Monday, April 21, 2008

Dying to be Thin: Part 2

Dying to be Thin by Yoko-cw
Fandom: Yuu Yuu Hakusho
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3950114/1/Dying_To_Be_Thin

Aaaaand, we're back!
So, we left off with Kurama slitting his wrists and being an emo loser. However, Hiei comes in and ruins Kurama's fun.

""Fox?"

I could have sworn my heart stopped as I heard his voice directly outside of my room. I hid the blade within the closest drawer and drew my sleeve down, and forced myself to calmly tell Hiei that he could come in. And he didn't hesitate before doing so. He leaned casually against the doorframe, one hand moving up to rub his tired eyes. "Fox, it's almost one am, why are you up?" He didn't sound accusing or angry; just generally curious. I smiled, hoping it was convincing, praying he wouldn't notice anything unusual."I was feeling restless, my love," and it wasn't a complete lie,"I needed something to do so I was going to clean up the bathroom."

'Please believe it Hiei...' He looked suspicious, red-brown eyes narrowing as he looked me up and down.

"It smells like blood.""

UH OH!!!

"That very sentence almost made my heart stop. Damn it, was I that stupid! How could I not remember that he could pick up on scent so easily? I tugged at my sleeve, "Just a small nick. Nothing serious." It seemed like he stared at me for an eternity after that lie tumbled from my lips. Finally, he let outa sigh and take my hand in his, "Just come to bed." He sounded tired. Not the 'I need sleep tired' but like he didn't want to deal with me anymore. It hurt; was I that much of a burden to him? Was I so much trouble that I was just making everyone around me suffer? I lay down slowly, pulling the covers up to my lips and turning away from him, trying to hide within the soft down of the quilts and the cold sheets. It was cold. I waited a few moments for Hiei to do something; to say goodnight; to say that he was sorry for hurting my feelings; to wrap his arm around my and kiss my neck like he used to.

But he didn't; he just lay there and slowly fell back into a calm state of sleep...

And I lay in the darkness and tried not to cry..."

I hate to sound cliche, but...someone call the WAAAAAAAAAAmbulance!
So, the next morning, Hiei is a jerk to Kurama, so, our hero decides to go scratch himself raw and vomit in the bathroom.

"I stood before the mirror, encompassing the entire wall, the steam distorting my body into a silhouette. I don't remember wiping it clean, but I could clearly see myself in it a moment later; it made me sick...but I couldn't look away. My nails dug into my stomach, all flesh and horrid fat. Dragging them sideways. Again. Again. Again.

Deep red marks bled, twins of what lay upon my arms. Kuronue's face, Hiei's eyes, my mother's voice... how many people would I hurt in these few lifetimes? How much time would I have to repent?

I pushed up the lid of the toilet, staring into the water inside and feeling my stomach clench. Feeling disgusting, pained, numb, I slipped my fingers past my lips and into the tight cavern of my throat. Painfully, a heave wrenched my body as I emptied my stomach, reveling in the pain it brought. I don't know how long I was there, thinking only of my self loathing and wanting to be empty. To be light.

...I wanted to be perfect..."

Chapter six is Kurama's mother's (Chiori) point of view.

"...Such a secretive child I had raised. He would tell me in his own time; he would come to me calmly and seek my advice as he always has and how I hope he always will. 4 down...F-U-N-E-R-A-L."

Ho ho! Foreshadowing!!
Chapter seven has more of Chiori's point of view. As she talks to Hiei, the author shows more of her horrible habit of comparing the characters' eyes to gemstones (Kurama's eyes were referred to as "emerald" no less than three times already). Meanwhile, our pasty protagonist is undergoing an excessive exercise routine.

"Ten nine eight seven six five four three two one...

One two three four five six seven eight nine ten.

Over and over again, I repeated those numbers in my head, counting the seconds back and forth as I stretched my legs, my arms, my back. I didn't want to look at my stomach, but somehow I was drawn to it. Disgusting; almost like how you don't want to look at that disfigured individual walking on the street, but it's magnetic. I stared at the fat and flesh I needed to lose. I imagined seeing the bone which lay beneath.

Kuronue's eyes flashed briefly behind my eyes; I replaced it with numbers before the tears could drown the emerald of my eyes; before the guilt would overwhelm me.

I thought of numbers, food, weight."

Four.

We then get a whole bunch of numbers detailing Kurama's weight, calories consumed, how many pushups he's done, etc. Yawn.

You know, this fanfic would probably be a little better if, you know, it wasn't a fanfic.
Anyway, chapter eight lets us see how cultured our author is!

"A pregnent moment of silence passed between us, him staring at me with wet eyes and I kept my eyes on a book I needed to finish. I thought of poetry; of Edgar Allen Poe, Yehuda Amichai, Anna Akhmatova, Guillaume Appollinaire...

'God has pity on kindergarten children,
He pities school children -- less.
But adults, he pities not all.

He abandones them,
And sometimes they have to crawl on all fours
In the scorchin sand
To reach the dressing station.
Streaming with blood.

But perhaps,
He will have pity on those who love truly
And take care of them
And shade them
Like a tree over the sleeper on the public bench.

Perhaps even we will spend on them
Our last pennies of kindness
Inhereted from mother,

So that our own happiness will protect us
Now and on other days...'"

See? Look how sophisticated and knowledgeable she is! She can quote Japanese poets! Isn't that unique and special!?

Anyway, Kurama and his mother have a nice conversation and Kurama's eyes are referred to as emeralds for the fifth time.

The last three chapters are really nothing special. Although, we get one more burst of emo in chapter eleven:

"My feet were bloody, my body sore and lungs burning. I wasn't crying even though I felt barely a moment from doing so.

Kuronue.

Yomi.

Hiei.

Shiori.

People I had lost. People I was losing right at this moment. Screaming, crying; embracing me, telling me they loved me. My mother said that so many times; there was too much she didn't know. Guilt, burdens, horrible memories, crippling emotions. There was an eternal weight, tied to my heart with barbed wire. It never faded, never vanished...

Kuronue...

I collapsed on a park bench, gasping for air, my hands resting on my quacking knees. I felt nauseous. I felt my arms burn.

I screamed.

My nails dug into the flesh. Crimson dripped down, a child's finger paint. I hated myself, my body, my soul... Deeper I dug my nails in, the tips sharpening into claws almost on their own. ...My hair began to bleed white and my teeth felt like they would shatter from the clenching of my jaw.

"Make it stop!" I sobbed up at the inked sky, "Please gods, make it stop. ...I can't do it anymore."

Panting, bleeding, crying.

"...Please, just let me die...""


The Verdict

Like I said before, this story would have made a better original story, emo and all. It doesn't seem right to have Kurama be a whiny, bulimic pussy. You could easily just replace the YYH characters with original characters and it wouldn't make a difference.

That said, the final score: 2/5

1 comment:

NM said...

I think the final passage is most vital to the overall emotional motif of the story. Not only is Kurama reflecting on those he had lost, but he is also, possibly inadvertently recreating the pain he had inflicted upon himself in the chapters prior by digging his ULTRA-NAILS into his knees. The suethor really has a marvelous way with words. I couldn't help but feel that I was there on the park bench with Kurama, hearing his knees "quacking."

...or it could have been the duck pond.