Monday, June 23, 2008

Didn't You Promise Me You Would

Didn't You Promise Me You Would by zany-chan
Fandom: Invader Zim
[2010 Update: Yeah, I forgot to post the link to this, but it's dead, anyway.]

Yeah, I admit, I like IZ. But, I think GIR is annoying and I especially hate the fandom.

...So what if I shop at Hot Topic sometimes!? Shut up!

*ahem*

DYPMYW is a songfic set to the song Teen Angel. Oh, and it's an angst-fest.
So, Zim and Dib, being gay lovers and all, decide to kill themselves since they wouldn't be accepted by human and Irken societies. How romantic!!

I was with you. We had a plan to die together on top of this car on our railroad track we used to flatten pennies on. My human society and your irken society did not take us in. We were both defects on our two very different planets. I believed in you. We were gonna die together and be together forever. I was one for science and the paranormal but I didnt believe in a heaven or anything like it. Your whole culture besides a handful believed that you were just a dead corpse rotting in the ground after you died. I believed the same thing but you said there was another worldly type place. It was hard to figure out. I could never read you.

BUT! Dib starts to realize maybe he doesn't want to die! And Zim decides to kill himself anyway.

Then you turned to me, smiled and said that I had lied to you. I just looked at you confused . I had no idea on what you meant by that. You backed away from me and hesitated for a second at the most before running away with those painful tears threatening to fall from your eyes. Right back to my car I had gotten for my 16th birthday from Dad. It was nice to be rich.

So, Zim gets hit by a train. And we get some lovely purple prose.

Your soft green hand actually landed next to me when the train hit your small frame. I'm not sure how that happened but it did and I leaned down to pick it up. Something stopped me from doing it though and Gaz came to me as I looked at the sky. My own tears had fallen and I wanted so much to hold you and stare into your ruby eyes again.

Something didn't click still until I remembered what you had said a few days ago. We were talking about a homework assignment and out of no where you said, "If I were to ask if you would die with me and you said yes, would you actually go through with it?" I had thought it was a silly question and promised you that I would. Now I know that I really am a liar. I felt horrible and sick to my stomach. I fell to my knees, no longer looking at the dark night sky and vomited on the tracks. The train had been gone for about five minutes by then.

Gaz and a few other people helped gather the peices of you that were still recognizable. Unfortunately that ended up only being your left hand, a contact, and your leg. I only wanted your hand though. It held something dear to me in it. The ring I had given you on our one year anniversary that had just come up was grasped tight in your fingers. I didnt care about the gold blood that got all over my black band shirt. I was too depressed to think of what my clothes looked like at that moment. I felt like crap and most likely so did everyone else who dared to spend time with me over the next few days.

Then the fanfic descends into something even more terrible.

Dad had found a way to put you together again. At first I was skeptical because I hadn't thought your alien cells wouldn't come together right with Dad's device. He promised me it would work on you even if you were an alien. They weren't going to disect you. I laughed when Gaz and Dad told me that. Only it wasnt a normal laugh. It was hysterical. Just like I was the few weeks before your funeral. I had gone on a rampage destroying almost everything near my house and in yours. Gir had decided I was its new master but I fixed him a while ago so he really did act like a SIR unit. It didn't matter anymore. I had to get away and almost killed myself twice trying to. Those stupid gnomes always shot at me everytime I went by. Those things killed Mrs. Bitters. Not that I'm complaining but it was still sad. She was cremated after everyone failed to find any evidence I did it.

Your body finally came back together about a week later. It had taken time for your cells to respond to the machine and I was there when the peices (oh so many were small) came back together Your golden blood sprayed around for a while as pieces came back but I was the only one not wearing a suit. Your blood had touched me before just like mine had touched you. You had always been one for sadism only your claws had always got burned in the process. I had found a way to make water not hurt you. It involved digging into your pak and after I was done it could be taken off and make you human. Now your dead though so I watch them tear the pak off and they hand it to me saying something about how it can be a way to remember you.

Into a terrible, rambling mess.

They put you in a coffin right after I left to take the pak home. Gaz met me there. She's been such a great sister this whole time. She's actually starting to be a normal girl everywhere not just at high skool where its expected of her. She doesnt play video games around anyone anymore, but she always has her Ipod near. I suspect that she plays her video games while listening to it. Games had been her way of ignoring the world thinking it was ruining her. Now music was the expressive way. She doesnt wear her dress and leggings anymore with that skull. Nope. She doesn't. She's more into the emo style now. I thinks she cuts but it can't be too bad because its not on her wrists. I think its her ankles or upper arm. Those areas were never shown and still aren't. I suspect I'm right but I'll probably never know now that your gone. You two were so close. At the funeral today I cried and so did she. That was the first time I had ever seen her cry. It made me sob even harder and I actually ran to your coffin and held your body before they could close the casket to move and bury. Gaz walked closer and held the one hand I hadn't covered. My body was shaking violently and the tears were running down my face at an alarming pace. I think I scared your Tallest. They had come to take your body away but decided against it when I began crying to them about it. I had cried so much this past month or two. I can't remember how long it was. Finally Gaz pulled me off and they took you away to your burial spot. I wasn't allowed to go so I stayed with your Tallest and we had a long bitter conversation about how they planned to take over the planet.

And then, we get this:

I said I didn't care and that I wouldn't stop them if they tried. Most of the converesation was questions and answers and finally after an hour of talking I blurted out that you were pregnant and that they could share everything with humans if they wanted to.

Then, Dib becomes obsessed with visiting Zim's grave.

I finally left your grave and got in the car with Gaz. She took me twice everyday. once after lunch and once after supper. I didn't want to drive and she said that it was okay. The high skool had gotten used to it and had switched my class to a study hall after lunch instead of P.E. and Gaz had that same study hall already so it was easy for her to leave. After a while I started going at night only after supper and my schedule was back to how it originally was at skool. I quit going every night after a month and began only visiting your grave twice a week which mellowed down to once a month. I had been visiting your grave for almost 18 months until Gaz refused to drive me anymore. I had turned 18 in that time and Gaz was moving out with her new boyfriend. She'd changed her style to punk a few months before meeting him and they hit it off almost immediatley.

Finally, Dib meets another Irken and they become gay lovers, too! Awwww...

I finally agreed to drive myself. I had gone so many times that week but finally went back to my normal schedule of once a month and met a guy at the store I worked at. I was putting away some perverted movie rented by my own dad and had looked to the left. I thought it was you at first but then realized it was another Irken. I hadn't seen too many irkens and had never figured out how to tell them apart. You had always said it was hard to tell humans apart but your technology was further advanced so your pak could program what my voice sounded like so you could tell me apart from everyone else. That guy I met became someone I worked with. His disguise was just as crappy as your and I asked him out after closing up one night. He said that you had been one of your best friends and that yes he would because you had told him it was your duty to take over for him.

I guess you really did love me because this Irken you sent as a substitute for you helped me out and we stayed together. We went twice a month to visit your grave. Both of us had been former lovers to you although the most you and the other Irken had done was hug and kiss and go out. I smiled a genuinely sad smile the first time I went to your grave with him and could have sworn I heard you say you loved us both. I silently whispered to the wind, "And we love you too." The Irken next to me smiled and must have heard both me and you. He said something in your language and your reply was also in that language.

I found out there was really was an afterlife after all. Only it wasn't how anyone dreamed it to be. It was greater then that but I wouldn't know for sure until I died.

The Verdict:
If I may take a page from Blogger Beware: What.
0/5

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Horrible Fan Art: OBECTION!

I love Ace Attorney. It's one of my favorite series, especially since very few characters really annoy me (Dhalia and Iris). But, the fandom is full of creepy people, like Sailor Moon.
Anyway, one of the most popular parts of the series is, of course, OBJECTION!
This has led to some pretty bad fanart from not only fangirls, but fetishists, too. ugh.
Note that I got all of this just by searching "objection" in DeviantArt.

http://gnight.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-60628555

And already we're hit by the fat furries.

http://thewhiterose000.deviantart.com/art/Objection-59886117
OMG A KITTY IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S OBJECTING ISN'T THAT SO WACKY!?

http://zaffe.deviantart.com/art/Objection-50873889

OMG NINJA LAWYER ON A SKATEBOARD HOW RANDOM!!!

http://poorlyexecuted.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-88366476

No, it's not Morgan Webb, guys. Sorry.

http://vegafanatic.deviantart.com/art/Objection-The-Musical-54407988

OMG A MOVIE POSTER AND IT'S A MUSICAL ABOUT LAWYERS AND...oh wait, I made this. *ahem*

http://missmysty.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-78581643
Apollo has a weird-shaped head. [2010 update: the artist has since deleted not just the picture, but also her whole profile. You can read more of that story in the "My First Flame" entry!]

http://foxfire5.deviantart.com/art/Objection-41976832
We don't need a fat Mia Fey. Her boobs are big enough already. [Update: Artwork has since been deleted]
on a related note:

http://slifer-x000.deviantart.com/art/Inflated-Mia-Fey-58617971
I hate inflation fetishists.

http://finalfantasykitsune.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-26657398

What the hell is it with furries and Phoenix Wright? I swear, there's a ton of furry art like this.

http://virado.deviantart.com/art/OBJECTION-78367922
It's also popular to take screenshots of anime and TV shows where a person is pointing dramatically and put OBJECTION! on them. Yes, I know Haruhi parodied AA at one point, but it's still fucking lame.

And so, art like this (except for my genius movie poster) is the reason why I pretend the AA fandom is only less than 10,000 people and none of them are creepy.


Monday, June 2, 2008

Inflatable Movies

Sweet Bajeesus, it's been a while. Well, I'm now a High School Graduate, so I guess I have more free time. Woop woop.

Inflatable Movies by Primrose1973
Fandoms: Lady and the Tramp, Real Person Fic, The Red Balloon, The Simpsons
http://cartoon.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=22234
(for those who are too lazy for Google, Sally Rand was an actress during the 1920s and 30s)

WARNING: This entry has things having to do with crazy fetishes. If you really don't like the thought of people with creepy balloon fetishes, then feel free to skip this entry. However, if you're a masochist (or you just can't help yourself) keep reading!

As stated in my nice little disclaimer there, this is a story about balloon fetishes. No, not inflation fetishes (although that's just as creepy). These people get turned on by actual balloons.

So, our story begins with a crossover. I might as well post it in its entirety, since it's very short.

Sally Rand and The Tramp played on an illuminated stage with a large, crystal clear and round balloon, that were illuminated by the hundreds of light on the stage.

After the dog and the girl had pushed the balloon over to each other for a while, was Sally removing her clothes, and the girl began to sit and rode on the dog with the squeaking balloon between them for a while, as they moaned softly.

Then was Sally rubbing the balloon all over The Tramp's body, and it made Sally came for the first time, as her liquid splattered out on herself, the balloon and the dog.

The horny girl laid and rubbed the giant balloon against her bare genitals in some minutes until she finally released her juice again, and after the two friends had laid and relaxed, was Sally taking her clothes on again, and deflated the wet balloon.

...ick. At least it wasn't direct bestiality, right? RIGHT?!

Next, we cut to a short story involving The Red Balloon. I'm not going to copy it here, since the character in this case is a little kid. Yeah, I hate most adult fan fiction. Why AFF authors sink so low as to do stories about little kids is a mystery to me.

The last one is a Simpsons story, and again, I refuse to repost it here due to underage characters.

The Verdict
Balloon fetishists are silly and having little kids have sex in fanfics is disgusting. 0/5