so, it gets even worse.

I gave Natalie's a turn to reveal another secret fantasy and for me to fulfill it. She said that she wanted to take things up a notch and try bathroom games. She wanted to strip completely naked, then get into the bathtub and have me urinate on her. So I said I would do it. We took of the shirts off that we were still wearing, which then we were completely naked from head to toe since we were naked from our waist down. I still loved looking at Natalie's small perky tits with the nipples sticking strait out. For that started to get me hard again. Natalie led me up to the bathroom, and then she lay down in the tub. She asked me if I need to go pee, and when I said to her that I do not need to go now she told me to turn on the water in the sink and stare at it. I did so as she requested and after a few minutes at watching the running water I had to go, and I had to go bad. Then she told me to come over to her in the bathtub and point my cock at her and pee on her. I did as she requested and pee started to flood out of me like it was the Niagara Falls. I pissed yellow pee all over her body, while she was masturbating herself by rubbing her clit. I aimed my cock at her tits and pussy directly and pissed yellow pee all over her perky tits and pussy while she continued to masturbate herself. Before I could finish off my pee she grabbed my cock while I was still peeing like a racehorse and she aimed my cock directly at her open mouth. Then I pissed a boatload of hot yellow piss in her mouth. I filled her mouth with piss to the point that it was overflowing and the excess pee ran down her mouth and onto her chin and shoulders. After I finished peeing she had a mouth full of my hot yellow piss and she drank all my pee that was in her mouth. After she finished swallowing all my pee she was able to reach another orgasm as she masturbated her clit, and when she came her girl cum came out of her and mixed with my piss, and oh let me tell you quite a smell that was. It turned both of us on!

Jesus. H. Christ.

After she came down form her explosive orgasm, and I recovered form my long massive piss, Natalie got out of the bath tub and asked me what I would like to do next, since it was my turn to reveal another fantasy of mine. So I told her that I wanted to continue our bathroom games but push the envelope a little farther. I said to her that I have had fantasies where girls would shit on me and I play around in their shit. She found it no surprise since I do love girl's stinky feet and their stinky assholes. So she beat me to the question of asking her for the request for her to take a shit on me. So she agreed but she said that she did not need to poop at this time. So she went over to the medicine cabinet and got out some laxative and she ate it and said it would take a few minutes to kick in. In the mean time she came over to me and we kissed passionately while still completely in the nude. I could smell the sour odor and taste the tangy taste of my piss that was still in her mouth as I kissed her and french kissed her. Then after a few minutes of passionate kissing we felt her bowels kicked in and she needed to take major poop. Then she had me lie down on the bathroom floor, and then she squatted over me. I felt the nervousness and anticipation of having her shit on me, and having the whole bathroom stink for her nasty feces. Then as she squatted over me she pulled her ass cheeks apart only to reveal to me her tight pink puckered anus again. Then she asked me if I was ready and then I confirmed with her that I was. All I could see then was that she pushed like she was having a baby. And then she let out a big nasty fart and then her sphincter opened up and then a big thick long brown turd of shit came out of her anus and landed on my chest. She had more shit to go but she stopped at that point so she get up from squatting and then kneels down besides me. Then she smeared her stinky brown feces all over my chest, legs, arms, shoulders, and finally my face. The bathroom stunk so bad form her shit that Natalie was holding her nose with one hand while she was smearing the shit all over my body with the other. She was so amazed at how turned on I was, even in spite of the foul odor. After she covered my body from head to toe in her nasty brown feces she got up off the floor only to squatted over me again so she can take another shit on me and empty her bowels which were still full of her own feces. But this time I directed her ass over to my face and aimed her asshole right over my mouth, then she asked if I was sure I wanted to eat her nasty shit. When I confirmed with her that I definitely wanted to she then pushed again like she was having a baby and her sphincter opened up again and I saw another nasty long think brown turd of shit come out of her anus and into my mouth. When she was finished getting the major turd of shit out of her bowels she shit some more, but it was loose shit that even turned into a little diarrhea, which either went in and filled my mouth or completely covered my face in nasty and stinky brown solid and liquid feces.

...Why?

After Natalie completely empties her bowels she farted a couple more times and then got up from squatting over my face. She just sat there with a look on her face that of discussed but also extremely horny. She sat there and watched me go to town feasting on her nasty and stinky brown shit. She watched with her hand over her nose and the other hand masturbating her clit. Then I went to town eating and feasting on Natalie Portman's nasty and stinky brown feces. While I was eating her shit Natalie took her hand away from her nose to embrace the nasty and stinky smell that flooded the bathroom. Then she took a hand full of own her shit and then went down to my cock and began rubbing her shit all over my extremely rock hard on and used her own shit as a lubricant to masturbate me with. As I chewed and swallowed her nasty shit that was in my mouth Natalie continued to rub my rock hard cock with her own shit as she continued to rub her own clit. Soon I was finished eating her brown solid nasty stinky shit and now I was drinking the rest of her loose diarrhea. After that the both of us were ready for an orgasm, and Natalie timing it right caused us both to climax at the same time. She shot her girl cum all over her clean hand that she was masturbating her clit with, and at the same exact time I ejaculated a boat load of white sticky cum out of my cock. My white sperm shot all over the place, but mainly landed on my body which mixed with the brown stinky shit that completely covered my body. After we both climaxed with both got into the shower at the same time and took a shower together. She washed off the my nasty yellow pee stains that was on her body and face, and in her mouth, and I washed off all of her nasty brown stinky shit stains that was completely covering my body and face, and in my mouth. As we washed each other's bodies clean we made out my kissing and french kissing passionately. Soon we were both clean and smelling fresh again after our shower together. Then we got into casual cloths and sat there on the couch snuggling and cuddling together while we reflected on the nasty and perverse bathroom sex acts. That we just performed.

WHY!?

Just when I thought that we had done the worst, and the nastiest sex act a couple could possibly engage in I was about to get the surprise of my life time when Natalie revealed to me her next fantasy. As we sat on the couch cuddling together I told her it was her turn to reveal yet another one of her fantasies and for me to fulfill it. At that time she was getting very nervous because since I asked her to do my nastiest fantasy of having her shit on me and for me to eat her shit, she was ready to reveal to me her nastiest and extremely perverse fantasy. But I could tell that she was nervous and tried to ask her about it.
Adam: What is wrong Natalie. You know whatever nasty fantasy you have I will

understand and try to fulfill it.

Natalie: I do not know Adam. You might not go for this one for it is a social taboo as well. I have to at least tell you up front that I think I am bisexual and I also have fantasies of girls.

Adam: Well no problem there is nothing socially wrong about being bi. For I must admit I have had fantasies of you with other girls like your costar Ashley Judd whom you played along with in the movie "Where the Heart Is." After I have seen that movie I have fantasized you and Ashley doing nasty lesbian sex together. Also when I saw your movie that you stared in called "Anywhere from Hear" and saw that Thora Birch had a cameo I fantasize you two doing it together. And when I saw Star Wars Episode 2 the chick who played the young Beru, Bonnie Piesse, I fantasized you two doing nasty lesbian sex together.

Natalie: Wow I never new you had those kinds of lesbian fantasies of me before. But I guess it come as no surprise since must guys get off on lesbians. Oh well I might as well tell you. In additions to have lesbian fantasies I also have pedophile fantasies.

Adam: WHAT!!!!

Natalie: Yes it is true, but it is specified. I do not like little boys but only little girls. So I guess you can say I have lesbian pedophile fantasies.

Adam: Well how young do you like them?

Natalie: I have had sexual fantasies of being with little girls as young as 7 years of age.

Adam: WoW, how long have you been attracted to little girls and known that you have lesbian pedophile tendencies?

Natalie: Oh I guess since I started puberty and started menstruating and getting interested in sex. I think I was 13 year sold when I starred to notice little girls and come up with sexual fantasies of me molesting them and having lesbian sex with them.

Adam: WoW, I will be understanding of course, and your secret is safe with me. I especially should be understanding since as you know I have a fetish for schoolgirls and have even had fantasies of being with little girls as young as 9 years of age.

Natalie: Wow, I had no idea that you like little girls as well. It seems that we share another sexual fetish and fantasy together.

Adam: I do not know how I will be able to fulfill this fantasy but give me a few days think about it.

Natalie: Ok but if you cannot come up with something I will understand, especially fulfilling that fantasy is a social taboo and can cause you to go to jail and for me to loose my acting career.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYY!?

Well I gave it a few days and just when I was about to give up on thinking on how to fulfill this fantasy of hers a thought came into my mind. I just came up with the perfect idea Natalie to fulfill her fantasy. My baby sister is about to get remarried. Up to the point of her meeting her fiancée she was a single mother of a very cute and pretty 7 year old little girl. My niece's name is Veronica, and she is a lovely little 7-year-old girl who has long strait blond hair and blue eyes. She would be the perfect match for Natalie to make pedophilia love with. I also came up with the perfect plan to make it a reality. Since my sister is getting married she asked Natalie and myself to be in the wedding party. We accepted and her fiancée asked me to be the best man, and my sister Jennifer asked Natalie to be one of her bridesmaids. This excited Jennifer because she was going to have a celebrity be one of her bridesmaids. Jennifer was going to have her daughter Veronica be the flower girl. Well the plan was that I called my sister and told her to cancel the babysitter for Veronica for the weekend she was going to be away on her honeymoon with her new husband. I told Jennifer that Natalie and I would watch her and she would be safe. My sister agreed and thanked me because she would not have to pay a sitter now. Well my plan was now in full swing.

Oh. My. God.
To summarize the horrors that follow: Adam and Natalie have graphic sex with a 7-year-old girl.

It goes on for ten paragraphs.

And so, our story concludes:

Natalie: Adam I think it is time that we get married. Are you interested?
Adam: Yes I kind of am, but why now? We are living together, our relationship is going great, and we have great sex together? So why would you want to get married?

Natalie: Well for one thing I that since we have shared our most intimate and perverse sexual interest, like your scat and shoe fetish, and my pedophilia fantasies, I think it is time that we tie the not. Plus I wan to get pregnant and have m very one little girls so I can have sex lesbian mother and daughter incestuous sex with her when ever I want, and you can have strait father and daughter incestuous sex with her when ever you want. Plus we could always have a threesome already in our own house and in our own family. We will give a new meaning of keeping it in the family.

Adam: Ok then lets get married!

I could tell by the look on her face that she was excited about my accepting of her proposal, and so then we made plans to get married. All I could do the is think what life would be like if and when we do ever have that daughter that Natalie wants. But right now I do not care for I will be marring my favorite sex goddess in the whole world who is the sexy actress Natalie Portman.

The End!

What. The. Fuck.
This story makes me want to die. It manages to be one of the most repulsive, disgusting stories. Almost as bad as Agony in Pink. I hope the guy that wrote this feels ashamed of himself for thinking up this piece of garbage.

No Bird Without a Sigh part 3

2009-08-23T17:03:00.001-04:00

Okay, after that little lecture there, it's time I stop being so lazy with the updates. We have a horrible fanfic to finish!

No Bird Without a Sigh by FreddyJason27
Fandom: A Nightmare on Elm Street

Okay, Lori has just woken up from her dream sex with Freddy:

Lori was in absolute pain, after waking from the dream she went to the bathroom to check her injuries. Her entrance was bruised and bleeding in some places, making her look like some whore who had actually taken the beeting.
Wiping her eyes of any tears she promised herself right then and there. "I love Will." She said it to herself in the mirror, staring into her own grey blue eyes. "I love Will." Lori then rubbed some medicine over her entrance, being careful not to cause further damage and went back into her room.

Oh, now you decide you love Will. Sheesh.

The time was 1:00 in the morning, she had to get back to the camp. Lori still had all her things in her bag, which was in her trunk. Sneaking out her window and down the ivery on the side of the house she made it to her car.
It sat there staring at her with what seemed to be bug's eyes. She clicked the button and it unlocked, or, so she thought.
At first the door wouldn't open, and as Lori tugged the car seemed less inclined to open for her. A silent wind blew and she could have swore she heard, "your mine now Lori."

Ruh roh!

She shuddered and clicked it some more till she heard the click of the lock. Lori averted her gaze to the front of the car...did the front lights just blink? Her footsteps made no sound across the rough grass of Summer, as she moved to where she was standing in front of the car.
Instead of having the eyes of a bug they had Freddy's eyes, they were huge but they glared at her. His charred eye lids coming down to glare at her with icy blue, it was a creepy sight and Lori made her way back into her car. Turning on the ignition she looked into the mirror.
Freddy was sitting in the backseat, his eyes blaring at her with the intent to kill. He leaned forward to where his elbows rested on Lori's and the passenger seat head rest. "Where the fuck do you thing your going bitch?" His voice was cold and harsh and Lori merely shook with the sudden feeling of being cold. The air kicked on and sprayed her sweating face.
"I am going back to the campsite, I love Will." Freddy chuckled something sinister and her eyes returned to the mirror. He had those elf ears again and his teeth were sharp, his skin was redder than usual and his eyes were colder than ever.

Well, at least Lori realized how much of a dick Freddy is (although I wouldn't be surprised if the author thinks that Freddy trying to control Lori is the sexiest thing on Earth).

"Remember who you belong to bitch!" He lept forward to her and she flinched, Lori's eyes were bloodshot and tears streamed down her cheeks. Freddy chuckled and sat back, his demon face gone once more.
"I never will belong to you, ever!" Lori shot back and backed the car out of the drive, Freddy seemed suprised and his demon exterior came back. He lept forward, cursing her in every way.
As she drove down the highway to the camp she looked into the mirror, she was on the edge of Springwood but Freddy was staying. Lori was growing impatient, she snapped at him, maybe it was being tired or she got fed up. Maybe it was both but Lori sure wasn't going to take that.
"I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR SHIT IF YOU WANT SOMETHING THEN GO AHEAD AND TAKE IT, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVEN'T TAKEN EVERYTHING FROM ME ALREADY! YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Freddy looked taken aback and Lori looked back to the road finally.

Yay! Go Lori!

A honking filled her ears and the car swerved, Lori screamed and she felt a hand rest on top of her's. It steadied the car and another hand rested on her shoulder, not as cold as the hand on her's but warm. As the car came back to being straight she noticed that it was Freddy's hands.
His glove was on top of her right hand that was on the wheel, and his left hand was on her left shoulder. His cheek was pressed against hers and she could feel his warm breath on her features.
Lori was breathing heavy but Freddy was looking straight ahead, his eyes were slightly wide but he was probably trying to see the dark highway. His hand remained where it was and she somehow felt secure that Freddy was there.
A thought quickly crossed her mind and she turned her head to look at him. Why had he saved her? Why hadn't he just let the truck flatten her and take her soul?

...Are you shitting me?

Freddy didn't look at her, he kept his eyes on the road, hand still on top of her's. He must not have really cared about what she was thinking because if he had been looking he could have told what she was thinking. His left hand remained on her shoulder, a steady warmth, and his right hand stayed on top of her's.
"Freddy?" Finally Lori managed to say his name and he carefully turned his head, just barely to look at her. The road ahead was clear and Lori was pretty sure they were on the right side of the road.
"Why did you...do that?" Lori's voice almost cut out as Freddy's face twisted into an ugly snarl. His icy blue eyes blazed with some new fury that Lori had never seen before.
"Would you want to be flattened by a two ton truck? Why don't you just fall asleep and I'll put you fucking through it?! If you don't crash and die here first!" Freddy spat and Lori looked back to the road suddenly feeling like a trashy whore again.

Oh, Freddy~ *swoon*

"Go away!" Lori yelled and Freddy turned his evil glare back on her.
"What did you say to me bitch?!" His voice was harsh and cold as ever, as his icy blue eyes blazed on. Lori was at a lost of words for a moment before finally finding some courage to muster.
"I said leave me the fuck alone Krueger!" Lori yelled once more wanting to move her hand from the wheel as Freddy's finger blades were digging into her skin.
"Oh back to last names are we bitch? Well I got news for you, you'd be road kill if it wasn't for me and you know what else? Your my bitch now and what I say goes. So if I want to stay here and rape you in this fucking car I will!" He growled and bit her neck, drawing blood, and marking her as his own.

Come on, Lori, you can resist him!

Lori screamed and took her left hand from the wheel, grabbing his ear, and pulling it off. Freddy pulled back and howled, as Lori reached into her bag.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" Freddy sounded angry and she could note a look of horror past his face for a moment before pure rage.
"Bye - bye Krueger!" She yelled and popped the bottle of Hypnocil. As she put it near her mouth, Freddy put his hand over her mouth and his other bladed glove on the wrist that held the bottle. Lori felt more tears well up in her eyes, as Freddy looked at the bottle with disgust.
"You little bitch." He growled, "you actually planned to take this poison eh?" He looked to the bottle then rolled down the window without even touching the button on the seal.
"It's better than kissing your fucking mouth!" Lori screamed as the air kicked on cold air, making goose bumps rise all over her skin.

*waves pom-poms* Go, Lori! Pop those pills!

"Is that right little bitch?" Freddy growled and his mouth was close to her's now. "Well, we'll just have to see about that." He through the bottle out the window and pressed his mouth to Lori's. She squirmed and tried to hit the gas petal but it wouldn't move.
Freddy's left hand came around the headrest and to the other side, holding Lori by the shoulders to the chair. His right came and cut up the middle of her shirt, also cutting her bra open to his hungry gaze.
Lori flushed and Freddy smirked, "it's nothing I haven't seen before." Lori squirmed harder now but it was all in vain. Freddy's tongue became ubnormally long and moved all over her chest, lingering longer over her nipples. Lori gave an involuntary moan and she knew Freddy had won.
Freddy smirked with victory and Lori found herself no longer sitting in the driver's seat. She was sitting on Freddy's lap, he was sitting in the driver's seat, and she was morally straddling his waist. His eyes were half lidded, but they were intense with passion and lust.
"Now little bitch, time to teach you who's in charge." Lori shivered and Freddy smirked once again...

...........*cries*

Ahem. Okay, let's get ourselves back together and go onto chapter 5.

So, Freddy rapes Lori, yet again. And this time, she enjoys it. Hear that? It's my feminist ideals weeping. Also, everything about Freddy is described as "demon" or "demonic". Like that's supposed to turn me on. Puh-leeze.

By now a great bloody bruise between her breasts was forming and she dug her nails into his shoulder blades harder and harder. Lori was riding his two fingers harder and harder, she was sweating and Freddy felt himself getting hotter in the crampt space.
Freddy made the fan kick on and pelt him with cool air, Lori's finger nails broke through his sweater and she ripped the front of it open. Her fingers moved over the heated flesh, feeling the charred and burned skin under her fingers.

Why the hell would anyone want to touch that!?

Freddy's breathing was eratic as the girl rode his fingers, her chest was moving rapidly. Lori looked down at him and misty gray met icy blue. Her lips crashed onto his and tongue's mingled. Lori tasted her own blood and as Freddy tasted both her mouth and blood he groaned.
Freddy added a third finger and Lori moaned loudly, pulling back from the kiss and grabbing the charred are were his nipple would be. Lori pinched hard and Freddy gasped, letting the air out slow as she bit hard on his bottom lips. Freddy growled and yelled as Lori ripped open his bottom lip.
Lori lapped up the blood, making Freddy growl once again. "Bitch." He growled and groaned again when Lori clenched around his charred left hand fingers. Freddy's erection was sticking out but his pants were restricting his large size.

I think I'm going to throw up...

Lori felt herself coming close and she groaned, grinding down hard on Freddy's fingers, which were right above his pulsing cock. Freddy was about to explode but Lori came first, he watched as the moon struck Lori's pale sweaty flesh and blonde hair.
Angel Bitch
That was throught that came to Freddy's mind as he grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. Lori put her hand on the back of Freddy's head and kissed back, massaging his tongue with her own.
"Freddy." She groaned and her hands moved over his chest. Freddy fell back in the seat and let the air conditioner cool his charred flesh as Lori lie her head on his shoulder. Freddy didn't move but he scowled down at the back of her head and he sat there with an erection straining his pants.
He eased open the zipper but a light hand stopped him. Freddy growled at her and she smiled at him something sinister.

Boy, do I wish the movies put emphasis on how large Freddy's penis is.

"Wait." She whispered and pulled herself off of him and aloud his cock to spring from his pants. Lori didn't lower herself on top of him, instead she put her hand under his chin and made him look at her. "Payback's a bitch wouldn't you say Freddy?"
Freddy didn't have time to react as he found himself pressed into the middle back seat. His hands were restrained at his sides, and his ankles were held down to the floor.
"What the FUCK!" He yelled and struggled against the binds that held him down to the car. Lori was smiling and Freddy felt his powers slipping away.
"It's amazing what you can read in books Freddy." Lori whispered and Freddy stared at her as she stroked the side of his cock. Freddy took in very deep breaths and tried hard not to moan and groan. He shivered instead and watched as the girl flicked her tongue over the head.
"Bitch..." Freddy's voice failed and he shook his head side to side, trying to stop himself from shaking and shivering under her touch.
Lori smiled and gave the head a light suck making Freddy suck in a heavy breath.

Okay, what the hell is going on now? Onto chapter 6 to find out!

"Bi-Bitch get the fuck off of me!" Freddy yelled and Lori just smirked, she could tell from Freddy's hardness what he wanted, but she had no intention of giving it to him. After what he'd done her entrance could only handle fingers, no large cocks tonight. Lori had every intention of leaving him begging.
Lori pulled off the shredded remains of her shirt and let them drop to the floor boards, she removed her pants and soaked underware. Freddy's eyes watched her movements like a hawk, the graceful coil of her body, and the way her hands moved across her own skin. She pulled Freddy's sweater and undershirt down to where they were just around his wrists, and his pants down around his ankles, stopped by his large combat boots. The only thing that pretty much didn't moved was his glove and hat, his eyes holding her misty blue.
Lori moved her fingers over his charred chest, finding the place where his nipple would have been and clamping her teeth around it. She could feel the slight nub left behind and her tongue teased it while she sat in his lap, it was hard considering his cock was sticking straight up. Freddy groaned with the action and hissed, letting out a stream of curses.

OH GOD WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PUT HIS CHARRED NIPPLE IN YOUR MOUTH!?!?!

Lori was going to stream this out as long as she could, make him whimper if she could, but she highly doubted it. She moved down and slipped her tongue over his cock making the Dream Demon above her hiss with absolute pleasure and anger. Why wouldn't she hurry along with the show? She suckled his balls making Freddy groan and shake, writhering in an attempt to get free. As she felt his body tense, and seed come up his cock...she pinched the head. Freddy cried out and squirmed, trying to release himself.
"Bitch!" He cried as she teased the slit with her tongue, his cock pulsing, and he was trying to release. "S-Stop!" He yelled, the air pelting him and her back as the sweat rolled down his chest. As his cock calmed down and she traced a drop of sweat up his chest and to his neck. "Bitch! Why the fuck did you fucking do that?"
Lori smiled, making eye contact with him, "I just want to torture you." She knew better than to kiss him because he probably would have bitten her tongue off so she lightly nipped his lip. Freddy growled at her as she lowered herself again, she remembered what Freddy told her never to do again...but he deserved it.
Finding his entrance she shoved her fingers into him and he hissed with pain, she didn't even prepare him but for some reason he dimly welcomed the pain. Lori pushed in and out, beeting a steady rythm.

WHY THE FUCK IS SHE PUTTING HER FINGERS IN HIS CHARRED ASS OH GOD OH GOD EW EW EW

Freddy's cock was growing harder, and he felt himself giving more pre. He groaned out loud and shook with absolute pleasure as she sped up the pace, but she stopped short and he cursed loudly. Lori pulled up into his lap and kissed him, hard.
Freddy opened his mouth as she opened hers, tongue sweeping over each other, and dueling for dominance. Freddy won out and he plundered her mouth as her tongue ran over his, helping him along and the Dream Demon growled and gave a hard groan as she rubbed her core against his stomach.
He swore if this bitch didn't put herself down on his he'd go insane, she rubbed herself, but never impaled herself on his cock. She ran herself over it but she never got on him, and Lori felt herself moaning. Lori stopped abruptly and closed her eyes, she kissed him and he kissed back. She smiled and pulled herself from the Dream World, she felt Freddy's pull but resisted.

Oh thank god it's finally over. That was one of the most disgusting sex scenes ever.
So, Lori wakes up and drives back to the campsite. All her friends wake up and she makes up some excuse about how long she was awake. So, then we find out more about Lori's pals.

Rain pretended to like Lori, but she was always batting her eyes at Will and trying to weasle her way into her bed. Lori knew she was a slut, she'd slept with the whole jock teams...every single one of them. Any jock team, Hockey, Football, and Baseball.
Rain was only dating Micheal to get to Will, but Will was so in love with her, Lori. Lori felt awful all of a sudden, she was a slut...well...sort of. She was...confused, Will was love, and Freddy was lust. Lori felt like she was more a slut than Rain, but Rain didn't love Will. Lori did, at least she thought she did, and this added to her confusion.

:psyduck:
Then we're treated to petty teenage behavior blah blah blah. Then they go swimming *yawn*. Oh, here we go.

Lori felt a hand clap over her mouth and she was covered up by the bulk of Micheal. "Hey little bitchy Lori. You know I'm really tired of your teasing." Lori squirmed and Micheal chuckled. She kicked him and he growled. He ripped away her shirt and Lori felt tears as he touched them, she could feel something hard against her thigh.
No one was going to save her as he pulled away her underware, and then she felt it. In an instant after he touched her core all she felt was cool air. She pulled back her underware and a pair of pants. Lori heard a gushing sound and her stomach turned, and her tent front was sprayed with a thin line of blood. She dimly heard the words, they seemed demonic and hard, like some sort of animal...and her eyes grew wide with fear...she knew that voice.
"Nobody, nobody touches Freddy's bitch!" Lori's throat clenched as the flap to her tent breezed open ever so slightly and she moved to the back of the tent. She heard a splash and then the chilling breeze came again and she shivered. A blade ran down the tent flap, opening it to the visitor outside. She saw the hat and then he tipped it up, revealing his lower face and she gulped.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

"Am I dreaming again...or are you here...in the Real World?" Freddy was close to her face a moment later and she closed her eyes. She could tell he had his demon face on, pissed at having to save her in this world and the fact that she left him the other night.
"Open your fucking eyes, or else I'll cut you eyelids off." She did and she saw his bloodshot icy blue eyes. His elf ears and sharp teeth were there and Lori could see his skin had gotten redder than usuall. She could tell through the moonlight that filtered into the tent.
"F- Freddy." She said as calmly as she could and put her right hand on his chest, the Dream Demon cast a quick glance to it then to her. "T - Thanks." Freddy paused as she saw his mouth twist back from it's snarl to just loosly hang, and his eyes lightened if that was possible.
"If you really think that's what I came here for...or that little thing is going to save you your dead fucking wrong." Freddy growled and pulled her down to her back, and Lori leaned up and kissed him before he could do anything. She rubbed his ear and Freddy growled, putting his gloved hand on her wrist, and pulled it away from his ear. He pulled back and narrowed his eyes at her but she simply sucomb to him.

Jesus christ, this gets weirder by the second.
Okay, next time, we're doing the last two chapters! Let's see if we can refrain from crying or throwing up this time.

What to do if someone doesn't like your fic

2009-08-23T16:07:00.001-04:00

No, I'm not writing this because another person got offended by my comments on their fanfic/fanart (thankfully, it's been very quiet since that one and only time). I just decided to write this after finding myself reading a bunch of fanfic/fandom blogs.

Okay, so, you write yourself a fanfic and you think it's pretty awesome. You put it on Fanfiction.net or someplace and you wait for the incoming comments.

Well, you get comments alright. Just not the kind you were hoping for. These comments are bashing your fic like there's no tomorrow. You find it on bad fanfiction blogs and whatever. So, how should you handle this situation?

1) Stay calm.
I know, it's not like there's a horrible death plague going around and there's mass panic in the streets. However, this is something a lot of fanfic writers and fanartists forget. Just seeing all of those negative comments makes you want to scream and tear out people's throats, right? And you just want to tear them a new one and you start typing up a nasty reply on a blog or message board or whathaveyou. Well, stop. Turn off the computer moniter and go chill out for a bit. Like I said, it's not the end of the world if you get bad comments on you fic. Getting negative comments about things you've done happens to everyone.

2) Watch what you say.
So, you want to write a response to whoever said bad things about your fic. Okay, fine. If you decide to write a response on the spot, though, your thoughts aren't going to be as rational and clear when they are when you're calm. I've seen many a fic writer go onto GAFF or DeviantArt mere minutes after they see a negative comment and just go crazy. DO NOT DO THIS. I guarantee, you are going to be treated as a joke and no one will take you seriously. Not only that, if you come to regret the things you've said, just like in real life, they can't be undone. There are always chaches and screencaps that can come back to haunt you. #2 goes hand in hand with #1. If you feel like you must write a response, then go chill out first. Once you're calm and collected enough, then start writing. If you feel yourself getting emotional again, then take a break and come back to it later.

2a) Terms to avoid in your response

"Don't like, don't read!" (ever hear of bile fascination? That's why a lot of us read bad fanfics in the first place)

"You're just jealous!" (99.9% of the time, we're not)

3) Sometimes it's best not to fight back

Ever go to Encyclopedia Dramatica? In many an entry, it'll be noted that the subject tries to get ED to take the article down. What does ED do? They just laugh at them some more. Depending on who the comments are from, it's just a good idea not to give them more ammo. Don't email them. Don't comment on their profiles. Don't ask them to take their comments down. In some cases, it's not even a good idea to delete their comments. They will know and they'll give you more hell for it. If you can, just report them and move on.
Some people are more generous than others, though. If you remain clam, be polite, and not try to pick a fight with them, then they might take their comments down. Hell, that's what my beef with that one girl was. If she just asked politely if I would remove my comment about her picture instead of trying to pick a fight with me, then I would have. However, she chose to go the dramalama route, which just made her look like a complete joke.

4) Ask for honest critique instead

This is a big one. I'm sure most fic writers want to improve their writing. So, ask for honest critique! DO NOT ASK IT FROM YOUR BESTEST BEST FRIENDS UNLESS YOU KNOW THEY WILL BE BLUNT AND HONEST WITH YOU. Most likely, your friends and parents are just going to tell you it's "perfect", just so they won't hurt your feelings. It's a better idea to find someone you don't know on a message board or blog and ask them to critique your story before you post it.
If your story was already posted and you got negative comments, ask those commenters (unless they're ED or 4chan) how you can make it better. It's true, some stories will be a lost cause (mostly due to icky subject matter). However, most can be saved. And remember: IF YOU ASK FOR CRITIQUE, NO MATTER HOW HARSH IT IS, TAKE IT. Don't give excuses about how you can't or won't. Because, once again, you'll be treated like a joke.

5) Above all else, be polite and respectful, even if the commenters aren't.

So, that's my advice. Yes, I'll still be putting badfic on here. Just remember not to be like MissMysty and become a Drama Lama.

No Bird Without a Sigh part 2

2009-06-20T18:41:00.001-04:00

No Bird Without a Sigh by FreddyJason27
Fandom: A Nightmare on Elm Street

So, we left off with Lori going on a camping trip with her dad and worrying about Freddy getting back at her for raping him. Meanwhile...

Freddy paced his boiler room, in a fit of anger. Lori was gone, and she'd fucked him into that bed so many god damn times. Freddy felt his crotch tighten at the memory.

Oh, well then.

Lori's tight heat was something he missed and he wanted to rape that bitch so hard she would be screaming for mercy. But would Freddy give it? Hell NO!
Freddy's blades scratched the boiler on his right, causing the steam to coming shooting out at him, and he was covered in steam. He was covered in it, sheilding him from view of anything else. "I'll get you Lori, and when I do you will scream for mercy."

Was he covered in steam? I have to know!

So, Freddy merrily goes off and kills another girl. Meanwhile, Lori is out camping at Not!Camp Crystal Lake, as the author would like us to know. We also meet her friends, Will, Rain, and Michael.

"Hey! Over here!" She called and Will turned to her flashing her a bright toothed smile. She felt guilty, that dream about Freddy, and this longing to touch the dream demon. Will's smile dropped also as he saw her's had faded.
"Lori?" His voice questioned, "what's wrong?" Lori gave him another fake smile, standing and pulling her feet from the water. She felt the dribbles down her legs and kept up her fake smile for Will. Her mind screamed that she loved Will, but something dark inside her said other wise.

Sorry, Will, you have no chance against that hottie Freddy.

"Nothing the sun just got in my eyes." Lori lied and Will smiled at her, wrapping her in a warm and tight embrace. But that was just it, she almost begged for Freddy's needed it. The rough treatement, the rough yet soft sweater. His perverted hands running over her curves, his breath, hot as steam, running over her features. That tongue finding all her weak points.

Oh my stars, how scandalous! *fans self with hand*

"Come on let's set up." Will said holding up his sleeping bag and his tent. Lori nodded and followed Will, setting the tents up below a large tree that grew by the lake. Lori didn't speak, but she heard the voices of the others. Although she heard, she did not listen, her mind was on something else. Freddy in particular.

Well, no shit.

The afternoon was crisp and she could feel it growing cooler, as the first night of summer neared. Lori had found her way back on the dock, imagining Freddy as he came up and grabbed Jason Voorhees, and trying to drown him. She remembered tackling him, seeing that demon face.

Wait, what?

Taking a deep breath she took in the marelous view before her. As she tipped her head back she felt the wind brush against her in view neck.
She imagined Freddy's teeth giving a powerful nip, making her bleed, and then swaving it with that demonic tongue. Lori restrained from moaning out loud as Will came down the peer.

...*shudder*

"Lemonade?" Will asked holding out a sweating glass to her, another glass for himself as Lori took the one he held out to her. She sipped from the sweet glass, watching as the sun was beginning to set. "Beautiful isn't it?" Will asked turning to look at her, "just like you.
The words stung, she'd lost her virginity to another man and she'd even slept with him again. And Will....he knew Freddy had taken it...but he'd never been told that she'd done it with Freddy again.

I'm not sure having sex for the first time with Freddy Kruger would be an accomplishment for many teenage girls.

And he would never have to know...unless...she moaned Freddy's name out while having sex with him. She turned her head to smile at Will, who wrapped his arm around her waist.
Again, she wished for Freddy's arm, the rugged feeling of his left hand running around the top of her breasts through her low cut shirt. His tongue snaking around, she wanted rough corse feeling...and yet...she also wanted love. Love would come from Will, roughness would come from Freddy.

I know my ideal relationship is one with an undead serial killer who wants me dead.

Yet at this very moment she wanted more of Freddy than of Will, who sat right next to her, showering her with his love and admiration. She turned to look at him and smiled something that was more lie than sincerity.
"Lori," he said, "I've been thinking since Freddy and Jason fought do you...ya know." Will seemed shy in this moment and a blush rose to his tan cheeks. "Do you want to, with me?" The question was simple for Lori to see : Do you want to have sex with me? Lori gave him the kindest lying smile she could give him.

Hey, we watched two undead serial killers fight each other, does this mean you'll have sex with me?

Lori rejects Will, sorta, by saying she doesn't want to have sex with him at the camp, but in Paris. Siiiiigh. That night, Lori decides that she simply MUST be with Freddy again and secretly packs up her things.

Lori grabbed her car keys, hearing every one quietly sleeping she grabbed her car keys. She had a nice sports car from her Father, popping the trunk she put her things inside, and getting in the driver seat. She started the car and put it into gear.
She found herself driving down the road and she heard her cell phone ring as soon as she got back into the area...where Freddy could reach you. Lori never took her eyes off the road...never averted her gaze...and never even looked to see if it was Will or her father.
Lori picked up the phone and pressed the answer button, finally after a pause putting it to her ear. The reseption was cracked and she heard the faintest sound of breathing, it was raspy and sounded cracked.

I give you three guesses to who it is.

"Welcom home, bitch." Lori didn't need to ask who it was and she decided, just to make the dream demon on the otherside want more she responded to him.
"Will I see you when I get home?" At first there was no response, as if Freddy was suprised that she was actually answering back.
"Why not? I've got time and you have to sleep sometime." She could have swore she heard Freddy sneer. She smirked at this and held a very calm voice as she said.
"What if I take Hypnocil for another week, because you know I was supposed to be gone for a week as it was." Lori smiled at the angry growl on the other side of the phone, obviously Freddy's up right anger at the thought.
"Why'd you come back?" His voice sounded angry and she smiled at the thought, she'd missed him. Lori wipped the smile off her face and turned off her phone on him. It rang again, and again, and again until finally somehow from the dream world. Freddy clicked it back on.
"BITCH DON'T FUCKING HANG UP ON ME!" His anger was evident as ever and Lori just smiled, picking up the phone and sticking her tongue out. She knew Freddy could tell because his response came quickly. "Aren't we being childish? Remind me to bite off you tongue bitch!"
"You forget Freddy, since the other night, your my bitch." A colorful vocabulary came from Freddy, and Lori through the phone out the window. She turned on the music, listening to a song about dreams.

It would be easier to, you know, turn the phone off.

She drove all night, reaching home a little after midnight. She snuck up stairs, tip - toeing as to not wake her father. Lori hadn't even thought of telling the others why she left, she'd worry about that later. Opening her bedroom door she closed it behind her, soundly locking it. Making her way over to her bed, she lie down.
Her head rested on the pillow, then she thought better and stood putting on a red night gown with green lace. She slipped on her red underware, and bra, she highly doubted it would be a challenge for the Dream Demon. But who says she couldn't tease a bit?
Laying down on the bed she made sure she was belly down, if Freddy gave her a rude awakening by shoving his cock in her ass, she would probably have to take it. The thought didn't please her very well, but she made it work by laying there.

Welp.

"Hello Bitch." He growled as she felt the bed move when he stood up on his knees in front of her. She could see the red and green of his sweater above the book, as she openly ignored him and turned the page. Lori knew she was stretching his last nerve, and as he ripped the book from her hands, she knew she'd stretched it to far.
The book was thrown across the room, and she turned her eyes up to his angry gaze. "That was a classic." She said and Freddy brought his hand up to her face, flicking them dangerously close to her face.
She stared at him with half - lidded eyes and merely uncrossed her legs, giving him a bird's eye view of her underware, as the night gown hitched up. A view he took full advantage of. His icy blue eyes moved from her grey like blue ones, and down her figure which he looked at thuroughly.
"And what do you want, Mister Krueger?" She emphasized 'mister' to make him angry. Well, at least more angry than he actually was.
His icy eyes narrowed and he grabbed her thighs, pulling her to where she layed flat on the bed and her legs were around his waist.
"To fuck you so hard you beg me to stop." Lori listened to this as his burned face lowered to her pale beautiful one. She shivered and Freddy smirked....

Ohh boy! Where will this lead!? Onto chapter 3!

Freddy smiled at Lori's shivering. Finally he would make her stop teasing him and get some relief. His bladed glove smoothed up her nightgown, showing pale flawless skin.
Something he would love to decorate in bruises, cuts, and bite marks. Freddy took the time to notice that she was wearing an underware and bra, he gave a sort of angry grunt which he could have swore, he heard Lori giggle.
Freddy's eyes gave a dangerous flash as he turned his heated gaze to her eyes, his bladed glove rising to flick in front of her face. She didn't even flinch.
Her chin was in the palm of his glove in a second, the blades twirled with her long blonde hair. It was shoulder length now but some strands had been cut with his rapid movement.
Her eyes were twinkling and held false innocents, trying to be as naive looking as possible to what she was doing. Freddy growled at this, flicking the blades a little more to cut more of the golden locks, her grey blue eyes never leaving his icy ones.
He wanted to dominate her, make her shake in fear, and beg for him to stop.

How is this an ideal relationship again!?

Now all he saw was some girl who wanted to torture him by acting calm, smart, and foolish in her taunting. Freddy smirked, he'd break her, he'd break her hard. Lori watched as he shreded the night gown and picked away her underware.
She was clean, not a lick of hair there.
"Aren't we a clean bitch." The worst part was Freddy hadn't seen her like this since he raped her, that... 'other night' ... he liked to call it, he'd never seen Lori's core.
The flesh there was pale, unlike the rest of her which bore even the slightest of a tan. Her breasts were full and didn't sag in the least. Unlike his wife's, at the mere thought of his wife Freddy felt like being sick.
His wife had never been 'beautiful', or 'fair', like the thing looking at him now with "I'm innocent but fuck me right now eyes." Oh no, ugly as fucking Hell!
He'd just been looking for a fuck and then all of a sudden she runs up to him saying, "I'M PREGNANT FRED ISN'T IT WONDERFUL!" No it isn't wonderful you bitch!

No, really, how the flying fuck is Freddy fucking Kruger an ideal catch!?

Freddy's rotten teeth lowered to her nipple, biting and swerving his demonic tongue around it, Lori moaned. Freddy stopped. Did she just-? Freddy felt his pants tighten harder.
He wasn't sure if this was good or bad, Lori was moaning and now moving against him, begging through her body to be hurt. It was sexy and turning him on no doubt...but...something about this just didn't feel right. But hey, who the fuck takes a writhering girl below them for granted?
Freddy lowered his mouth once more, feeling her pelvis move hard against his, and his cock stretch his pants. Lori moaned again, and Freddy bit harder.
This time Lori whimpered, now that's what I want. Freddy thought and roved his tongue around it, by now her nipple was bleeding hard and giving away a nice amount of blood for the Dream Demon.
He went over and bit the other, swerving his tongue around for the same effect. Her whimpers continued. His mouth moved to her stomach, leaving bloody bruises in his wake.
Then, something made it's way to Freddy's nose. He removed his mouth and looked at her sex, it was dripping, the salty fluid it gave away was making Freddy's nerves tigh themselves in knots.
"Freddy." Her voice was heated and Freddy's cock twitched in response to the passionate cry from the girl below him. Dammit! Freddy cursed loudly in his mind, hating the day he'd even first seen the girl now begging him for release.
Lori actually wanted pain, she wanted him to fuck her hard. Why the fuck dosn't she ask her fucking boyfriend to do it?
Because she wants you. Freddy felt like screaming at this point as he lowered his mouth to taunt Lori, her breathing was eratic and he heard the sheets tear slightly as he moved his tongue around her entrance. Now even the Dream Demons' were in on it.
Just think Freddy, here's a chance to get out of Springwood...forever. At first, Freddy didn't get it. Then a thought crossed his mind, if he had a baby with Lori. Then that kid would grow up and move out, go cross country and do whatever kid's do.

Yes, let's get an underage girl pregnant so he can rape and murder all he wants. This fanfic makes me want to kill someone!

Before Freddy knew it he was on the matress and Lori was cupping his crotch. Pulled from any other thoughts Freddy groaned loudly.
"Bitch." He glowered, smirking as Lori ripped open the two shirts that he wore. She bit his neck, making him bleed as he pinched her nipples again. She moaned near his ear and bit it, making him growl.
A growl that soon died into a moan as she moved her pelvis against him again. Lori undid his pants, never fummbling and pulled them down. Freddy groaned with his releasal, feeling Lori remove his underware as well. As she was about to ride him, Freddy flipped them over to where he was on top.
Freddy pounded her hard, making Lori groan below him, and he beat her core hard. He didn't stop after she climaxed, or he did. Freddy kept going until Lori was beeting his chest, practically begging him to get off of her.
After about an hour almost of just fucking her he released her and she whimpered, her opening was bleeding from the rough treatment, and her hips were bruised black and purple.
As he stood, fixing his sweater with a wave and replacing his pants back in place, he made his way for the door.
"Who's who's bitch now?" Freddy asked cackling madly, as he heard her whimper again he paused at the front door. Something inside him twitched slightly, something so far in his conciense he barely felt it. Guilt.
Freddy's face twisted into a snarl and he felt the need to yell at Lori, storm into her room, slap her and tell her to stop crying. But that only seemed to make that thing in his chest swell to a great size. Making it spread over him, as another child entered the dream scape, Freddy tilted his hat.
He made his way out of the house dream scape, and into a beach setting. His hat down...all the while.

Jesus H. Christ.

Ugh, I have to take a fucking break from this...crap. Next time, chapters 4 and five of this monstrosity!

No Bird Without A Sigh part 1

2009-06-03T15:14:00.001-04:00

Sorry I abandoned you, the >5 people who read this magic blog. I tried the schedule, and, well, speed college makes you forget these things. Anyway, I have a new fanfic for you all today!

No Bird Without A Sigh by FreddyJason27
Fandom: A Nightmare on Elm Street

You know what it's time for? Mondo bondage!

Freddy was no where near where he thought he was, instead, he found himself in some strange room. It was probably a teen's room...a girl's room. He tried to move, but found himself chained down by some chains, there were strange markings on them, like incantations. Pulling and tugging, he found them on his ankles and wrists, so far he was strapped down, spread eagle on a bed. Great....

Yes, there's nothing sexier than a chained up Freddy Krueger.

A thumping filled his ears, like padded feet moving across the room. Craining his head to look, he saw a figure move in the shadows. The figure stepped into the moonlight by the wall sized window above the bed. Revealing...Freddy smirked something evil. "Hello, Lori." His voice was that of a smart ass and he smirking up at her something evil. Desiring nothing more than to be out of these chains and doing something delicious to the young girl who stood before him.
"Freddy." She said and sat on the endge of the bed, she was wearing a red silk night gown with green lace. Freddy's two favorite colors no less, seeing her in that was practically making him hard.

Wow, that was a quick way to creep me the hell out.

"You did something to me, 7 months ago, something I can't ever forget." Freddy's smirk remained, but his face bore absolute shock when her fingers started lazily running over his stomach. Lori's fingers ran circles around his stomach, moving the fabric up to reveal his dark blue undershirt.
He moved himself slightly, not really moving away or towards her but resettling himself. There was definatly something wrong here, definatly. Lori climbed onto the bed and pulled his Christmas sweater up as she did so. He was staring at her with something between shock and confusion. Lori's fingers ran over the undershirt, feeling his burned muscles underneath.

Oh god why the hell would you want to touch Freddy like that!? EW EW EW!
(I bet he feels mushy, not "rock hard".)

"You know Freddy, at some point, I wondered if your whole body was burned like this." Freddy heard a ripping noise before he actucally saw her tear open his undershirt. What was wrong with this bitch? He was supposed to be the one on top of her, not like this!
Her fingers smoothly ran over his stomach to his chest. Lori lowered her mouth to where his nipple would have been, and bit, hard. Freddy's icy blue eyes went wide and he felt himself growing harder despite himself. His body reacted to her simple touches, making him angry with not the ability to resist. Freddy gulped in air as Lori licked the red marks she'd caused on his already charred skin.

OH GOD SHE'S LICKING HIM, TOO!?

"Want me to stop Freddy? I can if you want." She whispered, her fingers teasingly playing with his belt. Freddy didn't know what to do but this girl was driving him insane, for no apparently good reason. Lori, wasn't wearing any underware, Freddy realized when he felt smooth flesh against his torso as she straddled him. Freddy's eyes immediatly went down to see her sweet flesh. His eyes grew wider as she rubbed it against him.
"Freddy, Freddy." She whispered to where his eyes turned to look at her. She lowered her fingers to her enterance and slipped them inside of herself. She kept whispering his name, growing louder and louder with each moment. Freddy couldn't turn his eyes away as Lori rode her own fingers, right on top of him. "Harder." She begged and Freddy groaned, thrusting his hips in need.
He bit his bottom lip and threw his head back, his hat covering his eyes as he fought against the binds that held him. Lori screamed his names two times while coming and he was panting on the bed, despiratly needing attention.

Kill me now.

Lori's juices ran down the sides if his torso, she licked him clean, and Freddy panted. She moved down to his belt buckle, putting her head down, and taking it off with her teeth. Freddy stared as she removed his belt buckle. Feeling the restraint of being in his pants of so long gone he watched as Lori ran her fingers lightly across his shaft. "Bitch." He growled as Lori put herself on top of his erect cock. Freddy gasped at her tightness, even when he'd raped her she was so tight, but this, he groaned.
Freddy growled low and dangerous when she removed herself unexspectedly. She moved up, her breasts were a few inches above his face, and he could see the erect nipples underneath. Her juices, which were dribbling out of her, were warm against his stomach. Lori was reaching for his gloved hand, and Freddy flexed it, warning her. His icy blue eyes burning a hole in her as he looked up at her.
But instead of trying to take off the killer weapon, she licked his palm, her tongue lazily moving over it, before trailing up his middle finger to the tip of the blade. She sucked on it and Freddy got harder, if that was possible. Her tongue ran over the side of the blade, back to his hand, were she nipped the tip of his finger. Lori pulled back and looked at Freddy with a drowsy look.

Who the fuck finds this erotic!?

Freddy was still lying below her, and his cock was sticking straight up against her back. He knew she could feel that, but she seemed to be coldly ignoring it. She finally straddled his legs, but she didn't sheath herself on him. She raised her right hand and began to play with him. Running lazy paths over his cock. Freddy hissed, wanting to be touched harder, or to be inside her, hell even her mouth would be nice contact.
She was still running her lazy paths as Freddy hissed out, "bitch." Lori squezed the head, hard. Freddy groaned, wishing nothing more than to call her every name in the book, but right now, she held a rather precious organ to Freddy. Lori lowered her mouth and began to suck his head, making the dream demon groan despite himself. He shook his head from side to side and panted and gasped. Trying not to let the sounds escape him, no way he would let this bitch have what she wanted.
The sucking stopped and Freddy let out a moan of anger for the contact lost. He looked down at Lori to see her licking her lips of a slimy liquid, his pre. He put his head back down on the comforter, letting his eyes be shaded by his amazingly still in place hat. Lori moved but Freddy stayed still, tensing when he felt her fingers brush along the underside of his cock. What was sh-?

Oh of all the places...

"FUCK NO BITCH!" Was Freddy's only reply as Lori's fingers moved into his entrace, the one he thought, shouldn't exsist. Freddy's teeth were grit and he was trying hard not to scream while her fingers were inside of him. Lori moved her fingers in and out, and Freddy silently wondered how she knew that damn hole even exsisted! Freddy's hips began to rock and he found himself disgusted at the fact that he was responding to this.
Lori pulled her fingers in and out and again, his body moved in rhythm. She took his head in her mouth, making the Dream Demon moan with the extra pressure applied. He was getting tied in knots and he felt himself growing higher. He closed his eyes as he fell over the edge and into the dark abyss that awaited, groaning as he did.
When he was back from his high he opened his eyes to see Lori staring down at him, stroking the side of his face. He wanted to cringe away from that hand but instead he bit it, growling. "Never again bitch." Lori smiled at this and retched her hand free, causing cuts to appear from his teeth, "never again." She whispered and she began licking the blood on her hand, Freddy pulled up slightly and licked it also, and their tongues mingled. Running over Lori's hand, Freddy felt her tongue glide into his mouth, and he halfway felt the need to bite it off.

Yeah, real sexy, an undead serial killer who wants to kill you.

Instead he found them dueling for dominance, but Freddy won out, and licked over her mouth. Tasting every inch and leaving his foul demons mark in every nook and corner. Lori moaned into his mouth and Freddy was breafly suprised at her responding. She ran her tongue along his and all over, mingling with his. She pulled back for air as they both panted, something flickered in her eyes and Freddy wondered only for a moment what it was, before dismissing it.
Lori moved back and put herself down on top of his cock, making Freddy groan loudly as she let out a little mew of approval. Rocking and twisting Freddy thrust up into her, she moved to, roving her hips in the opposite direction than him. Freddy twisted and she gasped, Freddy was large and wasn't suprised to find that the girl would need to be stretched before taking him all in. Lori murmered his name and groaned, and gasped. This made Freddy speed up the pace.
As they came closer and closer, Lori clenched around him and Freddy groaned. Lori didn't even know she was doing it and Freddy was in absolute ecstacy. "Harder." Neither knew who said the word but it sure didn't make a diffrence. They came together, his seed shooting across her walls and Lori contracting around him. Lori fell on top of him, still shethed on Freddy and tired, panting.

Freddy should get into the uterus-painting business.

After catching her breath she sat back up and touched Freddy's cock, it was tender and stood attention just by touch. "Now Freddy," Lori whispered holding the Dream Demon's hateful icy blue glare, "time for payback when you raped me." Her fingers stroked and moved across him, never stopping, her tongue came in too, and squezing and other things. She didn't stop what she was doing, making Freddy growl out horrific things at her and writhe on the bed.

Okay, so not only does he want to kill her, he raped her, too. Yeah, Freddy is every girl's dream guy.

He didn't know how many times he came but his cock was so tender and over worked he couldn't even give pre any more. The sheets were soaked with come, and sweat making him wrinkle his nose, and lay back on the sheets. Lori straddled his waist once more while Freddy silently begged for peace, of the nature where she left him alone. Her fingers played lightly over his charred skin. Moving over every inch of his chest and stomach, finally she reached his face and touched his ears. Freddy was stiff, trying not to move around out of fear that she might fondle him again.
Her fingers lazily ran over his ears before moving to his eyes, tracing the rim of them before moving down across his lips. She lowered her head and nipped the top of his ear, before running her tongue along the bottom of his eye down to his lips. He opened his mouth and she kissed him, hard, they dueled and explored before both pulled back for air. They continued this and Lori ran her fingers over Freddy's chest, feeling the corse skin. Lori pulled back one final time and looked at the clock, 4:54. She had to get up at five, so she stood and Freddy growled.

Sorry I can't stay and have sex with you longer!

"Hey bitch, where the fuck do you think your going?" Lori turned to look at him her lighter green eyes looked into his icy blue. "I'm going on a camping trip, I'll be gone for a week."
Freddy growled some profanities and jerked the chains as the clock struck, 4:58. The chains broke, the spell holding him down was over. He was on top of Lori in a second, tearing at the gown she'd been wearing. It was all off in no time and Lori lay bare beneath him, she looked up into Freddy's blue eyes as his dream world powers that had been held back by the binds came back to him. "You aren't going any where, Lori." His voice was low as he touched over her creamy flesh, "Freddy." She whispered in heat, opening her legs to him to his suprise.
Smirking he lowered his mouth to toy with her, running lightly over the folds and into her dripping heat. She writhed and Freddy smirked, but howled in absoltue anger as she dissappeared from the dream world. "SON OF A BITCH!" He yelled angrily.

Oh, Freddy, you and your desires to rape and kill. Gawrsh!

So, Lori and her dad get ready for their camping trip and Lori is worried that Freddy will be waiting for her when she gets back.

And that is just chapter one! Next time, chapters two and three.

Fanart Friday: Yaoi

2009-02-27T23:32:00.001-05:00

Hey hey, it's that time again! Let's all go to Deviantart for some yaaaaoi (guys named Larry might want to stay away). Now, what are some lovely pairings we can find?

Ness/Luke!

Mojo Jojo/Him!

Wait, Lucky Star isn't yaoi! Paaaass!

Gaara/Rock Lee! As ~kawaii~ nekobishies even! [update: pic has been deleted]

Not yaoi! >: O [update: this has also been deleted]

Uh, according to the artist, this isn't yaoi, either. Fat furries, though, ugh.

[serious]Don't worry, artist, I'm not that great at anatomy sometimes, either. Just keep practicing![/serious]

...I hope this is a joke.

And to finish this entry off...

Remember to have safe yaoi sex!

Late Wild Card Wednesday: Dark Dueling

2009-02-27T23:22:00.002-05:00

Man, I got so caught up in ART that I forgot about BFFT. Sorry, guys!
Anyway, in a unanimous decision, I'll cover Dark Dueling today!

Dark Dueling by DarkXChan
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh

We start with the obligatory disclaimer:

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! And the character Valery belongs to me.

Well nooooooooo shit.

And the actual story begins with Val arguing about moving to Japan with her mom.

"I'm NOT going to Japan, Mom! I hate heights, I hate planes, and I absolutely hate hate hate hate hate sitting next to HIM." Valery pointed angrily to her little brother, he made his blue eyes big and gave her a depressed look.
"Mommy, why doesn't Valery love me?" Valery glared at him,
"Aw, aren't you just adorable. And of course, Mom is gonna tell me to be nice to you, right? And then you're just gonna go ahead and begin laughing in your mind, and on the plane ride, I'm gonna end up killing myself because of you!" Valery angrily ran to her room and slammed the door.
"Honey, listen. Valery is just having a hard time handling the news. She didn't mean anything she said. Ok, Nick?" The little boy nodded his head and walked out of the kitchen. The brown haired woman sat down in the brown chair and put her arms on the table.
"Mike... You don't have any idea how hard this is without you..." She whispered, and put her head on her arms. "No idea at all."

This whole family is caught up in emotions! I guess it's PMS day or something. :/

Valery cried silently into the pillow she was hugging close,
"I don't wanna move! I don't wanna move!!! I don't wanna leave... I hate change! And did she really have to choose Japan of all places? Not some place like Washington, that was closer to home?" She looked up at the ceiling, pictures of Anime and Manga characters lined the walls.
"Valery? Can I come in, Honey?" Valery looked at the brown door. It was Mom.
"Fine," She said, just loud enough for her mom to hear.
The brown haired woman walked in, looking at her daughters room. Ever since they're dad died, she was so different. Her room used to be a cute purple, but she had it redone. Now it was black with red lines, and Anime posters were lining the walls.
"Honey," Her mom sat down next to her on the black blanket. "I know that you don't want to move all the way to Japan, but I was offered a great job, I can design clothing, and in Japan, a few of the styles I have made here would sell for a lot. They're offering me $7.00 an hour!" Valery looked at her mom,
"But... This is where I was born... Where I was raised... I've spent my whole life here. I can't even think about moving..." Her mom hugged her close,
"I know, Honey. But sometimes you have to do things for the better." Her mom looked at her daughters clothing, black. "And maybe you'll make some friends that are more into the stuff you like, after all, Anime originated in Japan, imagine the stores! Filled with Anime plushies, and cute little gothy clothing..." Valery looked up at her mom's blue eyes,
"Fine. I'll start packing." Her mom smiled,
"That's my girl. We leave in a week, and the school registration forms are already sent out. So you'll have about a month to do anything in Japan until school starts." Valery nodded while walking to her dresser,
"Ok."

As I said before, I will give the author credit for not making Val go batshit fangirl when she learns she's going to move to Japan.

Huh, well, whaddaya know, it's only one chapter long!

The Verdict:
Not -too- bad, but still needs some polishing. Hopefully, if any new chapters are up, they'll get better. 2/5 (the highest score yet!?)

Mini Monday: BRB Moving to Japan

2009-02-23T22:58:00.001-05:00

Woah, guys, I dunno about you, but I just snorted a gram of Pixie Sticks and now I feel like writing about bathroom humor and Clint Eastwood wearing a taco hat.

Anyway, this week's theme is Western Girls Moving To Japan, a common staple in fanfics. It doesn't help that those girls are author avatars.

Dark Dueling by DarkXChan

Valery Lin is a depressed highschool girl who absolutely hates change, so when her mother tells her they're moving to Japan, she freaks out. But when she gets to japan, things just aren't that horrible... Obviouse OC and rated T to be safe!

Sigh, of course.

Valery cried silently into the pillow she was hugging close,
"I don't wanna move! I don't wanna move!!! I don't wanna leave... I hate change! And did she really have to choose Japan of all places? Not some place like Washington, that was closer to home?" She looked up at the ceiling, pictures of Anime and Manga characters lined the walls.
"Valery? Can I come in, Honey?" Valery looked at the brown door. It was Mom.
"Fine," She said, just loud enough for her mom to hear.
The brown haired woman walked in, looking at her daughters room. Ever since they're dad died, she was so different. Her room used to be a cute purple, but she had it redone. Now it was black with red lines, and Anime posters were lining the walls.
"Honey," Her mom sat down next to her on the black blanket. "I know that you don't want to move all the way to Japan, but I was offered a great job, I can design clothing, and in Japan, a few of the styles I have made here would sell for a lot. They're offering me $7.00 an hour!" Valery looked at her mom,
"But... This is where I was born... Where I was raised... I've spent my whole life here. I can't even think about moving..." Her mom hugged her close,
"I know, Honey. But sometimes you have to do things for the better." Her mom looked at her daughters clothing, black. "And maybe you'll make some friends that are more into the stuff you like, after all, Anime originated in Japan, imagine the stores! Filled with Anime plushies, and cute little gothy clothing..." Valery looked up at her mom's blue eyes,
"Fine. I'll start packing." Her mom smiled,

Of course. I'll give the author credit for not making the heroine instantly fangirl over moving to Japan, though.

Lost Love to Seto Kaiba by Nicole Silvers

A girl by the name of Nicole moves to Domino Japan. In her time, she meets as well as works for no other than Seto Kaiba himself. This is the story of her life in Domino. NOTE: CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE SINCE POSTED ON QUIZILLA! You may want to re-read

No, not an author avatar at all!

You sat there lingering on about the future year you have to face again in school. 'This school is different.' You thought to yourself. You found out the students wore uniforms at your new school, and this excited you some. You moved from the States to Domino City. You were not sure about this city, but alas you were forced to move because your parents divorced, and your mother gained custody. When she was offered a job in Domino city that had a slightly bigger pay check, she took it. Lucky for you, school was out for the summer. As you looked out your bedroom window, you pondered on how you could now start school off with a clean slate. The thought made you smile inside. But of course, your happiness was shattered by the voice of your mother Ellanore Silvers. "Nikki, where are you?" she called.

You sometimes have to wonder what these "higher paying jobs" are.

A Matter of Love and Death by Breaker deGodot

When Amy Ana Warren moved to Japan, she never intended to meet Yugi Mouto, stop an evil force, or find the truth of her past. She'll need love and plenty of help. The first of 5 seasons. Yugi&Yami/OC. R&R There are a lot of duels. Spoilers for anime

Lemme guess: author avatar.

“I attack your Swordsman of Landstar with my Red Gadget!” said Yugi.
“Not so fast Yug! I activate the trap Relive Monster!” answered Joey.
“I’ve never heard of that. What’s it do?”
“Whenever a monster on my side of the field is attacked I can swap it with a Level 4 monster in my hand. You then have to attack the monster I summon! I choose Panther Warrior!! I did it! I finally beat Yugi!!” he said with a creepy anime smirk on his face.
“Good move Joey. Pity it won’t work! I activate Trap Jammer! This stops any trap activated in the Battle Phase!” Joey did an anime fall
“Aw man!” he said with multiple anime veins “You win again Yug.”
“Nice duel guys!” said the girl.
“Thanks umm…”
“Amy Warren. I’m a duelist myself.” she said.
“Hey Amy! I’m Yugi and this is Joey.” you said. “Nice to meetcha’” chimed in Joey. She smiled. Even though she smiled, for some reason you sensed a dark sadness. You definitely wanted to know this girl.

"Anime veins".

Returned by harrylover101

14 year old Serena is kicked out of the Sailor Scouts, goes to America, 3 years later returns to Tokyo w a collage degree in visual and theatrical arts. But what happens when Serena's life is on the line, can the inners redeem themselves?

Okay, one inverse one. Also, yet another "dark" fanfic where Usagi goes goth.

“Meatballhead, Meatballhead” Rei yelled “wake up; we have an announcement to make”. “Huh, oh yeah, okay” Serena said distractedly, she already knew what it was though. She had heard them talking about her removal from the Scouts before she had come into the room. “You’re out “Serena didn’t even flinch “Hello did you here me? I said you’re out”. “Uh huh, yeah I heard you; I’ll go pack” Serena said emotionlessly.
The inners stared at her in shock they had thought that they would have to drag her out kicking and screaming, but here she was doing it quite effortlessly, if even emotionlessly. “Meatballhead?” Rei inquired uncertainly. “No,” Serena said quietly. She turned her head; the inners gasped in horror, her eyes had turned such a pale, colorless grey that they almost seemed white, “meatball head is dead.”

DEAD, YOU HEAR!? DEAD!!

Okay, those are the three candidates for Wednesday. The choice is yours and yours alone! Next Monday's theme: DARKNESS (and the goths it creates).

Have a fanfic/fanart piece/theme to suggest? Feel free to put it in the comments or email me (my email is in my profile). If you choose email, please title your message "Bad Fanfics". It will get labeled as spam otherwise!

New Posting Schedule

2009-02-20T08:37:00.002-05:00

Hopefully, this will make me remember to update more often.
So! Starting next week, I'll be using a new posting schedule. We have:

Monday Minis -Excerpts and summaries. Vote for what you want to see more of!
Fanfiction Tuesday -Fanfics from Fanfiction.net
Wild Card Wednesday - The choice fanfic from Monday
Deviant Thursday -Fanfics from Deviantart
Fanart Friday - Doodles from Deviantart and Fanart Central
Sexy Saturday - "High-quality" adult fanfics
Sensitive Sunday - Poetry!

Welp, see you on Monday!

Update 2010: Look how well I followed this up, guys!

Oh jeez

2009-02-16T09:31:00.003-05:00

Hot damn, no new posts since November!
Sorry about that, everyone. I've been swamped with art school assignments lately. I promise, I'll try to add new fanfics once a week.

Thank you for reading so far, though!

The Devil's Light

2008-11-24T19:07:00.001-05:00

The Devil's Light by princess ja
Fandom: Sailor Moon
http://anime.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600044737

Holy shit, more vampires!?
Yes, that's right folks, a vampire Sailor Moon fanfic.

Usagi stared out over her balcony she couldnt belive what she had done....
she allowed her people's souls to be conqured and all for love ,but how she
love him so mamo-chan was her life and her senshi had to understand that
she was no longer the pure ruler they once knew but one now owned by darkness

DARKNESS!!

"your highness"
"yes singo"
"the king has beconed for my lady"
usagi sighed
"where is he" she asked walking from the black doble doors that lead to her balcony
her once sunny blonde hair now slivery gray flowed behind her as her deep blue eyes
layed them selfs on singo.

Why is Shingo working as Usagi's servant? You'd think that's the last thing the kid would ever do.

"he is in the throne room my lady"singo bowed
usagi laughed a little a small smile creept to her deligate face before turning back to
nothing."tell your king i'll be there in a minute"
"yes my lady" usagi looked down to her cream gown that was trimed in sliver and gold.
what could he possible need in the throne room she thought to her self as she reached the stone
cold doors.pushing them open a smile greeted her and ushered her to sit.
"my love"mamoru began"the time has come your senshi have to choose"

Mamoru is the new host of Deal or No Deal!

usagi forced a smile as she approaced her husband and now king of the now
dark crstal tokyo.
"mamo-chan i have tried cant we just let them go"
mamoru stared towards his wife and sneered coldly
"i will not be disbeyed either they either bow to their king and queen or be excuted"

Wow, usually it's Hotaru that turns goth.

"mamo-chan_usagi gasped grabing her chest
"usako my love they will try to over throw us or wost take you away from me"
"i know but-" mamoru cut her off
"no buts my word is final"

"But why, Mamo-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!?"
"Because I'm the boss, Usako! Now go to your room without supper!"

usagi looked down and stared out the open doors how i wish things didnt have to be this way
if only they would have listened
if only things could go back im sorry my senshi. she thought her mind trailing back to the
months they spent togheter before now before their end.

Oh snap, what's gonna happen now!?

Usagi looked up to mamoru admiring his smooth features she knew he was right there was nothing she could do but hope that when they did find the senshi they would have changed their minds other wise she would have the pleasure of sucking them dry upon that thought a small smile creept to her lips it had been a while since she'd drank human blood mamoru always insisted they drank animal blood she licked her lips at the thought "mamo-chan"she spoke smoothly her voice clam and suductive

Oh, god Luna and Artemis nooooooooooooo

"what if i told you i knew where the senshi were"

mamoru slid his hands to her shoulder brushing them lightly

"i'd say lets get the bitches" he smiled his fangs drawing from his perfect mouth usagi held her gaze from his something in her stired a little what had she become she wanted so bad to take the thoughts away but she enjoyed every moment of it every moment of being powerful untochable being the queen of the damned sending crystal tokyo into a fate they never thought possible thier world was filled with darkness

Wait, now Usagi's goth too?

"usako are you ready my love"mamoru asked extending his hands to hers she nodded and took his hand as he lead her to the master chambers

"uasko how do you know where they are" usagi smiled and rasied her lips to mamoru's neck

"because i can sene them my love"she wispered sinking her fangs into his neck her eyes turning bright sacrlet red she held her place gracefully as he began to suck her king dry all in the same asobing his powers mamoru growled low in his throat as he began to shut his blood off from her who did she think she was he made her into what she is sending usagi flying to the floor mamoru held his neck as he looked down to his so called queen

Oh snap!

"what do you think your doing my love"he growled pining her to the ground he let out a low growl as he sank his teeth into her heart she screamed her pain annocing her powers her cresnt mark glowed to perfection she slowly smiled to her self as the senshi appeared before them

He must have some pretty long teeth if they can go all the way into her heart.

"cresent beam" mamoru wasnt prepared for the attack and was sent flying into the wall "what is the meaning of this"he yelled clutching his shoulder

"dont touch her you bastard"makoto grolwed charging for him but this time he was prepared side steping her he glared towards his wife

"serenity what the hell are you trying to pull" usagi only just smiled

You can kill those vampires, Sailor Senshi!

"please you guys the only way to beat him is to turn to one of us please you have to save me" she skillfully lied as she eyed the four shadows that appeared behind her senshi "princess"the senshi gasped but were cut out the four shadows had already over sadowed them and sank their fanks into ther sliky necks each girl cried out in pain as blood ran from their necks grabing kicking and grasping for air they could feel their bodies loose the life they held so dear

So, wait, first Usagi didn't want to turn the Senshi into vampires, and now she's oh-so-eager to do it? What the fuck?

"usako"mamoru said in disbelif could his lilttle usako have planed all of this summon them to her he bagan to chuckle

"for a moment there i had belived you turned agisant me my love" usagi just smiled keeping her eyes on the senshi waving her hand lightly one of the four shadows droped sailor mars usagi picked up her weaping friend staring her in her coblat eyes usagi smirked "now who is the weak one rei-chan" she laughed sinking her fangs beneathe the shadow's mark

"you are mine now all of you"she laughed staring down to her senshi

This is OOC Paradise.

The verdict
What the Christ. 0/5

Bad Fanart Theater: Twilight

2008-11-22T19:21:00.001-05:00

OMFG, GUYS! TWILIGHT'S OUT! I'M GONNA GO SQUEE OVER HOW HOT EDWARD IS AND WONDER WHY I CAN'T BE A SPARKLY-POO VAMPIRE!!!!!

...no seriously, I hate those books. There's only one Twiligh t for me.

Anyway, at the risk of being bitched at again, it's time for Bad Fanart Theater: Twilight Edition!

http://evskji.deviantart.com/art/Twilight-79975742
In my opinion, you shouldn't put things you made in a dollmaker (like Candybar) on Deviantart.

http://wind-up-doll.deviantart.com/art/Twilight-Thing-I-69693205
Ugh, I know! Twilight is such great literature, my mundane mind can't comprehend it!

http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-723844.html
Weird proportions are weird.

http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-722390.html
The art's cute, but rabid shippers are disturbed people.

http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-719261.html
I love his rack.

http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-700908.html
Great. Combining two of my most hated fandoms.

http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-701844.html
It was only a matter of time. [update: pic has been deleted]

In conclusion: Fuck sparkly vampires and pedophile werewolves.

The Chase [A short story]

2008-10-29T19:22:00.001-04:00

I'm the other contributor of Bad Fan Fiction Theater. At times, I'm a hardboiled detective, at others, I'm a hot-blooded mecha pilot... but my true form is that of Richter Honey [Alias. Real identity withheld for security reasons.]! I mean, no, no! I'm Richter, a hot-blooded Asian male. Also: Look! The East is Burning Red!

Yes, yes. This is my first post here, so treat me gently, but I've got a story for you~. Unlike Eve's stuff, I'm going to start off with some stuff that is not fanfiction (On this blog!? Heresy, Rich!). No, no! I will start with actual writing from actual English students!

Why am I doing this? Because, frankly, these essays are terrible. Badly written, badly thought-out, etcetera. They are, simply, dreck. But not to worry! That's what the BFFT is all about! We'll constructively criticize your work into a hole! Or, you know, just put it up for the world to see and laugh at. The world being a very small number of people.

Of course, if anyone from the class shows up here and wants me to remove it, I will. Remember, this is all in fun. I may say harsh things, but, let us laugh along, shall we?

The assignment here is simple: Given a list of sixty vocabulary words, compose a free-writing of any length using 15-25 of them. The topics chosen ranged from Barack Obama to an excellently hardboiled, film noir-esque detective. Today, I present to you The Chase. I chose it because the author's name showed up as the last editor when I opened the group document, and I found it silly. Her name is, apparently, Maisie (mitsuki) Mummert. Which is a ridiculous middle name, should I say (I dare say, is that a false identity!?). And this is her story. Normally, I'd MST3K it, but I'm a bit tired right now. Maybe I'll do that later.

Let us begin.

The Chase
by Maisie Mummert

[Here, the author assures us with a wink that she will pen more later]

My heart pounded in the beat to my footsteps, it seemed to dance at a frightening tempo. The malevolent presence I felt behind was definitely gaining upon us. I glanced at Silver only a stride ahead of me. He was so nonchalant about running for our life. His face didn’t express any sort of panic at all. He was indeed very enigmatic. I wondered if I was naïve to believe that he was truly calm as he appeared. No. he is a mediocre actor at best, He was truly calm. We rounded a corner into a back alley and I had a peculiar sense of déjà vu, I thought I was here before, but no matter. Silver yanked my arm and suddenly, I was no longer in the alley but in the back of a burger joint. I glanced at Silver questioningly, so he pointed to the grease stained wall and quietly said, “Trapdoor.” I smiled at our temporary redemption and realized we were in the Burger King. But now it was jamais-vu I felt as the place I worked at felt so unfamiliar. Looked up at him, he was so gorgeous, his lovely blue eyes, his silver hair, his model-like features; I had fallen head over heels for him. But I was very sure my love was unrequited, as I was almost positive he had no romantic interest in me what so ever. But I really wanted him.
Then, on the wall behind me, I heard a metallic screeching. I spun around and watched the metal “bend”. A jagged line bulged out of the wall. I saw that moment with lucid clarity. I ducked as the wall seemed to rip in half, and in that moment I got a full view of our pursuer. He was indeed grotesque. I stared at him for about a millisecond before I mustered all my strength and leaped out of the way. I hit Silver as I intended and knocked him out of the way of the falling bricks as well. I looked again at the interloper. To get away from the likes of him was a daunting task if there ever was one. He had completely annihilated the back wall. This one man had done that. And this man was out to kill us. He didn’t even need a machine to accomplish it but yet, here he was, knife in hand, staring straight at us with a crazed look in his feral eyes. He advanced upon us slowly, each step made my heart jump in fear. But I refused to succumb to my fear a dash out and leave Silver here to face this man alone. I knew these could be my last moments on earth, but I refused to lament over this, I will instead put all my energy into getting out of this mess alive. I may be inept when it comes to being graceful, but I am stubborn and determined if nothing else. The threat was transient but from my perception, anything could overcome if you wanted it enough.
Silver stood slowly, and pulled me up with him as we had fallen down in our mad dash to get out of the way of the falling brick. He looked into my eyes, and for the first time I saw sadness there. He seemed to mourning inside. I want to alleviate his suffering. Then, out of nowhere, he embraced me. He kissed my hair softly, then whispered three sweet word in my ear. “I love you.” I gasped softly then returned his love quickly. I had never thought that even in this miserable pandemic, something so unexpected, but yet so wonderful had occurred. I seemed to suddenly become inundated with hope. All the illicit acts we had endured seemed obsolete compared to what was happening now. We slipped out of our embrace and faced the horrid man before us. A huge smile on my face, it must have been more than just a bit unnerving to have the people you are trying to scare smile at you. I felt so luminary and free at the moment. Even as we brought about this man’s demise, I was still feeling full of wonderful love. Anything seemed possible with the love of my life at my back.

And there you have it. Take it as you will, but remember that there is a man named Silver standing in a Burger King in this one. And it is actually fairly well-written, as far as these essays go... relatively. At least it uses periods and capitalization.

Believe you me, more and more awful essays will follow. You have been warned, Loyal Reader. This is Hell's Gate and- Oh, well, I mean, that's what you're here for, right? You all have probably read CHR, too.

Franzie's Fan Fic Pet Peeves

2008-10-15T22:44:00.001-04:00

Since I've accumulated several over the years, here is a list of the things I hate when I read fanfics.

1) Sugar and caffeine highs are not good excuses to post bad fics!
Sometimes, we have those nights.
"Hey, Franzie, I got some Pixie Sticks and Coffee!"
"Awesome, let's have some."
30 minutes later...
"HEY, FRANZIE, LET'S WRITE A FANFIC!!"
"OMG YES IT WILL BE SO RANDOM LOLOLOLOL!"
The next morning...
"Woah, why did I write Goku having sex with an elk-man?"
"I dunno, let's put it on the internet."

Yeah, just because you wrote something while high on sugar doesn't automatically make it hilarious and "random". It's often obnoxious as hell. Don't do this.

2) If you want to put a mental disorder in a fanfic, do the research!
Mental disorders in fiction can create great drama. However, people can get very, very annoyed when you completely butcher a mental disorder. Schizophrenia does not make you yell "CHEESE MONEY NINJA!!!" every three seconds. People with multiple personalities don't interact with those personalities and have no memory of doing things that their other personality has done. Having depression doesn't mean you instantly streak on the black eyeliner and start cutting yourself.
If you want to portray a mental disorder, make it accurate. I can understand using them for dramatic purposes. But, I can't stress this enough, make it believable and accurate!

3) NO CUTTING. EVER.
Again, this can't be stressed enough. Cutting in fanfics has been done to death. It's not dramatic. It's not a good way to get people to feel sorry for your character. Barely anyone likes cutting in fanfics. In fact, this was one of the biggest tips in the fanfic panel at Otakon 2008 (for those wondering, I was the one who said the lame Sailor Moon overused plot. Forgive me, I was being impulsive).

4) Keep your facts straight!
If you're not sure about a canon detail, like, say, how to spell a character's name, refer to the original work or a trusted source (like a good fansite or, hell, Wikipedia). Constantly getting details from canon wrong or constantly misspelling characters' names makes you look lazy and that you don't care about the canon work at all. If there are alternate spellings, point it out! Alternate universe fics can be good things. Well, there's one exception, which is...

5) No high school fics!
High school fics, like cutting, have been done to death. Really, how many times have we seen Cloud and Tifa as 16-year-old high schoolers with Sephiroth as the principal? While I understand it's nice to have characters your age and in your situation to identify with, it's really not a good idea to make high-school fics unless the characters are high-school age to begin with.
Good example: (as much as I would hate to see this) Gunbuster
Bad Example: Guilty Gear (99% of the characters are in their 20s or older. Why would they be in the same grade as May and Bridget?)

6) This team needs a female/male character!
So, you like The Outsiders. But, almost every character is a boy! And you really like Dally. I mean, who doesn't? He's soooooo dreeeeeaaaaamy! "Dally needs a woman!" you think to yourself.
So, what do you do?
Let's make a female greaser to join the gang! She'll be the best girlfriend ever and she'll be the best fighter and stuff!
Yeah, this is a bad idea. The characters turn out to be Mary Sues 99.9% of the time. The same goes for adding a male character to a primarily female team, like the Sailor Senshi. They have Tuxedo Mask, and it's canon that only women can be Sailor Senshi. Also, David Gonterman tried and failed.

7) I'm gonna rewrite the series to how I see fit! With more YAOI!
Look, I like yaoi.
But I don't like it when someone decides that "the series was good, it just needed more GAY SEX!"
No, it doesn't. If it's something like Yu-Gi-Oh, the focus is not on how Yami Yugi is going to seduce Seto Kaiba and they have awesome sex! The focus is on card games and friendship (yeah, yeah). Character relationships are important in a series. It's just that a lot of people forget, there is such a thing as friendship! A middle! A grey area! Not every relationship has to be outright hate, romantic, or sexual.
Also, I think it's quite insulting to the original creator to say that "Your work wasn't up to my standards. I'll rewrite it to make it better, but under my terms."

Well, that's all I have for now. Later!

Bathroom Break

2008-10-11T21:52:00.001-04:00

Bathroom Break...Sorta...I Suck at Titles by Sadistic Arsonist

Fandom: CatDog

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/566042/1/Bathroom_break_sorta_I_suck_at_titles

I never really liked CatDog in the first place, so I was pretty sure fanfics for it would be awful. This one...well, the author's description gives you an idea:

Rated PG-13 for weird content....Dog decides he has to go to the bathroom....and triggers some very weird things...NOTE: My friend and I were on sugar and caffine when we thought of this...heh heh heh...

Since the fic is short, I'll put it here in its entirety.

Authors notes: Hey! Sadistic Arsonist here. I am writing this as a result of too much sugar. I had a conversation with my friend today, and…well…this fic is the bastard child of that conversation…
“Cat.” Said dog. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
Cat turned to stare at him, which wasn’t an easy task, seeing as they are joined in the center for god’s sake. “What did you say?”
“I have to go to the bathroom.” Dog repeated, urgency in his voice.
“Uhh…how would that work??” Cat asked his counterpart.
“I…I don’t know.” He said, walking out of the house and onto the lawn, Cat following unwillingly.
Suddenly, a beautiful female cat walked by. Cat’s pupils turned to hearts as he watched her walk by.
“Wow…she’s…” He was interrupted by Dog’s strangled cry.
“C…cat…what's going on??” He cried. Or, rather choked out, for, coming out of his mouth was a giant, hard piece of flesh. It had no fur, and was tan in color.
“What's THAT?” Cat exclaimed, staring at the enlarged piece of flesh. His gaze then lifted from the thing coming out of Dog’s mouth and tried to find that beautiful cat. She had gone. Then, the enlarged thing began to shrink and went back into Dog’s mouth. He exhaled a sigh of relief.
“Well, at least THAT’S over…” He said. “But I still have to go to the bathroom!!” Suddenly (A/N: I know I use that word too much, but whaddya gonna do??), a hole opened up where Cat and Dog are joined and a warm, yellow liquid seeped from it.
Cat and Dog stared at it. “What's THAT?” Cat asked for the second time that day.
“I don’t know.” Dog replied. “But I don’t have to go to the bathroom anymore.”
They both laughed and went back into the house.
End.
Authors notes: Wow. That was perverted. I suck. Goodnight. Review please! Even flames are wanted…..go figure…

The verdict:

At least the author agrees with me. 0/5

When You're Sleeping

2008-09-01T17:32:00.001-04:00

When You're Sleeping by Roxann1472
Fandom: Dragonball Z
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4477416/1/When_Youre_Sleeping

Warning: This fanfic has incestual sleep-rape. If you don't like the idea of a man screwing his daughter while she's asleep, feel free to skip this.

This is only a chapter long, but man, is it awful. Since it's short, I'll post the whole thing here:

Summary: Bulma just had a long day from work and her day is just going to get worst

A dark figure roamed the halls of capsule corps. He had been walking around the building for hours, when he suddenly stopped in front of Bulma’s open bedroom door. The room was dark letting him know that she was asleep. A menacing grin spread across his face when he found her sleeping in bed with her bra and panties on. This man had been stalking her for years, and now he finally had the chance to be alone with her cuz her mother was out of town. Dr. Briefs (Bulma’s dad) entered her room slowly. He than turned back around but only to shut and lock the door. He moved fast and quiet over to her queen sized bed. “man I’ve waited a long time for this”, he thought before ripping his shirt off and rubbing his large penis. The fabric were his erection was starting to get hard and tight, so he pulled his pants off too. Once again another grin spread across his face when he saw her stretch in her sleep and one of her large breast came out of her bra. He tugged and sucked on her hard nipple exposed nipple, getting a little pleasure out of it when he heard her moan. Dr. Briefs than slide her panties off and wasted no time spreading her legs and inserting his member inside of her. He moved at a slow pace trying not to wake her, but the doctor lot all his composure when he felt her arch her back…

In Bulma’s sleep, she started to sweat a lot and her vagina got really sticky. Dr. briefs couldn’t believe how easily he had gotten into his daughters room. He had always thought it would had been harder since she always kept a robot guarding her room. When he finally got done using her body, he tucked his dick back into his pants and left the room as fast as he came….

The next morning bulma hadn’t noticed any thing wrong. She cooked breakfast and got herself ready for work. And it would only take her a couple of weeks to know that she had been raped and that she was pregnant. Which was impossible because she had never been with a man before….

The Verdict
What. 0/5

The Fandom Writer

2008-08-19T01:02:00.001-04:00

The Fandom Writer by Nickolaus Pacione
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/1639110/1/The_Fandom_Writer

We all know Nicky, right?
Yeah, this is a four-year-old story, but it has to do with fanfiction and it sucks, so it's here anyway.

According to the description, this is Nicky's "most notorious story to date". Let's see what makes it so "notorious", shall we?

She was a horror writer, but one who didn’t write of characters that belonged to her, and bastardized the characters of a writer who didn’t agree with she did. Her name was Alice Thompson, and she liked to write what they called slash fiction -– the writer who she idolized was named Albert Joseph Poe.

Uh oh! Watch out, yaoi lovers, this one is for you!

Though what she did was something Albert wouldn’t approved of, and some of the people who read his work sent her electronic mail saying what she did should not be done.

SLASH FICTION IS A CRIME!!

The thing that she overlooked –- the very strong detail that every person who read his work would know that he was a born again Christian.

We know how anti-gay all Christians are, amirite?

This continued for a few years –– the fan fiction writer was in her late forties but the writer she idolized was in his mid 20s though had a mentality of someone who came from the old world because one of his correspondence was a horror writer that she absolutely hated with a passion, that writer wrote a style of horror that was similar to Frank Bellknap Long, R.L. Stine, and Frank Perretti.

We're going to have a lot of these run-on sentences in this story. Put on your hard hats!

She ignored every electronic mail she received from other writers who speak up for the traditional style of horror saying, “Alice what you are doing is a disgrace to the horror genre; find a different profession that suits you better.” It figured as much because she did work at a fast food eatery, she was a cashier for a McDonald’s.

HA HA! Yeah, those stupid slash fiction writers! They only work dead-end fast food jobs and they have no lives other than writing slash fiction! Oh, and slash fiction is a DISGRACE TO LITERATURE! YOU HEAR ME!? A DISGRACE!!

Though she didn’t really understood why he wrote this way she liked what he wrote but continued to bastardize what she was doing with them.

Any work you write slash fiction about? Yeah, you're bastardizing it! YOU'RE MAKING IT UNCLEAN! NOW IT SHALL HAVE A HORRIBLE REPUTATION ALL BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU YAOI FANS!!! *froths at the mouth*

Though she didn’t care what she did was an abomination in the eyes of God, and the instant messages that she got from people who read her work on various fan fiction sites were quite pissed that she would do that to a writer that she had much respect for.

No, really, there is a passage in the Bible that says slash fiction is a sin.

She was the practitioner of the blasphemy of nature, shunned every bit of what Albert believed and basically refused to set foot in a church. She wanted nothing to do with the church. She is what the Christians called the Spirit of Sodom. The writer that she was bastardizing had a learning disability and a mental illness;

This sounds familiar somehow...

but when she send him an electronic email – he gave her a piece of mind, “I read your work you did off what you did of mine. Listen to me when I say this, why do you even do that kind of work of something I never intended it to be? If you are going to do that, write it with another writer who agrees with that shit – don’t do it with my creations. It pisses me off when some little fan fiction writing hack bastardizes what I wrote, no matter what it is.. I hope what I say here lives within your nightmares. No one should have the right to do that, you are nothing more than a thief with a word processor.”

Grr...who needs fans showing their appreciation for my work!? How dare they write their own stories with my characters!? Even if it's in canon!! HOW DARE THEY!!

It was on April 13, 1998, when the events that unfolded according to one of her younger siblings but what came about of this day would start as a minor system failure into what would become the nightmare that made her swear off writing.

Oh no!

It was sometime about midnight when she decided to write another story off a title of his –– taking his beloved characters and making them into something they were never meant to be.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaayssssssssssss!! *shakes fist*

He saw the inspiration to write horror from the tracts written by Jack T. Chick, some of the imagery would remind one of those tracts.

That's weird, most people see comedy instead of horror.

He wrote more to keep his mine sane while he has to spend the rest of his life on disability –– the horrors in his mind were written so he stayed sane, but that was something a fast food worker as Ms. Thompson wouldn’t even begin to understand.

Fast food workers have NO FEELINGS! >: (

he began to dose off without a single worry until she began to dream. “Awaken, “ the voice said to her. She rose from her bed while the rest of her physical body was still asleep. She didn’t realize what was going on – until she was standing within a darkness she cannot begin to fathom. The voice said to her, “Charon awaits.” He was clad in a long gray robe and smelled of burning sulfur. He had a look to his face that lacked emotion, “I am an Angel of God who overlooks those who had been sent to Damnation, welcome to the place because you have done things with a man of God’s work that shouldn’t of been done.”

Fanfiction is a sin, everyone!

“I don’t understand. I am just a mere fast food worker who writes fan fiction. I don’t believe in Heaven or Hell. How could this even be my Judgement?” She began to become even more terrified; then she began to see if she was dreaming. She kept thinking one of those tracts that were left at her place of work but couldn’t understand why it was placed there. But she kept seeing the lake of urine and feces; one could not begin to describe the look of an absolute horror until she sees Albert Poe writing on his word processor – she becomes the subject of one of his stories. “No, this cannot be real – I am dreaming, dear God, let me be dreaming.”

It's a conspiracy! (also, Dante's hell doesn't have any lakes of urine and feces. I don't know what this guy's been reading)

They looked at her in the sense that she desecrated the writings from a man of God. This was her fate for the blasphemy she did before God – the blasphemy of the Holy Ghost.

All fanfic writers must burn in heeeeeeeeell!!

“Albert –– let me take a look at this one,” Patricia smiled, “I know.” She began laughing insanely when she started typing the next few paragraphs.
“What are you doing,” he said laughing.
“Turning the bitch into a pillar of salt. You remember the story about Lot’s wife when they fled Sodom and Gomorrah. His wife was concerned about everything they left behind, ignored the angels warning and turned into a pillar of salt,” Patricia responded. She had this wicked grin on her face, while she wrote the paragraphs, Alice looked from below in Purgatory while she was being gnawed by all the creatures in hell. No one could tell what they were writing from the glow of pixels was the hell that Alice Thomspon was suffering, the nightmare of damnation before her eyes – being shoved face first by a skeleton and a pitch fork within the lake of flames. The water she was boiling in was not water at all but that of piss.

Haha! Let's laugh at a poor woman's suffering, just because she wrote fanfic and some Christian fundie is butthurt!! So hilarious!

Albert responded with morbid laughter, “Now I see why I married you, the imagination you have is much more demented than mine will ever be. It is going to be strange how the Pastor reads our work, it is almost if it inspired a few of his sermons. Do you think that Ms. Thompson learned her lesson not to even begin to bastardize characters that didn’t belong to her –– true she might be a fan of my work, but what she did with my characters was just wrong in the eyes of God. I could only imagine what our pastor would of said to her if she got an email from him.”

Too bad this story is serious about it's subject matter. It would work as a parody. Oh, wait, Nicky already thinks he's made a genius parody. Sorry, but calling people who write fanfiction sinners that deserve to burn in hell is pretty damn cruel.

Alice responded with a look of horror to her face, “is this what you meant by your words giving me nightmares? You pulled me into a word world that would be said of the inferno by Dante. Am I alive or am I dead?”

Again, Dante's hell had no lakes of shit and piss.

Spending the rest of eternity in a coma, that would become the fate she was to suffer. The words that Albert said to her basically got to her in her sleep, that she has to spend the rest of her days within a fleshly coffin. Her death was not a psychical death but that of a spiritual one. She was thinking, I cannot be dead –– dear God, what have you done to me and why are you making me suffer like this? Is this the fate of what happened in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah? God let me wake up, please, I will swear off writing, I didn’t realize writing slash fiction was such an abomination before your eyes. I never thought I would be the subject of someone’s cerebral matter.

This is sooooo hilarious, right guys? Guys?

The Verdict
Yeah, I make fun of fanfics, but Jesus H. Christ. I don't wish any fanfic writers to burn in hell just because some fanfics are bad. And slash fiction can be pretty damn good if written right. Besides, the only author I've ever seen complain about slash fics was Ann Rice, and she was a loon to begin with. What is it with born-again Christians and being so homophobic?
0/5

2010 Update: I finally got the whole story on this...story shortly after I wrote this review, but I never managed to post my new opinions on it until now. Basically, for those not familiar with that fiasco, the woman Nicky originally wrote the story about was a fantasy writer (as in, a professional writer, not a fanfic writer) who gave Nicky some concrit on a message board. He got butthurt, like he usually does, and not only sent her threatening messages, he sent threatening messages to her daughter (who was underage) as well. The main character was, in fact, the writer that Nicky threatened and this was a hatefic against her. After a huge outcry against him, Nicky changed the name of the main character and removed all references of her being the same person.
As far as I know, Nicky still doesn't feel bad about what happened and still believes that this story is genuinely good.

Didn't You Promise Me You Would the audio drama

2008-08-04T23:30:00.002-04:00

Oh boy!

My boyfriend took up my request to do a dramatic reading of a fanfic from this blog. So, now we're blessed with a very dramatic reading of Didn't You Promise Me You Would, the Invader Zim yaoi fanfic.

Just a warning, this is almost twenty minutes long. I didn't feel like making it a My Immortal-type video, so you guys just get the audio.

Download and stream it here.
Read the fanfic here. [update: the story has been deleted]

An Arrow of Love Part 3

2008-07-28T21:59:00.001-04:00

An Arrow of Love by Msz MunchkinSZ
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4332027/1/An_Arrow_of_love

It's been one week since the events of last chapter. Let's see what creepy not-incest is happening today!

Anzu’s Pov.

1 week later

After what happen that week in the back room no one said anything, I think the guards

were ashamed how Seto beat them merciless. But he was still mad at me for coming to

his rescue.

Oh well today his’s birthday and we finally get to see Mokuba and I bought him a

present. I might as well give it to him now, my dad has been working him so hard it just

wasn’t fair, he deserved much better than this.

“Hey Seto” I said, shyly, it’s so weird talking to him, the way he looks at me and an his

voice its like a dark melody and he’s always comforting me, I’ve grown much close to

him, he’s my first crush and he means more to me than anyone else besides Mokuba.

“Yes Anzu what's up?” he asked looking up from his work. “Umm Seto today’s your

birthday and well I kind of brought you a present” I said blushing ten shades of red.

“Ok what is it lets see it” he said. I know he likes duel monster and I thought of the

perfect gift from him that was in my deck I just hope he likes it. “Here you go Seto

Happy 13 birthday” I whispered to him and peck him on the cheek.

Aww, I was hoping she would go through with the eye transplant.

Seto’s pov

I looked at the gift Anzu handed me for my birthday, no one had done this for me in like

2 years. It was in a case I slowly open in it and what I saw in side took my breath away. It

was the Blue Eyes White Dragon card. I always wanted to hold this card she never told

me she had it even though we talked about duel monster. This card was one of the most

powerful card in duel monster’s and I always wanted it.

It's a love triangle now!

“Hey Anzu is everything alright” I asked softly she looked at me and nodded and turned

away. Liar I’ll try again “Anzu look at me and tell me what's wrong” I said more sternly,

she looked at me with fire in her eyes. “Damit! Seto! nothings wrong I’m fine” liar hm I

wonder if people get pay for lying. “Well it doesn’t look that way to me, what are you

hiding” I was becoming angry at her I thought she trusted me enough to tell me what's

wrong with her. Doesn’t she know how much I love her. Wait what the oh whatever I

love her big deal, its not like she feels the same way.

I'm going to start using "Wait what the oh whatever" in casual conversation now.

“why do you care?” she asked frustrated, I was taken aback with this question, I sighed

“Anzu the reason I care is because you’re a special person to me, you’re the one who’s

always here for me even when your father beats me you comfort me” I paused and looked

at her to see if I should continue her expression I took the risk.”Anzu what I’m trying to

say is that I’m in love with you but its alright if you don’t feel the same way back after all

I’m your brother –, I never finished my statement because she leaped into my arms “Silly

Seto I feel the same way you feel I’ve fallen in love with your since our first encounter”

she said and smiled and hugged me. “I love you too Seto forever and ever till the end of

time” she said looking at me and smiled. I looked at her and planted a kiss on her

forehead and said. “Well I’m glad you feel this way about me but we have to be careful I

don’t want your father to find out about us.”

This is supposed to be a sweet, touching moment. But, it's really damn creepy to me.

When we got to

Mokuba’s room he was excited to see us”Hey big brother and big sister where have you

guys been?” “Hey Moki um we’ve been a little bit busy with school and stuff” I never

lied to my brother before but I didn’t want him to worry it was completely unnecessary.

“Oh ok oh Seto by the way Happy Birthday!!” and handed me a locket to put around

my neck it shaped like a duel monster’s card and in was a picture of me and Mokuba

“thanks kid but where you got this from?” I asked him “One of the maids took me out

with her and I told her and she said she could make me it so I told her yes” he looked up

at me. I smiled it was one of the best birthday ever and I have had a beautiful girlfriend.

Lesson learned: Using the excuse "busy with school and stuff" is enough to please children when they want to know where you've been.

Suddenly, a guard tries to seduce Anzu!

“Hey brat” I

heard someone said, I knew who it was it was on of those guards that assaulted me.

“What do you want” she said with a lot of venom and hatred coming from her mouth.

“what where’s the boyfriend he’s not here to protect you now is he?” he was smirking

“don’t touch me unless you want to get a beating like the last time you jerk!” he touched

her how dare him! She was mine!! “Come on darling don’t be like that” that was it

Another lesson learned: Saying "Hey brat" to girls is a great way to pick them up.

“Don’t you dear touch her you incompetent bastard ” I growled out at him. “Or else I’m

going to have to teach you lesson and you don’t want Gozaboro finding out now do we” I

asked him I wanted to kill him with every fiber in me. He looked shocked that he got

outsmarted by a kid “You little bastard-” he was cut off my Anzu “Hi dad how are you?”

Anzu said sweetly standing next to me.

If calling a guy "incompetent" is outsmarting, I don't know what is.

The man quickly spun around with the look of horror in his face, “RUN!!”

screamed Anzu said and grabbed Mokuba's hand dragging him along with her. We were

all running that we didn’t notice the figure Anzu ran into, she looked up with fears in her

eyes. “I’m sorry Da--dad” she said her eyes looking ready to tear up. I took this as my

chance to step in and defend her “sir we was running away from the guard you hired and-

I couldn’t even get to continue “SILENCE!!” he said to me. “what did I tell you

Anzu?!” smack! “No running in the manor,” smack!.” Why are always you defying me?”

smack !! “STOP! YOU GOING TO KILL HER.” I screamed loudly Anzu was about to

go unconscious.” Shut up you brat!” he snapped at me.

He's going to smack her to death.

“Shut up and be

quiet little missy and listen to every word what I’m about to say” he paused and looked at

me and smirked. “I know all about your little infatuation with dear Seto”he pointed at me.

I heard Anzu gasped “now I’m going to send you away till you can act proper and do

what I want you too you’ll be going abroad for your studies you’ll be coming back when

your turn 16 and that’s that now get packing,” he said coldly “for you are leaving this

mansion as soon as possible now get out of my eyesight.”

I imagine Gozaboro saying this like Toya's dad in Tokyo Crystal Mew.

“you cant do that its not fair I wont go” she said SLAP!! “YOU LISTEN TO ME AND

YOU LISTEN TO ME NOW!! YOU ARE LEAVING THIS MANSION WHETHER

YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!! NOW BE GONE!!” he roared with fury. “Fine I’ll go but I’ll

be back! And when I come back you’ll be your own downfall!!” slap!!”Get going Anzu”

he told her coldly.

I'm surprised his hand doesn't get tired from slapping preteens around so much.

No Anzu this is my doing I don’t love you as much

as I thought I had. We’re to different people please grasp that” I said the look on her face was

going to haunt me forever I know that. “Seto tell me your joking please?!” she begged “no I’m

not joking Anzu its better this way Good bye.”

I told her and gave her one LAST KISS…..

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Chapter seven is the last one right now, and it's a bit boring. However, I will admit the author's grammar and sentence structure VASTLY improves.

The Verdict
While it's very very melodramatic and the grammar is awful the first six chapters, it improves on the seventh and I'm sure the author can do much better stories in the future. 2/5

An Arrow of Love: Part 2

2008-07-24T15:40:00.001-04:00

An Arrow of Love by Msz MunchkinSZ
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4332027/1/An_Arrow_of_love

When we last left Kaiba and Anzu, it seems that they had their own little Groundhog Day, as the second chapter was exactly the same as the first. Hmm...

Anyway, it is now the next morning...

Seto, Anzu and Mokuba was sleeping on her bed, Mokuba in the middle and Seto and

Anzu on either side. The sun was shining threw their window Anzu was the first to wake

up she looked over at the her new brothers, and smiled. After her out burst last night she

and Seto got to know each other a little bit more and they had a lot in common for

example they both like duel monsters Seto told her his favorite card is the Blue Eyes

White Dragon but he never got a chance to buy it and that there super rare and they

only 4 that was built by Pegasus.

I had no idea that cards were actually built. Do they have little scaffolding, too?

Going to Anzu’s pov:

And also his birthday is coming up a few days from now so I don’t know what to get him

maybe I could get him blue eyes? I don’t know but hopefully he’ll like it. I was lost in

thought when the door to my bed room opened and in stepped the butler Nesbitt he never

really liked me, but he was never bad to me either.

I don't know if Kaiba would like an eye transplant for his birthday.

“Miss Anzu your father wants to see you and your brothers immediately in his office, so

if I were you I wouldn’t waste my time day dreaming” he sneered and walked out of the

room. Oh great ‘just what I need an ugly butler ordering me uhh what a good way to

begin the day’, she thought. I might as well wake up Seto and Mokuba.

“Mokie wake up sunshine” she said softly to his to ears he was up and he looked happy to

see me and his brother besides him. He soo cute I just hope my father doesn’t lay one

finger on him.

It's okay, guys! They aren't blood siblings! It's not creepy at all!

So, then Anzu, Mokuba, and Kaiba get into a pillow fight. Awwwwwwww...

“PILLOW FIGHT!!” Mokuba screamed and start hitting both of us with the pillow. We

all was having so much fun we continue yelling and screaming for half an hour or so.

Then my father came storming in my room and looking mad as hell and behind him was

Nesbitt the butler smirking at me.

UH OH!

“What the hell is going on here?!,” he yelled

“didn’t I tell you to meet me in my office and hour ago!!” I looked over at the Seto and

Mokuba, he was behind his big brother and he looked scared I looked at Seto and what I

saw shocked me he was looking at my father with determination on his face. My father

noticed this and slapped him and then said

“don’t look at me like that boy I will not tolerate this from the two of you!” he shouted

“Nesbitt take Mokuba out of here and give him something to eat I have to teach my two

disobedient children a lesson,” he said. He came over to Mokuba and practically had to

pried him off of Seto’s arm. He looked over at me for assurance so I just nodded, even

my father would never stoop that low and hit a three year old. Mokuba let go of Seto’s

arm and exited the room with Nesbitt.

Run-on paragraph much?

“Follow me” my father said in a freaky calm voice, we followed him threw the mansion

then we came across a room that I never saw before, there are parts of the mansion I’m

not allowed to go to I guess this room was one of them.

When we entered this room I was shocked in it was two beds, a bathroom but no

windows. That was when my father decided to speak he turned around and smirked at me

and Seto and started to talk.

“Now children this room is going to be shared by the two of you” he paused and continue

“and I expect it to be clean and kept well,” this was too much me sharing a room with

Seto.

Woah woah woah. This is some Flowers in the Attic shit right here.

“uh father if you haven’t noticed I’m a girl and I need personal space” I stated simply not

to be mean or anything but sharing a room with a guy can be scary.

“Why Anzu I’m highly offended you don’t want to share a room with your brother Seto,”

he said coming towards me. I was slightly taken aback, what is he planning? I looked

over at Seto and he had the same look on him when Gozaboro hit him.

Then all of a sudden SMACK!! I think everyone in the mansion heard that slap it hurt

and the last thing I heard was someone screaming my name and then everything went black.

Aw hell, this is turning into a V.C. Andrews novel already.

“Now Seto this is your private tutor Mr. Makashi whatever he teaches you, you better

remember and also he has a right to whip you when you make any mistakes and the same

goes for my pathetic daughter as well.”

This man was NUTS first he knocks his daughter out and then he gives some tutor a right

to hit me how I hate this snake.

Prediction: Mr. Makashi is going to be a fundamentalist Christian.

“Step-father you’re a real snake--” before I even get to finished my sentence a book came

out of no where and hit me right in the head. then a punch came to my stomach I fell to

the floor trying to catch my breath when he said

“Well Seto you keep on rebelling and there will be more where that came from you got

that? you good for nothing piece of shit” he said. I didn’t had enough strength to argue so

I just said a tiny ‘yes’ and he smirked and started to tell me how things are going to from

now on. Just then Anzu started to stir

Then, Anzu is going to look at her pubescent body in the mirror when Kaiba accidentally comes down from the attic and sees her naked.

“well well if it isn’t our little princess what's wrong? You look like your hurt, well that’s

what you get for talking to your Daddy like that,” he sneered and smirked. “Well Seto I

should let Anzu and you get to your studies now don’t want you slacking now do we?”

“Huh what happen?” she asked softly before I could even response Gozaboro grabbed her

by her hair and said ”don’t ask questions pay attention to what you are taught don’t try to

distract Seto while he’s learning you little Whore” he said Anzu’s eyes widened and tears

start to fall “Now apologize for what you said to me yesterday and apologize for being a

disrespectful brat and mean every word you said.”

“I’m sorry for what I said to you and I’m sorry that I’m a disrespectful brat Father.”she

said

But suddenly, Anzu's father walks in and thinks that they're going to have sex! So, he tries to force Kaiba to cut Anzu's gorgeous hair, but he refuses! The next morning, Anzu wakes up to find her hair covered in tar.

So, two weeks later, Anzu and Kaiba are still living in the same bedroom.

Hell that’s all its been for me and Seto that bloody tutor-or was getting on my nerves I

hadn’t had a descent meal just water and breakfast and something for lunch. My father is

working hard on Seto, our tutor-or is teaching us about profits and involving business I

don’t want to be a part of this I want to be a dancer or a kindergarten teacher not some

bloody business person. I haven’t spoken to my little Mokie in weeks I asked my father

how was he and he told me to mind my own business. Right now Seto is with my father

training, my dad thinks he needs to toughens up and while there at it he’s discussing

business with him. Me and Seto were really close to each other now, I means he’s a really

sweet person and his eyes I think I could get lost looking in them. Holy Crap!! I think I

have a crush on my brother, not good he’s way too perfect for me, and he’s always strong

and doesn’t cry. And me I’m just a weakling brown hair blue eyes so what? Nothing

special, I’m just a plain Jane. How am I to get over this we live in the same room we

share the bathroom we practically live like a married couple. Hmmm being married to

Seto ‘uh what are you thinking he’s your brother for god sakes HE DOESN’T LIKE

YOU!GET OVER IT! HE’LL THINK YOUR SICK!’uh I have a headache I really need

some fresh air hm maybe I could just try and sneak out for a little while and clear my silly thoughts.

And then Anzu's father will slowly stop visiting them, except for when he lets them sneak into a Christmas party so they can see his new wife and their grandpa (who's a real jerk, lemme tell you).

Pain that’s all I can feel right now just one simple mistake and you get a chair handed to you.

“Now Seto I’ll ask you again what did I just say?” he asked. If your wondering what he’s

doing right now, my step father is teaching me the rules that he was taught while growing

up and let me tell you some of these rules are very stupid.

“Show no signs of pain, pain is weakness sir” I said trying to stand straight. He looked at

me “and what were you just doing Seto” he asked smirking.

But then, Anzu and Kaiba realize that they have some weird attraction toward each other and then have sex on a dirty old mattress.

“I was showing pain sir” I said but it hurts when he throws a damn chair or when he uses

his cat-o-nine tails. Its hurts when he hit me across my back with it. The stupid thing has

nine ends I felt like a slave. Everyday when I do something wrong he uses that on my

back. I never told Anzu this because she’ll would practically scream at him then he’ll

probably use it on her. Sharing a room with her isn’t bad, but she’s a girl and they like

privacy so I try to give her much as possible. We’re really closer now then ever she told

me about her childhood hey at least she had a memorable one. I haven’t seen Mokuba

these past few days I hope the kid was hanging in there. I have so many work to do like

tomorrow Gozaboro was going to test me on what I learnt so far on game theory and that

kind of crap, I never new being in the business field was so hard, you had to learn about

economics and social studies negotiate deals and bargains and contracts.

“Seto go to your room and tell my daughter I would like to see her we have business to

discuss” he stated simply.

Meanwhile, Mokuba dies of arsenic poisoning because Anzu's father didn't want him to get in the way of his relationship with his wife.

“I want to see my brother I said ignoring his comment” he looked back at me with fury in

his eyes and came up to me and grab by my collar “Did you not hear what I asked you to

do!!” he said shaking me and then threw me across the room.

“Seto I hate it when people are asked to do something and they want to go and do

something else” he said walking up to me. Just then two of his guards came in and

Gozaboro turned to them and said “makes yourselves useful and take him to the back

room and teach him a lesson that he’ll never forget,” he commanded. Oh no this cant be

good “what!! I didn’t do anything all I did was ask to see my little brother” I yelled as his

men were dragging me out of the room. I try to get out of their grip but they were really

strong. They were pulling me while I was shouting

“Damn you Gozaboro you’ll never get away with this mark my word!!,”I screamed out

loud. I was in the room where Gozaboro requested for the men to take me.

Did I mention the arsenic was in powdered donuts?

“Hey kid shut up or it’ll be ten times worse” he said and with that he started punching me

while the other guy was holding me. He threw punches in my stomach I hid my pain I let

them punch me. I would not let them see how weak i am, I’m strong I can fight this. They

kept taking their turns hitting me mocking me, telling me how I deserve this I choose for

it to happen. The other guy punched me in my face, I was going to pass out I had to stay

strong I would not let my emotions get the best of me.

“Seto!!” I heard someone scream, I knew that voice it was Anzu, she sound frighten I

looked in her direction and saw her running towards me. I felt her grab me in her hug, she

was crying she hates seeing me in pain she told me that herself, she hates seeing me in

pain, she probably will freak out but I think I love her, but I’ll never tell her because

she’ll probably freak out and runaway and never speak to me again. I held Anzu in my

arms, she was sobbing these past two weeks had took its toll on her.

“Why Seto why!!,” she screamed

Eventually, Anzu and Kaiba steal enough money from Anzu's dad to get some bus tickets and get the hell out of Dodge.

“shh Anzu everything’s going to be alright” I tried to tell her, sooth her, but she was then

snatched away from me by one of the guards. He was pulling her hair and he had that

look of lust in his eyes which was quiet disturbing. The other one was smirking at me he

started to punch me while Anzu screamed these punches were ten times worse.

“Seto no!! leave him alone! Please leave him” she yelled trying to free herself. I tried

dodging him. “What sweetheart can’t you see how pathetic he is, cant even stand up to

Keith you are going to watch him get his ass kicked while I hold you,” he laughed. That’s

it I felt a sudden adrenaline rush to me. I kicked the man where it counts and he felt to the

floor where it counts. Then I start punching him,

“hit him Seto hit him!!” Anzu screamed “let him feel your pain hit him hurt him!!” she

yelled. The guy on the floor was literally bleeding, at least this was what Gozaboro taught

me. “Come on Anzu lets run” and together we made our way to our so called room.

To be continued in 4 other books.

Break Post: My first flame!

2008-07-23T15:22:00.001-04:00

Checking my Devart today, I came across a flame!

"Honey, remember that blog entry you did about crappy OBJECTION drawings? Don't criticize others when you can't draw worth crap, m'kay?"

When I went to go tell her my drawings don't have deformed heads, I find out she blocked me! Ha, what a coward. Goes to show you they can dish it out, but they can't take it.

By the way, let's do a comparison, shall we?

Here's my latest submitted work: http://vegafanatic.deviantart.com/art/Laura-and-Nolan-88598784

Here's her's: http://missmysty.deviantart.com/art/A-Link-to-the-Past-88843126

I admit, she can do alright bodies, it's just her heads need some work. I mean, look:

http://missmysty.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-78581643
http://missmysty.deviantart.com/art/That-s-Life-Michael-81194678
http://missmysty.deviantart.com/art/More-Trouble-Than-It-s-Worth-7359697

Also, joke's on her, I'm going to art school to improve as an artist so I can do more than anime-style whatnot. And at least not all of my characters have big KAWAII ^_^ eyes and malformed heads.

Silly fangirls.

OH BOY UPDATE: Looks like she deliberately "blocked" her Devart on her own browser so she wouldn't see my comments anymore. By the way, I consider myself a fangirl, too. We fangirls are silly beings. We shouldn't take ourselves seriously. Oh, and she left three more comments on my Deviantart. Someone's a little cranky.

2010 Retrospective: Haha, oh memories. I still have her comments on my profile, so go ahead and read them. I admit, my responses probably weren't the best ever, but whatever. Heat of the moment stuff.
But, yeah, like the above says, she left a bunch of comments on my profile and claimed that she blocked me because I was "just going to flame [her]", which wasn't going to be the case, but whatever. She ended up writing a long journal entry about how she now hated Deviantart because everyone was mean and she was going to block it by using the parental controls on her browser, just so she wouldn't see all the mean comments anymore. To be honest, if she just would have said "I saw your blog and your comments struck a nerve with me. Can you please take it down?", I would have obliged. But, instead, she tried to make herself look like a martyr.
Anyway, all of her artwork and journal entries have since been deleted, so there isn't much use in copy/pasting those links.

An Arrow of Love Part 1

2008-07-13T00:11:00.002-04:00

An Arrow of Love by Msz MunchkinSZ
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4332027/1/An_Arrow_of_love

Yeah, weird updates and shit. I know.

Anyway, today's story is about what happens when Seto Kaiba becomes Anzu Mazaki's step-brother and, oh, abusive parents.

Seto pov continue…

Seto pov continue….

SETO POV!? SETO POVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Anzu came in looking like she’s just been beaten tears were running down her face, and

her face was black and blue and she was bleeding.

“Anzu!! Anzu!! Are you alright what happen?!” Mokuba cried and rushed over to her,

she was in pain I can tell she stood up for me in front of her dad, she’s a very brave and

courageous person to endure that.

Must...resist...Zero Wing joke...

“Its alright Mokuba’s it not that’s bad I’ve had worse” she stated smiling slightly but it

didn’t reach her eyes. She lean down to gather Mokuba in her arms and told him that

everything is going to be ok, and that Gozaboro wont ever harm him. He would never

harm my little brother not as long as I’m here, I made a promise to be here for him and

I’m not a person to break my words. Anzu hasn’t talked to me as yet, I gave her a look

over the marks are starting to show but she stopped crying along time ago now she was

was sitting on the floor with Mokuba in her arms rocking him slightly and telling him that

everything’s going to fine, she’ll always be there for him. That was touching I never met

someone who was caring as her.

Run-on paragraph much.

“Seto can you please come help me up here? I think Mokuba’s asleep”, she stated I went

over to her and Mokuba was asleep, I picked him up from her and put him on her bed.

There was no where in hell was I going out back there not until I get some answers from

Anzu. After I finished tucking him in I turned to her and sighed.

“Come on lets talk out here”, and she stepped out on her balcony, it was quiet for a few

seconds before she started to talk.

Oooh, a romantic moment!

“Remember when I left to go downstairs to get you an ice-pack and tissue for your

mouth?” I nodded for her to continue “My dad he was waiting for me in the doorway and

Seto he told me your going to get discipline, that’s not good Seto, and he’s

going to get rid of me cause he thinks I’m going to distract you and then I asked I’m if

he was done and he just smirked and grabbed me by my hair and start slapping me I tried

to escape him but he was too strong for me I screamed but no one heard me,” I just stood

dare looking at her in shocked she just endure all of that because of me , I suddenly felt

anger towards Gozaboro how dare him treat her that way?! What kind of father is he?

“and even if they did they wouldn’t have done anything about it,” she stated and just

smiled slightly,

Oh, at least it's not rape or anything.

“How did you convinced my dad to adopt you?”, I just shrugged

“I challenged him in chess we made a deal if I won he adopted me and Mokuba but now I

think I’m going to regret it”, I told her. she just looked at me and smiled and told me

“Seto you’re a KAIBA now we don’t run from our problems we face them, I know your

going to make good CEO for Kaiba Corp,” I was shocked me being a ceo? I don’t think I

can do that, but wait don’t Kaiba- corp is mostly about building weapons of destruction??

So many questions so little time, and wait isn’t she Gozaboro Kaiba’s only child and

heiress to the fortune why me??

When was Anzu ever heiress to the Kaiba Corp?

“Anzu what makes you think I’m going to run Kaiba-Corp one day?” I asked her, she just

looked at me and smile “Seto I’m a type of person who abhors to violence and building

weapons of destruction isn’t something I like to do. Our father is a man with power but

he likes to abuse that right, he likes to hurt people if anything doesn’t go the way he

wants he throws a fit and he normally takes his anger out on people”. What have you

gotten yourself into Seto?? Maybe I should just leave with Mokuba no!! Seto you

promised him the best in life and that’s what he’s going to get I will take over KC and I

will work my but off if I have to and rebuild everything and turn it into a gaming company that was always one of my dreams and to be duel monsters champ hmm so why not give it ago Seto?

What? This is making less sense as it goes along.

“Yes Anzu we’re friends” I stated simply and looked up at the stars, they reminded me of

my mom and she said that stars gave us hope. Thank you mom for sending me a new friend

like Anzu. For the remainder of the night me and Anzu talked we asked each other simple

questions and got to know each other it was getting late so I told her she should sleep but

she was very stubborn that’s one thing we had in common we’re both tenacious and we

could be vain when we want too, but other than that she’s not a bad person the more I

learn about her the more I feel to be there for her as her friend and not her brother ( he doesnt feel like her brother he feels more like a friend people) .

I looked at the stars and sighed and went to the room where Mokuba and Anzu was

sleeping, as soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep.

Normal Pov:

Unknown to Anzu and Seto there was someone watching them from the dark with a very angry expression.

UH OH!

The twist is that chapter two is exactly the same as the first.

Next time: Chapters three and four of this terrible epic.

Didn't You Promise Me You Would

2008-06-23T13:33:00.003-04:00

Didn't You Promise Me You Would by zany-chan
Fandom: Invader Zim
[2010 Update: Yeah, I forgot to post the link to this, but it's dead, anyway.]

Yeah, I admit, I like IZ. But, I think GIR is annoying and I especially hate the fandom.

...So what if I shop at Hot Topic sometimes!? Shut up!

*ahem*

DYPMYW is a songfic set to the song Teen Angel. Oh, and it's an angst-fest.
So, Zim and Dib, being gay lovers and all, decide to kill themselves since they wouldn't be accepted by human and Irken societies. How romantic!!

I was with you. We had a plan to die together on top of this car on our railroad track we used to flatten pennies on. My human society and your irken society did not take us in. We were both defects on our two very different planets. I believed in you. We were gonna die together and be together forever. I was one for science and the paranormal but I didnt believe in a heaven or anything like it. Your whole culture besides a handful believed that you were just a dead corpse rotting in the ground after you died. I believed the same thing but you said there was another worldly type place. It was hard to figure out. I could never read you.

BUT! Dib starts to realize maybe he doesn't want to die! And Zim decides to kill himself anyway.

Then you turned to me, smiled and said that I had lied to you. I just looked at you confused . I had no idea on what you meant by that. You backed away from me and hesitated for a second at the most before running away with those painful tears threatening to fall from your eyes. Right back to my car I had gotten for my 16th birthday from Dad. It was nice to be rich.

So, Zim gets hit by a train. And we get some lovely purple prose.

Your soft green hand actually landed next to me when the train hit your small frame. I'm not sure how that happened but it did and I leaned down to pick it up. Something stopped me from doing it though and Gaz came to me as I looked at the sky. My own tears had fallen and I wanted so much to hold you and stare into your ruby eyes again.

Something didn't click still until I remembered what you had said a few days ago. We were talking about a homework assignment and out of no where you said, "If I were to ask if you would die with me and you said yes, would you actually go through with it?" I had thought it was a silly question and promised you that I would. Now I know that I really am a liar. I felt horrible and sick to my stomach. I fell to my knees, no longer looking at the dark night sky and vomited on the tracks. The train had been gone for about five minutes by then.

Gaz and a few other people helped gather the peices of you that were still recognizable. Unfortunately that ended up only being your left hand, a contact, and your leg. I only wanted your hand though. It held something dear to me in it. The ring I had given you on our one year anniversary that had just come up was grasped tight in your fingers. I didnt care about the gold blood that got all over my black band shirt. I was too depressed to think of what my clothes looked like at that moment. I felt like crap and most likely so did everyone else who dared to spend time with me over the next few days.

Then the fanfic descends into something even more terrible.

Dad had found a way to put you together again. At first I was skeptical because I hadn't thought your alien cells wouldn't come together right with Dad's device. He promised me it would work on you even if you were an alien. They weren't going to disect you. I laughed when Gaz and Dad told me that. Only it wasnt a normal laugh. It was hysterical. Just like I was the few weeks before your funeral. I had gone on a rampage destroying almost everything near my house and in yours. Gir had decided I was its new master but I fixed him a while ago so he really did act like a SIR unit. It didn't matter anymore. I had to get away and almost killed myself twice trying to. Those stupid gnomes always shot at me everytime I went by. Those things killed Mrs. Bitters. Not that I'm complaining but it was still sad. She was cremated after everyone failed to find any evidence I did it.

Your body finally came back together about a week later. It had taken time for your cells to respond to the machine and I was there when the peices (oh so many were small) came back together Your golden blood sprayed around for a while as pieces came back but I was the only one not wearing a suit. Your blood had touched me before just like mine had touched you. You had always been one for sadism only your claws had always got burned in the process. I had found a way to make water not hurt you. It involved digging into your pak and after I was done it could be taken off and make you human. Now your dead though so I watch them tear the pak off and they hand it to me saying something about how it can be a way to remember you.

Into a terrible, rambling mess.

They put you in a coffin right after I left to take the pak home. Gaz met me there. She's been such a great sister this whole time. She's actually starting to be a normal girl everywhere not just at high skool where its expected of her. She doesnt play video games around anyone anymore, but she always has her Ipod near. I suspect that she plays her video games while listening to it. Games had been her way of ignoring the world thinking it was ruining her. Now music was the expressive way. She doesnt wear her dress and leggings anymore with that skull. Nope. She doesn't. She's more into the emo style now. I thinks she cuts but it can't be too bad because its not on her wrists. I think its her ankles or upper arm. Those areas were never shown and still aren't. I suspect I'm right but I'll probably never know now that your gone. You two were so close. At the funeral today I cried and so did she. That was the first time I had ever seen her cry. It made me sob even harder and I actually ran to your coffin and held your body before they could close the casket to move and bury. Gaz walked closer and held the one hand I hadn't covered. My body was shaking violently and the tears were running down my face at an alarming pace. I think I scared your Tallest. They had come to take your body away but decided against it when I began crying to them about it. I had cried so much this past month or two. I can't remember how long it was. Finally Gaz pulled me off and they took you away to your burial spot. I wasn't allowed to go so I stayed with your Tallest and we had a long bitter conversation about how they planned to take over the planet.

And then, we get this:

I said I didn't care and that I wouldn't stop them if they tried. Most of the converesation was questions and answers and finally after an hour of talking I blurted out that you were pregnant and that they could share everything with humans if they wanted to.

Then, Dib becomes obsessed with visiting Zim's grave.

I finally left your grave and got in the car with Gaz. She took me twice everyday. once after lunch and once after supper. I didn't want to drive and she said that it was okay. The high skool had gotten used to it and had switched my class to a study hall after lunch instead of P.E. and Gaz had that same study hall already so it was easy for her to leave. After a while I started going at night only after supper and my schedule was back to how it originally was at skool. I quit going every night after a month and began only visiting your grave twice a week which mellowed down to once a month. I had been visiting your grave for almost 18 months until Gaz refused to drive me anymore. I had turned 18 in that time and Gaz was moving out with her new boyfriend. She'd changed her style to punk a few months before meeting him and they hit it off almost immediatley.

Finally, Dib meets another Irken and they become gay lovers, too! Awwww...

I finally agreed to drive myself. I had gone so many times that week but finally went back to my normal schedule of once a month and met a guy at the store I worked at. I was putting away some perverted movie rented by my own dad and had looked to the left. I thought it was you at first but then realized it was another Irken. I hadn't seen too many irkens and had never figured out how to tell them apart. You had always said it was hard to tell humans apart but your technology was further advanced so your pak could program what my voice sounded like so you could tell me apart from everyone else. That guy I met became someone I worked with. His disguise was just as crappy as your and I asked him out after closing up one night. He said that you had been one of your best friends and that yes he would because you had told him it was your duty to take over for him.

I guess you really did love me because this Irken you sent as a substitute for you helped me out and we stayed together. We went twice a month to visit your grave. Both of us had been former lovers to you although the most you and the other Irken had done was hug and kiss and go out. I smiled a genuinely sad smile the first time I went to your grave with him and could have sworn I heard you say you loved us both. I silently whispered to the wind, "And we love you too." The Irken next to me smiled and must have heard both me and you. He said something in your language and your reply was also in that language.

I found out there was really was an afterlife after all. Only it wasn't how anyone dreamed it to be. It was greater then that but I wouldn't know for sure until I died.

The Verdict:
If I may take a page from Blogger Beware: What.
0/5

Horrible Fan Art: OBECTION!

2008-06-12T11:03:00.002-04:00

I love Ace Attorney. It's one of my favorite series, especially since very few characters really annoy me (Dhalia and Iris). But, the fandom is full of creepy people, like Sailor Moon.
Anyway, one of the most popular parts of the series is, of course, OBJECTION!
This has led to some pretty bad fanart from not only fangirls, but fetishists, too. ugh.
Note that I got all of this just by searching "objection" in DeviantArt.

http://gnight.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-60628555
And already we're hit by the fat furries.

http://thewhiterose000.deviantart.com/art/Objection-59886117
OMG A KITTY IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S OBJECTING ISN'T THAT SO WACKY!?

http://zaffe.deviantart.com/art/Objection-50873889
OMG NINJA LAWYER ON A SKATEBOARD HOW RANDOM!!!

http://poorlyexecuted.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-88366476
No, it's not Morgan Webb, guys. Sorry.

http://vegafanatic.deviantart.com/art/Objection-The-Musical-54407988
OMG A MOVIE POSTER AND IT'S A MUSICAL ABOUT LAWYERS AND...oh wait, I made this. *ahem*

http://missmysty.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-78581643
Apollo has a weird-shaped head. [2010 update: the artist has since deleted not just the picture, but also her whole profile. You can read more of that story in the "My First Flame" entry!]

http://foxfire5.deviantart.com/art/Objection-41976832
We don't need a fat Mia Fey. Her boobs are big enough already. [Update: Artwork has since been deleted]
on a related note:

http://slifer-x000.deviantart.com/art/Inflated-Mia-Fey-58617971
I hate inflation fetishists.

http://finalfantasykitsune.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-26657398
What the hell is it with furries and Phoenix Wright? I swear, there's a ton of furry art like this.

http://virado.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-78367922
It's also popular to take screenshots of anime and TV shows where a person is pointing dramatically and put OBJECTION! on them. Yes, I know Haruhi parodied AA at one point, but it's still fucking lame.

And so, art like this (except for my genius movie poster) is the reason why I pretend the AA fandom is only less than 10,000 people and none of them are creepy.

Inflatable Movies

2008-06-02T20:13:00.002-04:00

Sweet Bajeesus, it's been a while. Well, I'm now a High School Graduate, so I guess I have more free time. Woop woop.

Inflatable Movies by Primrose1973
Fandoms: Lady and the Tramp, Real Person Fic, The Red Balloon, The Simpsons
http://cartoon.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=22234
(for those who are too lazy for Google, Sally Rand was an actress during the 1920s and 30s)

WARNING: This entry has things having to do with crazy fetishes. If you really don't like the thought of people with creepy balloon fetishes, then feel free to skip this entry. However, if you're a masochist (or you just can't help yourself) keep reading!

As stated in my nice little disclaimer there, this is a story about balloon fetishes. No, not inflation fetishes (although that's just as creepy). These people get turned on by actual balloons.

So, our story begins with a crossover. I might as well post it in its entirety, since it's very short.

Sally Rand and The Tramp played on an illuminated stage with a large, crystal clear and round balloon, that were illuminated by the hundreds of light on the stage.

After the dog and the girl had pushed the balloon over to each other for a while, was Sally removing her clothes, and the girl began to sit and rode on the dog with the squeaking balloon between them for a while, as they moaned softly.

Then was Sally rubbing the balloon all over The Tramp's body, and it made Sally came for the first time, as her liquid splattered out on herself, the balloon and the dog.

The horny girl laid and rubbed the giant balloon against her bare genitals in some minutes until she finally released her juice again, and after the two friends had laid and relaxed, was Sally taking her clothes on again, and deflated the wet balloon.

...ick. At least it wasn't direct bestiality, right? RIGHT?!

Next, we cut to a short story involving The Red Balloon. I'm not going to copy it here, since the character in this case is a little kid. Yeah, I hate most adult fan fiction. Why AFF authors sink so low as to do stories about little kids is a mystery to me.

The last one is a Simpsons story, and again, I refuse to repost it here due to underage characters.

The Verdict
Balloon fetishists are silly and having little kids have sex in fanfics is disgusting. 0/5

Sleep

2008-05-15T22:53:00.003-04:00

Sleep by KagomeMiroku
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3629311/1/Sleep [2010 Update: Link is dead.]

So, I was going to do a Hey Arnold slasher fanfic, but I had some formatting trouble.
ANYWAY!

Sleep is a melodramatic songfic. A very melodramatic songfic. It also has some weird pairings.
Kaiba/Mai?
Jonouchi/Isis?
Mokuba/Shizuka?
Marik/OC?

Yeah, I wonder when Mokuba and Shizuka got together, since Shizuka is a teenager and Mokuba is, like, 9.

Anyway, the story starts with Kaiba yelling at his lisping son:

"What did I tell you! Stop bugging me!" I hollered.

"Daddy, pwease list..."

"NO! Go to your room!" I shouted.

The little boy that stood in front of me began to cry. Out of his big brown eyes tears raced down his face. My only son, cried, he was upset right in front of me and all I could do is holler! Jon ran down the hall to his room. I just sat on the couch.

"You know how he gets, Seto!" my wife shouted and raced down the hall to my son's room. "Jonny. Sweetie, it's mommy. Open up." she demanded without any sound of anger in her voice. It was calm and peaceful, ready to give open arms to our son.

But he wouldn't answer her.

"Jon? Please open this door." she more firmly spoke.

Still no reply.

Finally, she ran into our room and grabbed a bobby-pin. She placed the pin inside the door and unlocked it. I shot up from my possition at the sound of her scream. I ran into Jon's room, to find it empty (other than my wife) with the curtains of his bedroom widow blowing everywhere, the screen thrown onto the floor cut open, the glass part was all the way open.

I ran to the window and looked out. My wife, Mai, was almost crying at the loss. I hugged her, but she pulled away.

"It's all your fault." she blamed me. "It's all your fault. If you never hollered at him, maybe he'd be still happy and with us! Get out!" she hollered.

"But, Mai..."

"OUT!" she pointed to the door rubbing her eyes.

UH OH!!
So, Kaiba wanders around town, emoing about his son. What about calling the police, Kaiba!?
Oh, wait, I know why. "Screw the cops, I have money."

Everywhere he swore he had seen Jon. "Daddy!" Jon screamed running towards him. Seto couldn't believe his eyes. He ran towards his son and embraced him, but once he had reached the arms of his son, he dissapeard.

"No!" he shouted, tears running down his face.

Uh huh...
Next, we cut to Yugi and Anzu (the only plausible couple in this story):

Yugi Moto, walked inside his house in California. His wife sat on the couch, she was crying.

"What's wrong?" he asked concerned.

"Yugi, I lost the baby." the wife replied.

Yuig stared at her wide-eyed and rushed to her side.

"No you didn't. She's still right there in your stomach!" Yugi worriedly hollered.

The wife began crying, and Yugi hugged her. "Maybe it's not gone, have faith." he told her.

Wait, is she still pregnant? Is Yugi in denial? Fuck, I don't know.
Then, Mokuba sees Shizuka cheating on him!!!

It was a misunderstanding.' Mokuba thought to himself. 'There not together.' he kept repeating in his mind after seeing his wife kissing her old best friend.

"Mokuba!"

His wife came out.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"You know perfectly well!" Mokuba actually screamed.

His wife tried to stand and look innocent

I don't blame her for cheating, since he's 9 years old and all.

Seto walked past a water fountain and sat on its edge. His elbows on his knees, and his hands on both sides of his face. He looked up for a brief moment and saw someone he knew.

"Ishizu?" he asked.

The woman turned around with a tear-stained face.

"What happened?" Seto asked.

"Joey and me are over." she replied.

The woman took a seat on Seto's right and cried onto his shoulder.

"Why?" he asked.

"He never honestly loved me. It was a dare." she told him then asked, "Why are you here? Is something wrong with you and Mai?"

Why Jonouchi and Isis!? What's the point!?

Marik and Rebecca both sat on the couch crying, "My baby!" Rebecca cried onto Marik's shoulder.

Marik looked down at her and cried as well.

"I'll never see my baby again!" she cried some more.

"Olivia." Marik whispered the name of his now dead daughter.

A boy around fifteen years old walked in also crying. He walked over to his parents and was pulled into a family hug.

ahahahahahahahahahaha. I love the idea of Marik as a family man. But, I thought he was a wife-batterer (See: Wishes Never Come True).

"Serenity, I can't believe you." Mokuba scolded her, looking away from her.

"But Mokie..."

"No. No 'but Mokie'. Not anymore." he cried, his new glasses fogged up and were filled with tears.

I think I have a new favorite fanfic quote.
Well, as it turns out, the whole fanfic was a dream! Yay lazy endings!

"It was only a dream..." I breathed and walked into Jon's room.

He was sound asleep.

I smiled and went over to the side of his bed, "I love you buddy."

"I wuv you too Daddy." Jon yawned, without opening his eyes.

I kissed the top of his head and went back to my room where Mai was slowly waking up.

"What's wrong, Seto?" she asked.

"Nothing, babe." I assured her and kissed the top of her head. "Not anymore."

The Verdict
This fanfic is certainly not as good as Days of Our Lives. I mean, DoOL has Snake Plissken (okay, it's really some guy that looks like him). 1/5

Story Description Special: Yu-Gi-Oh

2008-05-04T01:10:00.001-04:00

Most of the time, the story descriptions on fanfiction.net are really damn horrible. Just as bad as the stories themselves.

This is the first part in a series, starting with Yu-Gi-Oh.

Life's not easy for Bakura, a cursed kitten alone in the world where the weak are shunned. However, things turn around when his reincarnation Ryou invites the kitten into his home, and his life. He has no idea what he's getting himself into...

Tee hee, Bakura-kun's a kawaii little KITTY!!!!!! ^________^

Serenity wants to have a boyfriend and starts to cut herself and she wants her brother to understand her choice. Seto is cutting and planning to commit suicide and wants Mokuba to understand why. Will it be too late or will an unlikely event happen. R&R

What the fuck is it with fangirls and cutting!? Well, at least this one's blunt about it. WARNING: THIS FIC HAS CUTTING R&R

I'm rewriting the YuGiOh series the way it should have been! This will be YamixYugi and perhaps SetoxJoey if you people want it but it will be YamixYugi no matter what! Full summart inside 'cause I suck at short ones... ON HIATUS!

As I mentioned in the last entry (My Immortal), it's one of the rudest things in the world saying that an established story would be "much better if I wrote it". Yeah, YGO would be soooooooooo much better if all the male characters were gay and had lots and lots of sex.
I have no problem with yaoi in fanfiction, as long as the fanfic author doesn't act like "THIS IS HOW CANON SHOULD HAVE BEEN".

The miko is at it again with another of her mutilations, um I mean adaptations. This time it's one of the awesome and classic sci-fi film Blade Runner. Die hard Blade Runner fans STAY AWAY! You have been warned.

Okay, I admit, I haven't watched Blade Runner yet (shocking, I know). But, I'm sure most BR fans wouldn't appreciate their fandom being retold with YGO characters. I know I wouldn't.

Yami has been abuse by his parents in many ways, no kid should expierence but still do. Tea is a sweet innocent girl, that comes to his care, when he's beaten up. Seto,a rich teenager, and is Tea's 3year boyfriends. A love Triangle forms.Love? hate? Trust

Here's another common fanfic cliche: A character with nice parents in canon is horribly abused by them in fanfics. I guess this is the fangirl version of writing mean songs about their dads.

Usagi Kinmoto is an Egyptian girl with many secrets. Many of them, she didn’t know she had. Having died and reincarnated twice already, can Usagi fulfill her destiny? Will the third time be the charm, or will she reincarnate again?

Uh, does anyone know anyone from Egypt with a Japanese name? Didn't think so.

Cloud Strife still longs to defeat Sephiroth, but after seeing his rival in his dreams, darkness slowly takes over his heart. Will he learn to turn back to the light, or will Sephiroth convince him to stay in the shadows?

The description makes it seem like it's a FFVII fic only. I was going to report it was in the wrong section until I saw that it's actually a FFVII/YGO crossover. Jesus H. Christ, it's not hard to say it's a crossover in the description!

Shizuka catched Seto cheating on her.. Song is by MY CHEMCIAL ROMANCE and I DO NOT OWN YUGIOH!

The word is caught and My Chemical Romance is shit.

After a vampire comes into Yugi's room late at night and kidnaps him. Can he break the cold heart of the vampire or forever be torture by him. If he does then what will happen if his father gets to him and escapes. Can the vampire save him or will he die

Another fangirl staple: vampires. No matter what genre the fandom is in, there has to be a fanfic with vampires and yaoi.

Okay, that's enough for now.

My Immortal

2008-05-01T19:13:00.001-04:00

My Immortal by gaara13313
Fandom: Death Note
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4227226/1/My_Immortal

Like YGO fangirls, Death Note fangirls tend to be horrible people.

As the title says, this is a songfic based on the Evanescense song. You know, the one we've heard a million times and has been used in a million other songfics. Fuck you, Evanescense and your Mall Goth fanclub. And Amy Lee sounds like an opera reject.

*ahem*

So, MI starts off with another Author's Note (tm)!
"Disclaimers: I do not own the song nor the anime. If I did own the anime, then it would be a MA-rated film with L and Light uh…… you get the idea……. I don’t own the song either. If I did, then I would be able to sing soprano, not tenor. Got it?"

Fanfic tip #4: Disclaimers are a-ok. But, it's immature and rude to say what you would do with your fandom if it was yours. I wouldn't like it if people would tell me what they would do to my original story if they wrote it and neither would you.

"I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

Light looked down at a picture he had of Ryuuzaki. He knew that it was for Ryuuzaki’s own good that he was dead, but somewhere, deep inside Light’s heart, he regretted killing the detective. Never had Light had such a close friend, never before had Light been so happy being with someone. At first, they started out friends, but then Light’s feelings started to develop into so much more. Light knew that if he lingered onto the past any longer, he would be caught as Kira, but he just… couldn’t move on. Losing a loved one had that much of an impact on him. Kira was unsettled. And regretful."

Oh, god, Ryuu-kun! Why did I kill you!? WHY!? *licks L's picture*

"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

A single tear. That was all Light had shown at Ryuuzaki’s funeral, and that surprised many of his friends. However, they did not know what truly went on in Light’s head. Every night, before he would sleep, Light’s sobs could be heard echoing throughout his house. His parents and sister were worried, but Light refused to see a physiatrist. He claimed that “they would never understand his feelings.” Even now, after so long…. His pillows would be tear-stained in the morning and his eyes would be constantly red and puffy."

I never heard of a "physiatrist" before. Is it like a physiologist for your mind?

"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

Light bowed his head as he placed a bouquet of roses on Ryuuzaki’s grave. “Ryuuzaki…. do you remember when you came to me crying because Matsuda had knocked all your sweets off the table?” He whispered. Light could still remember that day with so much clarity. Ryuuzaki had buried his head on Light’s shoulder and Light could still remember wrapping his arms around the detective and hugging him. Then, Light had wiped Ryuuzaki’s tears away and went out with him to buy a strawberry shortcake from a nearby bakery. When Ryuuzaki was eating it, a small bit of icing remained on the side of his mouth. That was their first kiss."

Matsuda's such a meanie-face, right Ryuu-kun? Oh god, I want to lick the sugar off your mouth again, baby. *licks L's picture again*

"You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

“Light-kun? Light-kun!” Light shook his head as he was startled out of his reverie.

“I’m sorry, Ryuuzaki-kun, did you say something?” Light asked. He had been so captivated by Ryuuzaki’s voice that he wasn’t paying any attention to the actual words coming out of the raven head’s mouth. Ryuuzaki sighed.

“What’s wrong, Light? You usually aren’t like this?” Ryuuzaki wrapped his thin arms around Light’s neck.

“It’s nothing, Ryuuzaki.” Light murmured, after pressing his lips briefly on Ryuuzaki’s.

“Damn!” Light threw the Death Note across the room. If he hadn’t gone and killed Ryuuzaki, they could be happy together now. Light could have given up possession of the notebook, and he could be living with Ryuuzaki now. Light sat up in bed, panting. It was 3 o’clock in the morning and the light of the sun was beginning to penetrate the dark sky. Light laid back in bed, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. “Another one of those nightmares…” Light whispered to himself, burying his head into his pillow. Every night, the dream of Ryuuzaki’s death would haunt Light. Everywhere Light went, he could hear Ryuuzaki’s voice. It was maddening."

I-I bought you an engagement ring, baby. Oh, Ryuu-kun! Marry me! I don't care what they think! I'll make you happy! Our wedding cake will be pure sugar! Just for you! RYUU-KUN!!!

"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

Light brought the cold blade to his wrist. The physical pain made Light forget about the mental and emotional pain. This was the only method in relieving himself that did not include committing suicide. No. Light would not take his own life. He knew that he could never be with Ryuuzaki again. Just that thought made Light want to die. But he couldn’t…. wouldn’t… take his life. Even in death, they could never be together."

It just wouldn't be an Evanescense songfic without cutting.

"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

Light pressed his lips to Ryuuzaki’s neck. When he came back up, he noticed tears in Ryuuzaki’s eyes. “What’s the matter, love?” Light asked.

“Will this hurt?” Ryuuzaki whimpered. Light licked the tears away.

“I’ll lessen the pain as much as possible.” Light whispered, before kissing his boyfriend deeply. That was the night where they lost both their virginities to each other."

...moving on...

"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all alone

As Light lay there on the wooden stairs, he still heard Ryuuzaki’s voice whispering into his ear. “Soon, we’ll meet again, Light.” Light shook his head.

“No, Ryuuzaki. Never. I cannot go to heaven or hell. They are both forbidden to me. I’m sorry.” With those words, Light Yagami took his last breath, alone, and died."

Hear that? That's the canon breaking.

"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

The Yagami family stood over Light’s grave. “Light… Ryuuzaki…” They left violets on each of the graves, and left after saying goodbye to Light. They were moving, and this would be the last time they would ever see anything to do with Light.

Two months later, a lone boy with white hair and white pajamas on would visit the graves of Light and Ryuuzaki and he would notice a red bush growing out from the soil. The branches were entwined with each other and the leaves were all pointing upwards toward heaven. “Light…. Ryuuzaki… the red fern….” The pajama-clad boy’s eyes would grow wide as he looked upon the plant that was said to only be able to be planted by an angel. “I see you two are happy together in heaven…”"

Fangirl Christianity at work again!

The Verdict

Cutting, Evanescense, Canon-Breakage. Three of the many fangirl sins. 0/5

Wishes Never Come True

2008-04-30T19:43:00.001-04:00

Wishes Never Come True by journey maker
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4015406/1/Wishes_Never_Come_True

In my experience with the fandom, YGO fangirls tend to be some of the most broken people you will ever encounter. I knew one once, but that's another story.

Anyway, WNCT is one of the most horrible, brutal, non-guro fanfics ever. It's supposed to make you feel sympathetic to Serenity's plight, but it created a "Jesus H. Christ, what the fuck!?" response from me.

"She stood looking out the window of the room and as tears ran down her face she prayed for this nightmare to end. She touched her bulging stomach and then she thought about how that monster had used her over and over for his own sexual needs and then that day when she felt something moving inside her stomach and when she told him about it, he ordered her examined and when it was confirmed that she was with child, he was overjoyed and all she wanted to do as get this abomination out of her and destroy it and this monster who impregnated her with this thing. This is how it all began..."

Who's the father!? We must know!

"It all started when she wished she could find the perfect guy to fall in love with and then three days later while she was walking in the Park she sat down on a bench and closed her eyes and then she heard the most beautiful voice say “I found you at last, the girl of my dreams.”"

Tip #3: Avoid run-on sentences! This can easily be made into two, or even three, sentences.

"Serenity opened her eyes but no one was there. She shook her head and then she felt kind of light headed and then everything went black. When she opened her eyes she was in a strange room lying on this huge bed covered in rose petals and as she got up she noticed that se was dressed in an old Victorian style dress and her hair was piled upon her head. She got off the bed and walked around the room and she came to a window and as she looked out she cried tears of sorrow because she missed her family."

And now, some tips on how to spot a wife-batterer!
Tip 1: Wife-batterers will magically transport you to magic castles and put you in old fashioned dresses and shower you with rose petals.

"The door opened and in walked the most handsome young man that she had ever seen and he walked over to her and he reached out his hand and something made her place her hand in his and this young man kissed her hand and then in the most beautiful voice he said “Why are you crying my princess?”

Serenity wiped her eyes and she said “I want to go home, I miss my family.”

This young man then said “My name is Malik and I’m going to be your family from now on. The others don’t exist anymore you are going to live here with me for ever more.”

Serenity yanked her hand away from this young man and she said “You are not nor will you ever be my family!” Then she ran over and climbed into the bed and curled into a ball and cried and cried."

Tip 2: Wife-batterers will give you flowery pet names. Oh, and they'll snatch you away from your family.

"Malik had a very vicious look on his face then he turned and walked over to the door and before he left he said “You will soon realize that I’m your family now and if I have to I will prove it to you the only way I know how.” Then he slammed the door shut and this caused Serenity to jump and wonder what he really meant by that statement.

Three times a day a slave girl would bring meals to Serenity and at first she refused to eat but by the second day she was so hungry that she ate everything the slave girl brought her. This slave girl was really kind to Serenity and one day she asked the young girl “What is your name?”

The young girl didn’t say a thing and when Serenity touched her arm the slave girl flinched but when Serenity showed that she meant no harm to her the young girl watched as Serenity asked her the question again and the young girl pointed to her throat and then Serenity knew that she must be mute and so she smiled and the young girl took the tray and left."

Tip 3: Wife-batterers have slave girls.

"If only Serenity would have known why this young slave girl couldn’t talk she would have probably jumped from the window right then and there. The young slave girl was the daughter of the cook and one day Malik was extremely sexually excited and needed a woman and when he noticed this young girl outside in the garden alone, he went outside and he gently took the girl by the hand and led her into the maze and when they got to the middle he forced himself upon her and as she started to scream for help he smothered her just enough to make her faint and then he raped her little body over and over till he got reached his orgasm and then he carried her body to the old woman who treated her for the rape and Malik then ordered her to remove the girls vocal cords or die right then and there, well what could the woman do, she did as she was told and that’s why to this day the young slave girl never talks."

Yet another run-on sentence.
Tip 4: Wife-batterers will often have the vocal chords of their victims removed.

"Serenity was getting bigger every day with this thing growing inside her and that’s all she thought of it and how that monster had force her too to allow him to ravish her body and then finally when he lost his patience with her, he raped her like he did the young girl, the only difference Serenity didn’t scream but she fought him tooth and nail and this only made him laugh all the harder. When it was done he told her “You will be here for me and do as I say day or night, is that understood?”

And that’s exactly what it was like for her. She never was allowed to leave the room and the only people allowed in the room were the slave girl and Malik. As her pregnancy progressed and she could no longer lay on her back when Malik wanted sex, he forced her to get on her hands and knees and he get behind her and screw he like a bitch in heat and this was so degrading for Serenity and she would pray that she could just die."

Told you it was brutal.
Tip 5: Wife-batterers will laugh during rapes.

"She was now eight months along and Malik ordered the slave girl to stay in the room in case Serenity might need someone and one night about two weeks later she indeed need someone, she started going into labor. The slave girl ran and got her mother who ordered the guard to get Master Malik and tell him that Serenity was in full labor and if he wanted to see his child born to get to her room now!”

As Serenity was told to hold her legs apart and to grab hold of her knees and when the pains got really intense she was to draw her knees to her chest and push with all her might. Malik walked into the room as Serenity was screaming because the pain was so intense and she wanted to die.

It lasted for about two hours and then the old woman said “I see the head, now push a little harder and stop, as the woman got the cord off the baby’s neck and wiped its little head and cleared its shoulders she said to Serenity “Now push and push hard, your baby is almost here.”

Then Serenity screamed and pushed so hard she thought she was going to split in to and then she heard the sound of her baby’s cries and tears filled her eyes."

Ah, the miracle of life.

"Malik watched the old woman cut and tie the cord then she wrapped the baby in a blanket and then she handed him his son and as Malik looked down into the baby’s eyes he said “Welcome home Marik, I’ve waited a long time for this day.”

Malik then looked Serenity right in the eyes and he said “She is never to touch my son is that understood? Clean her up and then wash the linen and leave me and my son alone.”"

For those who don't know about YGO: There's only one character named Marik. Malik is just an alternate spelling (since "l"s and "r"s can be interchangeable when dealing with foreign names in Japanese language).

"When she was able to get out of bed without a lot of pain Serenity would walk over to the window and look out and dream what it would be like to just step out onto the ledge and step off? Would there be lots of pain or would she die instantly when she hit the ground? She never really got the nerve to do it. She then went back to bed and stayed there for three days.

Malik came into her room and ordered her out of that bed and to get dressed, I have someone I want to introduce you to. Serenity got up and she changed into a dress, combed her hair and then Malik walked to the door and said “Come and meet your mommy.”

Serenity stared at Malik and wondered if she had heard him right, when in walked a young boy of three and he was the exact double for his father. She blinked and then she fainted. Malik and Marik both burst out laughing and then Marik asked “How long are you going to keep her?”

Malik then said “I thought that maybe I could use her to make some good money with” and this made them laugh all the harder."

Tip 6: Wife-batterers have a special gene that allows them to age a year a day. When wife-batterers have children, the wife-batterer's DNA overrides the wife's DNA and the children are exact clones of the wife-batterer.

"When she came to Serenity looked around the room and she saw the slave girl on the floor near the window and she got off the floor and gently walked over and she touched the young girls arm and when she came to, Serenity said “Why are you here?”

The slave girl took out a tablet that Serenity had given her and she wrote on the paper what Malik and that thing had been talking about and Serenity knew that she had to get the hell out of her and now, so she went over to the window and when the young girl tried to stop her she softly said “I can’t live like this anymore, please let me go.” Then she stepped up on the ledge and she just stepped off and fell to her death.

When her body was discovered by a gardener Malik only said “Toss it out with the rest of the trash.” And he and Marik laughed till they had tears running down their faces.

At last Serenity is free from that monsters hold and she can now laugh and run with the other angels in heaven, where she awaits for her family to join her someday..."

Tip 7: The only way to escape a wife-batterer is to kill yourself. Don't expect the wife-batterer to care, though, since he thinks suicide is hilarious.
Oh, and suicide isn't a sin in Fangirl Christianity.

The Verdict

Horrible and brutal. It tries to be uplifting in the end, but it still leaves a bad taste in your mouth (or brain). 0/5

The Queen of Tejano Music

2008-04-25T21:05:00.002-04:00

The Queen of Tejano Music by Nightcrawlerlover
Fandoms: Yu-Gi-Oh, Selena
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4021283/1/The_Queen_of_Tejano_Music

Have you ever wondered what some awesome crossovers would be? How about Yugioh x Selena? Well, then, your dreams have come true!

Our story follows Yami Yugi as he attends Selena's funeral...

"I, Yami, stood in the crowd as they lined in front of the closed casket. I couldn’t believe what had happened. Just two days ago Selena Quintanilla-Perez had gone to the Days Inn motel in Corpus Christi, Texas, to discuss missing financial papers with Yolanda Saldivar, a former employee and founder of the Selena fan club in Texas. Now, she was dead, killed by a bullet from Yolanda’s gun. So heartbroken was I that I expressed a desire to attend her funeral. Selena’s family, who knew me well, gave their consent, as did Chris, Selena’s husband.

As I moved with them up to the casket, I felt a sense of foreboding. I remembered it well…

“I can’t put the gun down!” sobbed Yolanda.

“Why? Tell me why, Yolanda.”

“Because I’m ashamed of what I’ve done,” wept Yolanda.

A few moments passed. Then Yolanda said,

“Look at what I’ve done to my best friend!”

I was pulled out of my musings by Abraham Quintanilla, Jr.’s voice saying,

“Yami?”"

Oh, this is also a songfic.

Anyway, Yami is also rather creepy:

"I brought my hands out from behind my back. In them was a red rose, long-stemmed.

“For you, Selena,” I whispered. I lay the rose so it was almost up to her throat. Then I put my hands together in a praying gesture, bowed my head, then bent and kissed her dead lips. Then I moved over to where I was to sit with Selena’s family."

And he does this in front of her husband, too.
Yugi then comforts a small child:

"I would never forget Selena. Her voice…the way she reminded me of Christine Daae from “The Phantom of the Opera” when singing…the way she put things into words very phenomenally…her smile…the way she looked good no matter what she wore, and encouraged me that I looked handsome as well no matter what I wore…

Again my reflections of Selena were interrupted by a tugging on my sleeve. I looked down; a child of ten was looking at me with his beautiful brown eyes. He wore a white shirt and blue shorts. His black hair was swept back.

I noticed there were tears in his eyes.

“I miss…her,” he said, pointing to the coffin. I nodded, then put my arm around him as he turned back to me.

I leaned down and whispered,
“I do too.”

Then the child climbed onto my lap and hugged me. I hugged him back.

In our own way, we mourned the loss of the Queen of Tejano music. I would have my memories of her forever."

But wait, it gets better:

"When I attended the trial of Yolanda Saldivar, I looked at her face. She was weeping inside, but I felt anger towards her. If this had happened back when I was Pharaoh, I would've sentenced her to the dungeon for committing a horrible, treacherous act. She was found guilty and sentenced to life in prison. As for me, I now visit Selena's family often. Chris offered to teach me how to play the guitar, and I accepted. Soon I caught on, and I played like I had been doing it for years. One night I went to the Days Inn motel, taking my guitar in my black guitar case, and slipped inside the room where Selena had met her fate. A guard with black hair and green eyes spotted me; he said I should go in.
"I listen to her music; something inside told me to let you in," he explained to me. I smiled, a smile that hadn't been there for days, then walked over to the bed, sat down, and opened my guitar case.

I pulled out my black guitar, then rested it on my lap. I strategically placed my hands where they would go, then with a guitar pick in hand, began to play.

As the guard outside listened, I heard him weeping. I knew how he felt. I continued to play into the night, knowing that Selena could hear me.

Oh Selena, I will always miss you, as will your fans."

And so, guitar-playing Yami travels back to Japan, playing his guitar and card games in Selena's memory.

The Verdict

While it's a crossover you wouldn't expect, it's just too damn sappy and cheesy. Ick, maple-flavored cheese. 1/5

Emo Kakeru

2008-04-25T20:31:00.001-04:00

Emo Kakeru by ArisaAriyoshi
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4194006/1/Emo_Kakeru

Okay, actually, this story has absolutely nothing to do with YGO. I have no idea why it's on a fanfic site.
Anyway, this is the story of a boy. A boy named Kakeru. Let's have Kakeru introduce himself:

"My Name is Kakeru and I have servere Autism, I attend Katagawa Middle school , and love my school more than home at the moment.

Why because I am around my siblings who remind me of who I would have been haven’t I been born with this curse.

I cannot do anything normal teenagers do, Kawai-kun is the most popular kid at school, she is good at maths, English, and has many friends, I wish I was just like her, I bet Onee-chan wants her to be her sibling rather than me.

I am good at drawing, it’s the only thing I can do.

But kids don’t see the artist, it’s just Niina-chan’s mentally handicapped brother that they see, not who I really am.

They think I wish that I was a Fairy Prince but I want to be more thn that, I want to cease to exsist, so that Onee-chan could stop being humiliated."

That's right, folks. This kid is supposed to be autistic. I think he has more of a case of the asperger's than actual autism. Oh, and the fangirl Japanese is rampant here.

"Some of the kids are coming up to my face, “What’s this? A cartoon?” bitched Surato., she picked up the picture and ripped it into shreads “YOU WON’T BE A MANGA-KA, YOUR AUTISM CAN’T HANDLE WORK!!”

“STOP!!” I scream my heart out “IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT AS SMART AS YOU, THAN FUCK OFF!!”

I run into the PE room,. I grab a tanto knife and prepare to place it onto my jugular vein and………."

Hold on, I need to dial 911...so I can call the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaambulance!

"“Please stop Kakaeru-chan……..” said Kawai-kun “You don’t even know how lucky you are to be who you are Kakeru,…..”

“Tell that to any older siblings you have, Kawai….” I shout.

“You’re lucky” said Kawai, her voice breaking a little “My Older Brother died in a vicious car accident two years ago, his body was made completely useless, how would you feell if your sister was like that, huh!?”

“YHou’re brother died………..? He must be very happy…………..to be in a happy place…….” I smile.

Kawai is sobbing “No he’s not…………He’s all alone, somewhere above us, he, his girlfriend and his friend were ripped away from this world against their will…………it was heartbreaking for me to see him die in a room full of machines on his own like that………your sister would feel the same if you took your own life like that, think about how she’d feel…………..”"

.....................ellipses..................

"A big hole in my heart cause tears to fall from my eyes, a vison of my sister screaming at my white sheet covered corpse appears in my face, it becomes harder to breath and I fall to the ground sobbing.

Then I get another vision, Onee-chan being hit by a car and hitting the ground, her blood surrounding her, then her being defibrillated, while air is being pumped into her by a bag, and then the final blow came, her body in the ICU connected to machines, which are practically being her.

Then the Hear Monitor stopped, I start to sob even harder and the words “onee-chan…….one--chan….” exit ,my lips many times. I was a fool to even think about killing myself, Onee-chan would be heartbroken if I died.

Shizuka Kawai’s brother’s body was completely disabled, in the summer of ‘87 as was his mind, there was no way to save him.

I wonder if now, in the winter of 89, if anything would be done to save Onee-chan or me have any of us been hit by a car.

“Can we be friends………Kwai-san?” I ask “I want to live, I want to try and learn things that normal people can do.”

THE END"

And so ends the tale of Kakeru, a whiny little bitch.

The Verdict

Kakeru gains no sympathy from me. 0/5

More Than a Memory

2008-04-23T22:47:00.001-04:00

More Than a Memory by AlleyKatSeesAll
Fandom: Rugrats
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3939129/1/More_Than_A_Memory

Why the fuck someone would write fanfics about Rugrats is something I'll never know.

Anyway, you know you're in for something when the author's note at the beginning is like this:

"This is just a nice Tommy angst story. I started writing this as a one-shot but thought that it would be good as a full story with songs as the names of the chapters. This is also in remembrance of the 9/11 attacks (even though it's way in December.) Anyway, the first chapter is called More Than A Memory by Garth Brooks. Happy reading:)"

9/11? Garth Brooks? Angst? OH BOY THIS SOUNDS LIKE FUN!

Tommy watched on the screen as the two planes hit the Twin Towers. His girlfriend Lil was on one of those planes. He gulped and felt tears run down his cheek. "Lil.", he said to himself. The news reporter came on. "Oh my god, a second plane has just hit the towers. Apparently, that plane was heading back to California.", the reporter said.

"Tommy stood up and ran out of the Java House with Chuckie in hot pursuit.

"Tommy!", Chuckie said chasing after his best friend.

"Why? Why today? Why now?", Tommy asked as Chuckie caught up to him.

"Maybe she wasn't on the plane.", Chuckie said.

"Yeah right Chuckie. That was her flight.", Tommy said"

Pfft. She's dead, you dumbass. *rolls eyes*

"Tommy went out the door to the bus. "Wait. Don't you want some breakfast?", Didi asked.

Tommy shook his head. "What's the point?", he asked.

Didi sighed and watched as her older son walk out the door."

God, mom, don't you know breakfast is meaningless!? We're all just gonna die anyway!

"Tommy looked around him. He didn't think he could deal with the pain of losing her. How many times must he wake up all the lonely nights without her by his side. He sighed and looked at the clock. Twelve midnight. The usual time that he wakes up screaming Lil's name. He wished she was there with him."

Oh, hold on. I need to set my Wake-Up-Screaming alarm.

"Lil picked up her cell phone and dialed Tommy's number. "Hi. You have reached the Pickles' residence. Leave your name and number and I will get back to you. Thanks bye.", Tommy's answering machine answered. She sighed. "Hey Tommy, it's me Lil. I'm coming home soon. Luckily, my dad and my mom was late getting to the flight. Well, you know my cell phone number. Call me back. Bye.", she said as she smiled.

She hung up the phone and looked at her mom and dad. "I'm ready to go.", Lil said as she smiled and dragged her luggage to the cargo hold and sighed. She was finally going home to the man of her dreams. And her friends. Life was now perfect. But, what she didn't know was that he was waiting at the station."

Wait, wait, wait. What timeframe does this take place in? Does this whole story take place over the course of two days? So, Tommy burns all his pictures of Lil and wakes up screaming immediately after he hears about 9/11? And he doesn't call her to see if she's still alive? He just assumes? Tommy, you stupid fucking dumbass.

The second chapter is a boring follow-up songfic (a Billy Ray Cyrus song, too. ugh). Tommy and Lil get married. Howard angsts over losing his daughter. Lil tells Tommy she's pregnant. Yawn.

The Verdict

This whole thing is mediocre and lame. LAME, I SAY. 1/5

The Poetry of Writer's Mind

2008-04-22T19:47:00.001-04:00

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1401705/Writers_Mind

Meet Samantha, aka Writer's Mind. WM likes to think of herself as a budding young author. However, she seems to miss the point of "fanfiction".

This is her poem "I Wish I Hadn't", posted in the Afterschool Nightmare section.

"I wish I hadn't

I wish i hadnt of liked you.

I wish i hadnt of tried.

I wish I hadnt of thought you could be mine.

I wish I hadnt lied.

I wish I hadnt of given up so easy.

I wish I hadnt of cried.

I wish I hadnt of found you.

All it lead to was missory.

I felt loved no where and pain every where.

All I really wanted was your love.

But now youve lost your chance.

Ive moved on.

There was way to much pain.

I wish I hadnt of stayed stuck on you.

But now because of you I enjoy my pain.

Pain is no longer a foe, but a friend

Thank you.

I just feel bad about your luck."

This one was posted under Alvin and the Chipmunks:

"8 minutes

8 minutes to live

8 minutes to die

8 minutes to have fun

8 minutes of life left

8 minutes of greatness

8 minutes to rise

8 minutes to cry

6 minutes to stay

6 minutes to explain

6 minutes of love

6 minutes of hate

6 minutes of loathe

6 minutes of freedom

4 minutes of learning

4 minutes of talking

4 minutes of writing

4 minuets of shade

4 minutes of the moon

4 minutes of sun

2 minutes to strike

2 minuets of darkness

1 minute of light

Gone"

This one was also in the Alvin and the Chipmunks category:

"He must hate me. Everything about me.

He must hate me. Everything about me. The way I walk. The way I style myself.

The way and color Ipaint my nails. The color of my eyes. Everything. I tried so hard to fight the truth. He must hate me. Everything about me.

My friends try to make it better, but only make my life worse. They say thing like "Just move on. He'll figure out what he's done." Or "He likes you, Samantha. He's told me so. He's just way too childish to say it." I hate how much i love him.I cant let go. He must hate me. Everything about me.

Last year in Fifth grade must have been all a giant tangled lie. To keep me caught in his web. But we were the best of friends. He sat next to me every where and didnt even have to.I changed for him. I changed every thing. I even tries dying my hair. He must hhate me.Everything about me."

This is what our disoriented author has to say about her work:

"im telling you my life is a mess and i only write poems aboput my life and friends okay so i dont write about games or tv showssorry"

Oh, okay. Go ahead and post your non-fanfic poems on a fanfic site then.
Here's what the critics have to say!

"I was about to leave a review saying that you must have accidentally put this in the wrong category, but I took a look at your profile and realized you did it on purpose. I'm just not sure why. Fictionpress is a great place to publish original stories and poems, so why are you posting here?"-Eternalmoonprincess on "Come Crashing Down"

"i'm curious. y r u posting random stuff on wen there's something called fictionpress (i think u should kno pretty well by now since lots of critics have been telling u bout it) i didn't want to review, but ur 'thinking' just really sparked my interest. wat is it that u want? r u sane? r u emo? i kno that its none of my business and i prob sound mean but...dude. move on man. straighten out ur mind and life."-Dark Angelic Kitty on "He Must Hate Everything About Me"

"Alright, I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but this is really start to tick me off. You're always like "my life sucks. it's so dark and horrible" when people who are searching in a category don't care to read about how suckish your life is. We have our problems too, sweetie. This has nothing to do with Alvin and The Chipmunks (though you've already admitted to that) and I don't know why you feel the need to share how much your life sucks when people want to read about Alvin in the Chipmunks. From this poem, I can assume that right now you're in sixth grade, correct? Well it's showing through the immaturity I'm seeing with all of your poems. They're pretty good, but this is not the place to post them. I'm sorry if I sound mean, but this is the truth. I would gladly read your poems and enjoy them if they were put on the proper website."-Larsie on "He Must Hate Everything About Me"

"It always ** me off to see someone posting in a category of a good series saying 'this isn't about _'.

That's not cool at all. If you want anything other than negative attention for your little poem, then go someplace that accepts original works.

And while your at it, stop disrespecting the most touching series of all time and ** watch it. Noob."-Rinnian on "Change is Great"

There you have it! Quality poetry from a quality emo middle-schooler!

The Verdict

Like I said: Quality. Everything gets a 0/5, but an A+ for effort!

Ahole

2008-04-21T20:55:00.002-04:00

Ahole by Serenityang2
Fandom: Sailor Moon
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4210166/1/Ahole [2010 update: Link is now dead]

We all know Sailor Moon, right? Okay, good.
Actually, this fanfic is short, sweet, and to the point. In fact, I'm posting the whole thing here for your convenience.

"INTO-DUCTION

Serena Tskino16 years old--has 1 sister lisa Tskino, and has a brother Sammy Tskino and An older brother 25 year old Brad Tskino and might be

pregnant with Andrew Crowns baby.

--Chapter 1--

Serena's House

Serena I can't belive u got yourself pregnant your only 16 get out and don't come back. And with that said she ran to Brads House

(Serena's point of view)

I ran as fast as I could and I knocked on b's door he opened..B dad (sob) just (sob) kicked me (sob) out (sob).And I didn't know were else to go

Pleaz help me B..

(Brads point of view)

I ran as fast as I could I got there and knocked on the door..It opened to reveal Sammy and Lisa crying...Dad I said why did you kick your daughter out..

He said she got herself pregnant...Woah no she did not she got raped you incosiderite ASS HOLE...He said no she wasn't that it was said just so Andrew

could get blamed.. How wrong was he...

Andrew looked at Serena in her face and called her a slut for saying he raped her in front of me...I didn't go with it instead I punched the living

daylights out of him for lying and calling my sister a slut."

The Verdict
This is obvious, folks. 0/5

Dying to be Thin: Part 2

2008-04-21T19:15:00.002-04:00

Dying to be Thin by Yoko-cw
Fandom: Yuu Yuu Hakusho
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3950114/1/Dying_To_Be_Thin

Aaaaand, we're back!
So, we left off with Kurama slitting his wrists and being an emo loser. However, Hiei comes in and ruins Kurama's fun.

""Fox?"

I could have sworn my heart stopped as I heard his voice directly outside of my room. I hid the blade within the closest drawer and drew my sleeve down, and forced myself to calmly tell Hiei that he could come in. And he didn't hesitate before doing so. He leaned casually against the doorframe, one hand moving up to rub his tired eyes. "Fox, it's almost one am, why are you up?" He didn't sound accusing or angry; just generally curious. I smiled, hoping it was convincing, praying he wouldn't notice anything unusual."I was feeling restless, my love," and it wasn't a complete lie,"I needed something to do so I was going to clean up the bathroom."

'Please believe it Hiei...' He looked suspicious, red-brown eyes narrowing as he looked me up and down.

"It smells like blood.""

UH OH!!!

"That very sentence almost made my heart stop. Damn it, was I that stupid! How could I not remember that he could pick up on scent so easily? I tugged at my sleeve, "Just a small nick. Nothing serious." It seemed like he stared at me for an eternity after that lie tumbled from my lips. Finally, he let outa sigh and take my hand in his, "Just come to bed." He sounded tired. Not the 'I need sleep tired' but like he didn't want to deal with me anymore. It hurt; was I that much of a burden to him? Was I so much trouble that I was just making everyone around me suffer? I lay down slowly, pulling the covers up to my lips and turning away from him, trying to hide within the soft down of the quilts and the cold sheets. It was cold. I waited a few moments for Hiei to do something; to say goodnight; to say that he was sorry for hurting my feelings; to wrap his arm around my and kiss my neck like he used to.

But he didn't; he just lay there and slowly fell back into a calm state of sleep...

And I lay in the darkness and tried not to cry..."

I hate to sound cliche, but...someone call the WAAAAAAAAAAmbulance!
So, the next morning, Hiei is a jerk to Kurama, so, our hero decides to go scratch himself raw and vomit in the bathroom.

"I stood before the mirror, encompassing the entire wall, the steam distorting my body into a silhouette. I don't remember wiping it clean, but I could clearly see myself in it a moment later; it made me sick...but I couldn't look away. My nails dug into my stomach, all flesh and horrid fat. Dragging them sideways. Again. Again. Again.

Deep red marks bled, twins of what lay upon my arms. Kuronue's face, Hiei's eyes, my mother's voice... how many people would I hurt in these few lifetimes? How much time would I have to repent?

I pushed up the lid of the toilet, staring into the water inside and feeling my stomach clench. Feeling disgusting, pained, numb, I slipped my fingers past my lips and into the tight cavern of my throat. Painfully, a heave wrenched my body as I emptied my stomach, reveling in the pain it brought. I don't know how long I was there, thinking only of my self loathing and wanting to be empty. To be light.

...I wanted to be perfect..."

Chapter six is Kurama's mother's (Chiori) point of view.

"...Such a secretive child I had raised. He would tell me in his own time; he would come to me calmly and seek my advice as he always has and how I hope he always will. 4 down...F-U-N-E-R-A-L."

Ho ho! Foreshadowing!!
Chapter seven has more of Chiori's point of view. As she talks to Hiei, the author shows more of her horrible habit of comparing the characters' eyes to gemstones (Kurama's eyes were referred to as "emerald" no less than three times already). Meanwhile, our pasty protagonist is undergoing an excessive exercise routine.

"Ten nine eight seven six five four three two one...

One two three four five six seven eight nine ten.

Over and over again, I repeated those numbers in my head, counting the seconds back and forth as I stretched my legs, my arms, my back. I didn't want to look at my stomach, but somehow I was drawn to it. Disgusting; almost like how you don't want to look at that disfigured individual walking on the street, but it's magnetic. I stared at the fat and flesh I needed to lose. I imagined seeing the bone which lay beneath.

Kuronue's eyes flashed briefly behind my eyes; I replaced it with numbers before the tears could drown the emerald of my eyes; before the guilt would overwhelm me.

I thought of numbers, food, weight."

Four.

We then get a whole bunch of numbers detailing Kurama's weight, calories consumed, how many pushups he's done, etc. Yawn.

You know, this fanfic would probably be a little better if, you know, it wasn't a fanfic.
Anyway, chapter eight lets us see how cultured our author is!

"A pregnent moment of silence passed between us, him staring at me with wet eyes and I kept my eyes on a book I needed to finish. I thought of poetry; of Edgar Allen Poe, Yehuda Amichai, Anna Akhmatova, Guillaume Appollinaire...

'God has pity on kindergarten children,
He pities school children -- less.
But adults, he pities not all.

He abandones them,
And sometimes they have to crawl on all fours
In the scorchin sand
To reach the dressing station.
Streaming with blood.

But perhaps,
He will have pity on those who love truly
And take care of them
And shade them
Like a tree over the sleeper on the public bench.

Perhaps even we will spend on them
Our last pennies of kindness
Inhereted from mother,

So that our own happiness will protect us
Now and on other days...'"

See? Look how sophisticated and knowledgeable she is! She can quote Japanese poets! Isn't that unique and special!?

Anyway, Kurama and his mother have a nice conversation and Kurama's eyes are referred to as emeralds for the fifth time.

The last three chapters are really nothing special. Although, we get one more burst of emo in chapter eleven:

"My feet were bloody, my body sore and lungs burning. I wasn't crying even though I felt barely a moment from doing so.

Kuronue.

Yomi.

Hiei.

Shiori.

People I had lost. People I was losing right at this moment. Screaming, crying; embracing me, telling me they loved me. My mother said that so many times; there was too much she didn't know. Guilt, burdens, horrible memories, crippling emotions. There was an eternal weight, tied to my heart with barbed wire. It never faded, never vanished...

Kuronue...

I collapsed on a park bench, gasping for air, my hands resting on my quacking knees. I felt nauseous. I felt my arms burn.

I screamed.

My nails dug into the flesh. Crimson dripped down, a child's finger paint. I hated myself, my body, my soul... Deeper I dug my nails in, the tips sharpening into claws almost on their own. ...My hair began to bleed white and my teeth felt like they would shatter from the clenching of my jaw.

"Make it stop!" I sobbed up at the inked sky, "Please gods, make it stop. ...I can't do it anymore."

Panting, bleeding, crying.

"...Please, just let me die...""

The Verdict

Like I said before, this story would have made a better original story, emo and all. It doesn't seem right to have Kurama be a whiny, bulimic pussy. You could easily just replace the YYH characters with original characters and it wouldn't make a difference.

That said, the final score: 2/5