Monday, November 24, 2008

The Devil's Light

The Devil's Light by princess ja
Fandom: Sailor Moon

Holy shit, more vampires!?
Yes, that's right folks, a vampire Sailor Moon fanfic.

Usagi stared out over her balcony she couldnt belive what she had done....
she allowed her people's souls to be conqured and all for love ,but how she
love him so mamo-chan was her life and her senshi had to understand that
she was no longer the pure ruler they once knew but one now owned by darkness


"your highness"
"yes singo"
"the king has beconed for my lady"
usagi sighed
"where is he" she asked walking from the black doble doors that lead to her balcony
her once sunny blonde hair now slivery gray flowed behind her as her deep blue eyes
layed them selfs on singo.

Why is Shingo working as Usagi's servant? You'd think that's the last thing the kid would ever do.

"he is in the throne room my lady"singo bowed
usagi laughed a little a small smile creept to her deligate face before turning back to
nothing."tell your king i'll be there in a minute"
"yes my lady" usagi looked down to her cream gown that was trimed in sliver and gold.
what could he possible need in the throne room she thought to her self as she reached the stone
cold doors.pushing them open a smile greeted her and ushered her to sit.
"my love"mamoru began"the time has come your senshi have to choose"

Mamoru is the new host of Deal or No Deal!

usagi forced a smile as she approaced her husband and now king of the now
dark crstal tokyo.
"mamo-chan i have tried cant we just let them go"
mamoru stared towards his wife and sneered coldly
"i will not be disbeyed either they either bow to their king and queen or be excuted"

Wow, usually it's Hotaru that turns goth.

"mamo-chan_usagi gasped grabing her chest
"usako my love they will try to over throw us or wost take you away from me"
"i know but-" mamoru cut her off
"no buts my word is final"

"But why, Mamo-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!?"
"Because I'm the boss, Usako! Now go to your room without supper!"

usagi looked down and stared out the open doors how i wish things didnt have to be this way
if only they would have listened
if only things could go back im sorry my senshi. she thought her mind trailing back to the
months they spent togheter before now before their end.

Oh snap, what's gonna happen now!?

Usagi looked up to mamoru admiring his smooth features she knew he was right there was nothing she could do but hope that when they did find the senshi they would have changed their minds other wise she would have the pleasure of sucking them dry upon that thought a small smile creept to her lips it had been a while since she'd drank human blood mamoru always insisted they drank animal blood she licked her lips at the thought "mamo-chan"she spoke smoothly her voice clam and suductive

Oh, god Luna and Artemis nooooooooooooo

"what if i told you i knew where the senshi were"

mamoru slid his hands to her shoulder brushing them lightly

"i'd say lets get the bitches" he smiled his fangs drawing from his perfect mouth usagi held her gaze from his something in her stired a little what had she become she wanted so bad to take the thoughts away but she enjoyed every moment of it every moment of being powerful untochable being the queen of the damned sending crystal tokyo into a fate they never thought possible thier world was filled with darkness

Wait, now Usagi's goth too?

"usako are you ready my love"mamoru asked extending his hands to hers she nodded and took his hand as he lead her to the master chambers

"uasko how do you know where they are" usagi smiled and rasied her lips to mamoru's neck

"because i can sene them my love"she wispered sinking her fangs into his neck her eyes turning bright sacrlet red she held her place gracefully as he began to suck her king dry all in the same asobing his powers mamoru growled low in his throat as he began to shut his blood off from her who did she think she was he made her into what she is sending usagi flying to the floor mamoru held his neck as he looked down to his so called queen

Oh snap!

"what do you think your doing my love"he growled pining her to the ground he let out a low growl as he sank his teeth into her heart she screamed her pain annocing her powers her cresnt mark glowed to perfection she slowly smiled to her self as the senshi appeared before them

He must have some pretty long teeth if they can go all the way into her heart.

"cresent beam" mamoru wasnt prepared for the attack and was sent flying into the wall "what is the meaning of this"he yelled clutching his shoulder

"dont touch her you bastard"makoto grolwed charging for him but this time he was prepared side steping her he glared towards his wife

"serenity what the hell are you trying to pull" usagi only just smiled

You can kill those vampires, Sailor Senshi!

"please you guys the only way to beat him is to turn to one of us please you have to save me" she skillfully lied as she eyed the four shadows that appeared behind her senshi "princess"the senshi gasped but were cut out the four shadows had already over sadowed them and sank their fanks into ther sliky necks each girl cried out in pain as blood ran from their necks grabing kicking and grasping for air they could feel their bodies loose the life they held so dear

So, wait, first Usagi didn't want to turn the Senshi into vampires, and now she's oh-so-eager to do it? What the fuck?

"usako"mamoru said in disbelif could his lilttle usako have planed all of this summon them to her he bagan to chuckle

"for a moment there i had belived you turned agisant me my love" usagi just smiled keeping her eyes on the senshi waving her hand lightly one of the four shadows droped sailor mars usagi picked up her weaping friend staring her in her coblat eyes usagi smirked "now who is the weak one rei-chan" she laughed sinking her fangs beneathe the shadow's mark

"you are mine now all of you"she laughed staring down to her senshi

This is OOC Paradise.

The verdict
What the Christ. 0/5

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Bad Fanart Theater: Twilight

OMFG, GUYS! TWILIGHT'S OUT! I'M GONNA GO SQUEE OVER HOW HOT EDWARD IS AND WONDER WHY I CAN'T BE A SPARKLY-POO VAMPIRE!!!!! seriously, I hate those books. There's only one Twilight for me.

Anyway, at the risk of being bitched at again, it's time for Bad Fanart Theater: Twilight Edition!
In my opinion, you shouldn't put things you made in a dollmaker (like Candybar) on Deviantart.

Ugh, I know! Twilight is such great literature, my mundane mind can't comprehend it!

Weird proportions are weird.

The art's cute, but rabid shippers are disturbed people.

I love his rack.

Great. Combining two of my most hated fandoms.
It was only a matter of time. [update: pic has been deleted]

In conclusion: Fuck sparkly vampires and pedophile werewolves.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Chase [A short story]

I'm the other contributor of Bad Fan Fiction Theater. At times, I'm a hardboiled detective, at others, I'm a hot-blooded mecha pilot... but my true form is that of Richter Honey [Alias. Real identity withheld for security reasons.]! I mean, no, no! I'm Richter, a hot-blooded Asian male. Also: Look! The East is Burning Red!

Yes, yes. This is my first post here, so treat me gently, but I've got a story for you~. Unlike Eve's stuff, I'm going to start off with some stuff that is not fanfiction (On this blog!? Heresy, Rich!). No, no! I will start with actual writing from actual English students!

Why am I doing this? Because, frankly, these essays are terrible. Badly written, badly thought-out, etcetera. They are, simply, dreck. But not to worry! That's what the BFFT is all about! We'll constructively criticize your work into a hole! Or, you know, just put it up for the world to see and laugh at. The world being a very small number of people.

Of course, if anyone from the class shows up here and wants me to remove it, I will. Remember, this is all in fun. I may say harsh things, but, let us laugh along, shall we?

The assignment here is simple: Given a list of sixty vocabulary words, compose a free-writing of any length using 15-25 of them. The topics chosen ranged from Barack Obama to an excellently hardboiled, film noir-esque detective. Today, I present to you The Chase. I chose it because the author's name showed up as the last editor when I opened the group document, and I found it silly. Her name is, apparently, Maisie (mitsuki) Mummert. Which is a ridiculous middle name, should I say (I dare say, is that a false identity!?). And this is her story. Normally, I'd MST3K it, but I'm a bit tired right now. Maybe I'll do that later.

Let us begin.
The Chase
by Maisie Mummert

[Here, the author assures us with a wink that she will pen more later]

My heart pounded in the beat to my footsteps, it seemed to dance at a frightening tempo. The malevolent presence I felt behind was definitely gaining upon us. I glanced at Silver only a stride ahead of me. He was so nonchalant about running for our life. His face didn’t express any sort of panic at all. He was indeed very enigmatic. I wondered if I was naïve to believe that he was truly calm as he appeared. No. he is a mediocre actor at best, He was truly calm. We rounded a corner into a back alley and I had a peculiar sense of déjà vu, I thought I was here before, but no matter. Silver yanked my arm and suddenly, I was no longer in the alley but in the back of a burger joint. I glanced at Silver questioningly, so he pointed to the grease stained wall and quietly said, “Trapdoor.” I smiled at our temporary redemption and realized we were in the Burger King. But now it was jamais-vu I felt as the place I worked at felt so unfamiliar. Looked up at him, he was so gorgeous, his lovely blue eyes, his silver hair, his model-like features; I had fallen head over heels for him. But I was very sure my love was unrequited, as I was almost positive he had no romantic interest in me what so ever. But I really wanted him.
Then, on the wall behind me, I heard a metallic screeching. I spun around and watched the metal “bend”. A jagged line bulged out of the wall. I saw that moment with lucid clarity. I ducked as the wall seemed to rip in half, and in that moment I got a full view of our pursuer. He was indeed grotesque. I stared at him for about a millisecond before I mustered all my strength and leaped out of the way. I hit Silver as I intended and knocked him out of the way of the falling bricks as well. I looked again at the interloper. To get away from the likes of him was a daunting task if there ever was one. He had completely annihilated the back wall. This one man had done that. And this man was out to kill us. He didn’t even need a machine to accomplish it but yet, here he was, knife in hand, staring straight at us with a crazed look in his feral eyes. He advanced upon us slowly, each step made my heart jump in fear. But I refused to succumb to my fear a dash out and leave Silver here to face this man alone. I knew these could be my last moments on earth, but I refused to lament over this, I will instead put all my energy into getting out of this mess alive. I may be inept when it comes to being graceful, but I am stubborn and determined if nothing else. The threat was transient but from my perception, anything could overcome if you wanted it enough.
Silver stood slowly, and pulled me up with him as we had fallen down in our mad dash to get out of the way of the falling brick. He looked into my eyes, and for the first time I saw sadness there. He seemed to mourning inside. I want to alleviate his suffering. Then, out of nowhere, he embraced me. He kissed my hair softly, then whispered three sweet word in my ear. “I love you.” I gasped softly then returned his love quickly. I had never thought that even in this miserable pandemic, something so unexpected, but yet so wonderful had occurred. I seemed to suddenly become inundated with hope. All the illicit acts we had endured seemed obsolete compared to what was happening now. We slipped out of our embrace and faced the horrid man before us. A huge smile on my face, it must have been more than just a bit unnerving to have the people you are trying to scare smile at you. I felt so luminary and free at the moment. Even as we brought about this man’s demise, I was still feeling full of wonderful love. Anything seemed possible with the love of my life at my back.

And there you have it. Take it as you will, but remember that there is a man named Silver standing in a Burger King in this one. And it is actually fairly well-written, as far as these essays go... relatively. At least it uses periods and capitalization.

Believe you me, more and more awful essays will follow. You have been warned, Loyal Reader. This is Hell's Gate and- Oh, well, I mean, that's what you're here for, right? You all have probably read CHR, too.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Franzie's Fan Fic Pet Peeves

Since I've accumulated several over the years, here is a list of the things I hate when I read fanfics.

1) Sugar and caffeine highs are not good excuses to post bad fics!
Sometimes, we have those nights.
"Hey, Franzie, I got some Pixie Sticks and Coffee!"
"Awesome, let's have some."
30 minutes later...
The next morning...
"Woah, why did I write Goku having sex with an elk-man?"
"I dunno, let's put it on the internet."

Yeah, just because you wrote something while high on sugar doesn't automatically make it hilarious and "random". It's often obnoxious as hell. Don't do this.

2) If you want to put a mental disorder in a fanfic, do the research!
Mental disorders in fiction can create great drama. However, people can get very, very annoyed when you completely butcher a mental disorder. Schizophrenia does not make you yell "CHEESE MONEY NINJA!!!" every three seconds. People with multiple personalities don't interact with those personalities and have no memory of doing things that their other personality has done. Having depression doesn't mean you instantly streak on the black eyeliner and start cutting yourself.
If you want to portray a mental disorder, make it accurate. I can understand using them for dramatic purposes. But, I can't stress this enough, make it believable and accurate!

Again, this can't be stressed enough. Cutting in fanfics has been done to death. It's not dramatic. It's not a good way to get people to feel sorry for your character. Barely anyone likes cutting in fanfics. In fact, this was one of the biggest tips in the fanfic panel at Otakon 2008 (for those wondering, I was the one who said the lame Sailor Moon overused plot. Forgive me, I was being impulsive).

4) Keep your facts straight!
If you're not sure about a canon detail, like, say, how to spell a character's name, refer to the original work or a trusted source (like a good fansite or, hell, Wikipedia). Constantly getting details from canon wrong or constantly misspelling characters' names makes you look lazy and that you don't care about the canon work at all. If there are alternate spellings, point it out! Alternate universe fics can be good things. Well, there's one exception, which is...

5) No high school fics!
High school fics, like cutting, have been done to death. Really, how many times have we seen Cloud and Tifa as 16-year-old high schoolers with Sephiroth as the principal? While I understand it's nice to have characters your age and in your situation to identify with, it's really not a good idea to make high-school fics unless the characters are high-school age to begin with.
Good example: (as much as I would hate to see this) Gunbuster
Bad Example: Guilty Gear (99% of the characters are in their 20s or older. Why would they be in the same grade as May and Bridget?)

6) This team needs a female/male character!
So, you like The Outsiders. But, almost every character is a boy! And you really like Dally. I mean, who doesn't? He's soooooo dreeeeeaaaaamy! "Dally needs a woman!" you think to yourself.
So, what do you do?
Let's make a female greaser to join the gang! She'll be the best girlfriend ever and she'll be the best fighter and stuff!
Yeah, this is a bad idea. The characters turn out to be Mary Sues 99.9% of the time. The same goes for adding a male character to a primarily female team, like the Sailor Senshi. They have Tuxedo Mask, and it's canon that only women can be Sailor Senshi. Also, David Gonterman tried and failed.

7) I'm gonna rewrite the series to how I see fit! With more YAOI!
Look, I like yaoi.
But I don't like it when someone decides that "the series was good, it just needed more GAY SEX!"
No, it doesn't. If it's something like Yu-Gi-Oh, the focus is not on how Yami Yugi is going to seduce Seto Kaiba and they have awesome sex! The focus is on card games and friendship (yeah, yeah). Character relationships are important in a series. It's just that a lot of people forget, there is such a thing as friendship! A middle! A grey area! Not every relationship has to be outright hate, romantic, or sexual.
Also, I think it's quite insulting to the original creator to say that "Your work wasn't up to my standards. I'll rewrite it to make it better, but under my terms."

Well, that's all I have for now. Later!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Bathroom Break

Bathroom Break...Sorta...I Suck at Titles by Sadistic Arsonist
Fandom: CatDog

I never really liked CatDog in the first place, so I was pretty sure fanfics for it would be awful. This one...well, the author's description gives you an idea:
Rated PG-13 for weird content....Dog decides he has to go to the bathroom....and triggers some very weird things...NOTE: My friend and I were on sugar and caffine when we thought of this...heh heh heh...
Since the fic is short, I'll put it here in its entirety.

Authors notes: Hey! Sadistic Arsonist here. I am writing this as a result of too much sugar. I had a conversation with my friend today, and…well…this fic is the bastard child of that conversation…

“Cat.” Said dog. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

Cat turned to stare at him, which wasn’t an easy task, seeing as they are joined in the center for god’s sake. “What did you say?”

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Dog repeated, urgency in his voice.

“Uhh…how would that work??” Cat asked his counterpart.

“I…I don’t know.” He said, walking out of the house and onto the lawn, Cat following unwillingly.

Suddenly, a beautiful female cat walked by. Cat’s pupils turned to hearts as he watched her walk by.

“Wow…she’s…” He was interrupted by Dog’s strangled cry.

“C…cat…what's going on??” He cried. Or, rather choked out, for, coming out of his mouth was a giant, hard piece of flesh. It had no fur, and was tan in color.

“What's THAT?” Cat exclaimed, staring at the enlarged piece of flesh. His gaze then lifted from the thing coming out of Dog’s mouth and tried to find that beautiful cat. She had gone. Then, the enlarged thing began to shrink and went back into Dog’s mouth. He exhaled a sigh of relief.

“Well, at least THAT’S over…” He said. “But I still have to go to the bathroom!!” Suddenly (A/N: I know I use that word too much, but whaddya gonna do??), a hole opened up where Cat and Dog are joined and a warm, yellow liquid seeped from it.

Cat and Dog stared at it. “What's THAT?” Cat asked for the second time that day.

“I don’t know.” Dog replied. “But I don’t have to go to the bathroom anymore.”

They both laughed and went back into the house.


Authors notes: Wow. That was perverted. I suck. Goodnight. Review please! Even flames are wanted…..go figure…

The verdict:
At least the author agrees with me. 0/5

Monday, September 1, 2008

When You're Sleeping

When You're Sleeping by Roxann1472
Fandom: Dragonball Z

Warning: This fanfic has incestual sleep-rape. If you don't like the idea of a man screwing his daughter while she's asleep, feel free to skip this.

This is only a chapter long, but man, is it awful. Since it's short, I'll post the whole thing here:

Summary: Bulma just had a long day from work and her day is just going to get worst

A dark figure roamed the halls of capsule corps. He had been walking around the building for hours, when he suddenly stopped in front of Bulma’s open bedroom door. The room was dark letting him know that she was asleep. A menacing grin spread across his face when he found her sleeping in bed with her bra and panties on. This man had been stalking her for years, and now he finally had the chance to be alone with her cuz her mother was out of town. Dr. Briefs (Bulma’s dad) entered her room slowly. He than turned back around but only to shut and lock the door. He moved fast and quiet over to her queen sized bed. “man I’ve waited a long time for this”, he thought before ripping his shirt off and rubbing his large penis. The fabric were his erection was starting to get hard and tight, so he pulled his pants off too. Once again another grin spread across his face when he saw her stretch in her sleep and one of her large breast came out of her bra. He tugged and sucked on her hard nipple exposed nipple, getting a little pleasure out of it when he heard her moan. Dr. Briefs than slide her panties off and wasted no time spreading her legs and inserting his member inside of her. He moved at a slow pace trying not to wake her, but the doctor lot all his composure when he felt her arch her back…

In Bulma’s sleep, she started to sweat a lot and her vagina got really sticky. Dr. briefs couldn’t believe how easily he had gotten into his daughters room. He had always thought it would had been harder since she always kept a robot guarding her room. When he finally got done using her body, he tucked his dick back into his pants and left the room as fast as he came….

The next morning bulma hadn’t noticed any thing wrong. She cooked breakfast and got herself ready for work. And it would only take her a couple of weeks to know that she had been raped and that she was pregnant. Which was impossible because she had never been with a man before….

The Verdict
What. 0/5

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Fandom Writer

The Fandom Writer by Nickolaus Pacione

We all know Nicky, right?
Yeah, this is a four-year-old story, but it has to do with fanfiction and it sucks, so it's here anyway.

According to the description, this is Nicky's "most notorious story to date". Let's see what makes it so "notorious", shall we?

She was a horror writer, but one who didn’t write of characters that belonged to her, and bastardized the characters of a writer who didn’t agree with she did. Her name was Alice Thompson, and she liked to write what they called slash fiction -– the writer who she idolized was named Albert Joseph Poe.

Uh oh! Watch out, yaoi lovers, this one is for you!

Though what she did was something Albert wouldn’t approved of, and some of the people who read his work sent her electronic mail saying what she did should not be done.


The thing that she overlooked –- the very strong detail that every person who read his work would know that he was a born again Christian.

We know how anti-gay all Christians are, amirite?

This continued for a few years –– the fan fiction writer was in her late forties but the writer she idolized was in his mid 20s though had a mentality of someone who came from the old world because one of his correspondence was a horror writer that she absolutely hated with a passion, that writer wrote a style of horror that was similar to Frank Bellknap Long, R.L. Stine, and Frank Perretti.

We're going to have a lot of these run-on sentences in this story. Put on your hard hats!

She ignored every electronic mail she received from other writers who speak up for the traditional style of horror saying, “Alice what you are doing is a disgrace to the horror genre; find a different profession that suits you better.” It figured as much because she did work at a fast food eatery, she was a cashier for a McDonald’s.

HA HA! Yeah, those stupid slash fiction writers! They only work dead-end fast food jobs and they have no lives other than writing slash fiction! Oh, and slash fiction is a DISGRACE TO LITERATURE! YOU HEAR ME!? A DISGRACE!!

Though she didn’t really understood why he wrote this way she liked what he wrote but continued to bastardize what she was doing with them.

Any work you write slash fiction about? Yeah, you're bastardizing it! YOU'RE MAKING IT UNCLEAN! NOW IT SHALL HAVE A HORRIBLE REPUTATION ALL BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU YAOI FANS!!! *froths at the mouth*

Though she didn’t care what she did was an abomination in the eyes of God, and the instant messages that she got from people who read her work on various fan fiction sites were quite pissed that she would do that to a writer that she had much respect for.

No, really, there is a passage in the Bible that says slash fiction is a sin.

She was the practitioner of the blasphemy of nature, shunned every bit of what Albert believed and basically refused to set foot in a church. She wanted nothing to do with the church. She is what the Christians called the Spirit of Sodom. The writer that she was bastardizing had a learning disability and a mental illness;

This sounds familiar somehow...

but when she send him an electronic email – he gave her a piece of mind, “I read your work you did off what you did of mine. Listen to me when I say this, why do you even do that kind of work of something I never intended it to be? If you are going to do that, write it with another writer who agrees with that shit – don’t do it with my creations. It pisses me off when some little fan fiction writing hack bastardizes what I wrote, no matter what it is.. I hope what I say here lives within your nightmares. No one should have the right to do that, you are nothing more than a thief with a word processor.”

Grr...who needs fans showing their appreciation for my work!? How dare they write their own stories with my characters!? Even if it's in canon!! HOW DARE THEY!!

It was on April 13, 1998, when the events that unfolded according to one of her younger siblings but what came about of this day would start as a minor system failure into what would become the nightmare that made her swear off writing.

Oh no!

It was sometime about midnight when she decided to write another story off a title of his –– taking his beloved characters and making them into something they were never meant to be.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaayssssssssssss!! *shakes fist*

He saw the inspiration to write horror from the tracts written by Jack T. Chick, some of the imagery would remind one of those tracts.

That's weird, most people see comedy instead of horror.

He wrote more to keep his mine sane while he has to spend the rest of his life on disability –– the horrors in his mind were written so he stayed sane, but that was something a fast food worker as Ms. Thompson wouldn’t even begin to understand.

Fast food workers have NO FEELINGS! >: (

he began to dose off without a single worry until she began to dream. “Awaken, “ the voice said to her. She rose from her bed while the rest of her physical body was still asleep. She didn’t realize what was going on – until she was standing within a darkness she cannot begin to fathom. The voice said to her, “Charon awaits.” He was clad in a long gray robe and smelled of burning sulfur. He had a look to his face that lacked emotion, “I am an Angel of God who overlooks those who had been sent to Damnation, welcome to the place because you have done things with a man of God’s work that shouldn’t of been done.”

Fanfiction is a sin, everyone!

“I don’t understand. I am just a mere fast food worker who writes fan fiction. I don’t believe in Heaven or Hell. How could this even be my Judgement?” She began to become even more terrified; then she began to see if she was dreaming. She kept thinking one of those tracts that were left at her place of work but couldn’t understand why it was placed there. But she kept seeing the lake of urine and feces; one could not begin to describe the look of an absolute horror until she sees Albert Poe writing on his word processor – she becomes the subject of one of his stories. “No, this cannot be real – I am dreaming, dear God, let me be dreaming.”

It's a conspiracy! (also, Dante's hell doesn't have any lakes of urine and feces. I don't know what this guy's been reading)

They looked at her in the sense that she desecrated the writings from a man of God. This was her fate for the blasphemy she did before God – the blasphemy of the Holy Ghost.

All fanfic writers must burn in heeeeeeeeell!!

“Albert –– let me take a look at this one,” Patricia smiled, “I know.” She began laughing insanely when she started typing the next few paragraphs.
“What are you doing,” he said laughing.
“Turning the bitch into a pillar of salt. You remember the story about Lot’s wife when they fled Sodom and Gomorrah. His wife was concerned about everything they left behind, ignored the angels warning and turned into a pillar of salt,” Patricia responded. She had this wicked grin on her face, while she wrote the paragraphs, Alice looked from below in Purgatory while she was being gnawed by all the creatures in hell. No one could tell what they were writing from the glow of pixels was the hell that Alice Thomspon was suffering, the nightmare of damnation before her eyes – being shoved face first by a skeleton and a pitch fork within the lake of flames. The water she was boiling in was not water at all but that of piss.

Haha! Let's laugh at a poor woman's suffering, just because she wrote fanfic and some Christian fundie is butthurt!! So hilarious!

Albert responded with morbid laughter, “Now I see why I married you, the imagination you have is much more demented than mine will ever be. It is going to be strange how the Pastor reads our work, it is almost if it inspired a few of his sermons. Do you think that Ms. Thompson learned her lesson not to even begin to bastardize characters that didn’t belong to her –– true she might be a fan of my work, but what she did with my characters was just wrong in the eyes of God. I could only imagine what our pastor would of said to her if she got an email from him.”

Too bad this story is serious about it's subject matter. It would work as a parody. Oh, wait, Nicky already thinks he's made a genius parody. Sorry, but calling people who write fanfiction sinners that deserve to burn in hell is pretty damn cruel.

Alice responded with a look of horror to her face, “is this what you meant by your words giving me nightmares? You pulled me into a word world that would be said of the inferno by Dante. Am I alive or am I dead?”

Again, Dante's hell had no lakes of shit and piss.

Spending the rest of eternity in a coma, that would become the fate she was to suffer. The words that Albert said to her basically got to her in her sleep, that she has to spend the rest of her days within a fleshly coffin. Her death was not a psychical death but that of a spiritual one. She was thinking, I cannot be dead –– dear God, what have you done to me and why are you making me suffer like this? Is this the fate of what happened in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah? God let me wake up, please, I will swear off writing, I didn’t realize writing slash fiction was such an abomination before your eyes. I never thought I would be the subject of someone’s cerebral matter.

This is sooooo hilarious, right guys? Guys?

The Verdict
Yeah, I make fun of fanfics, but Jesus H. Christ. I don't wish any fanfic writers to burn in hell just because some fanfics are bad. And slash fiction can be pretty damn good if written right. Besides, the only author I've ever seen complain about slash fics was Ann Rice, and she was a loon to begin with. What is it with born-again Christians and being so homophobic?

2010 Update: I finally got the whole story on this...story shortly after I wrote this review, but I never managed to post my new opinions on it until now. Basically, for those not familiar with that fiasco, the woman Nicky originally wrote the story about was a fantasy writer (as in, a professional writer, not a fanfic writer) who gave Nicky some concrit on a message board. He got butthurt, like he usually does, and not only sent her threatening messages, he sent threatening messages to her daughter (who was underage) as well. The main character was, in fact, the writer that Nicky threatened and this was a hatefic against her. After a huge outcry against him, Nicky changed the name of the main character and removed all references of her being the same person.
As far as I know, Nicky still doesn't feel bad about what happened and still believes that this story is genuinely good.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Didn't You Promise Me You Would the audio drama

Oh boy!

My boyfriend took up my request to do a dramatic reading of a fanfic from this blog. So, now we're blessed with a very dramatic reading of Didn't You Promise Me You Would, the Invader Zim yaoi fanfic.

Just a warning, this is almost twenty minutes long. I didn't feel like making it a My Immortal-type video, so you guys just get the audio.

Download and stream it here.
Read the fanfic here. [update: the story has been deleted]

Monday, July 28, 2008

An Arrow of Love Part 3

An Arrow of Love by Msz MunchkinSZ
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh

It's been one week since the events of last chapter. Let's see what creepy not-incest is happening today!

Anzu’s Pov.

1 week later

After what happen that week in the back room no one said anything, I think the guards

were ashamed how Seto beat them merciless. But he was still mad at me for coming to

his rescue.

Oh well today his’s birthday and we finally get to see Mokuba and I bought him a

present. I might as well give it to him now, my dad has been working him so hard it just

wasn’t fair, he deserved much better than this.

“Hey Seto” I said, shyly, it’s so weird talking to him, the way he looks at me and an his

voice its like a dark melody and he’s always comforting me, I’ve grown much close to

him, he’s my first crush and he means more to me than anyone else besides Mokuba.

“Yes Anzu what's up?” he asked looking up from his work. “Umm Seto today’s your

birthday and well I kind of brought you a present” I said blushing ten shades of red.

“Ok what is it lets see it” he said. I know he likes duel monster and I thought of the

perfect gift from him that was in my deck I just hope he likes it. “Here you go Seto

Happy 13 birthday” I whispered to him and peck him on the cheek.

Aww, I was hoping she would go through with the eye transplant.

Seto’s pov

I looked at the gift Anzu handed me for my birthday, no one had done this for me in like

2 years. It was in a case I slowly open in it and what I saw in side took my breath away. It

was the Blue Eyes White Dragon card. I always wanted to hold this card she never told

me she had it even though we talked about duel monster. This card was one of the most

powerful card in duel monster’s and I always wanted it.

It's a love triangle now!

“Hey Anzu is everything alright” I asked softly she looked at me and nodded and turned

away. Liar I’ll try again “Anzu look at me and tell me what's wrong” I said more sternly,

she looked at me with fire in her eyes. “Damit! Seto! nothings wrong I’m fine” liar hm I

wonder if people get pay for lying. “Well it doesn’t look that way to me, what are you

hiding” I was becoming angry at her I thought she trusted me enough to tell me what's

wrong with her. Doesn’t she know how much I love her. Wait what the oh whatever I

love her big deal, its not like she feels the same way.

I'm going to start using "Wait what the oh whatever" in casual conversation now.

“why do you care?” she asked frustrated, I was taken aback with this question, I sighed

“Anzu the reason I care is because you’re a special person to me, you’re the one who’s

always here for me even when your father beats me you comfort me” I paused and looked

at her to see if I should continue her expression I took the risk.”Anzu what I’m trying to

say is that I’m in love with you but its alright if you don’t feel the same way back after all

I’m your brother –, I never finished my statement because she leaped into my arms “Silly

Seto I feel the same way you feel I’ve fallen in love with your since our first encounter”

she said and smiled and hugged me. “I love you too Seto forever and ever till the end of

time” she said looking at me and smiled. I looked at her and planted a kiss on her

forehead and said. “Well I’m glad you feel this way about me but we have to be careful I

don’t want your father to find out about us.”

This is supposed to be a sweet, touching moment. But, it's really damn creepy to me.

When we got to

Mokuba’s room he was excited to see us”Hey big brother and big sister where have you

guys been?” “Hey Moki um we’ve been a little bit busy with school and stuff” I never

lied to my brother before but I didn’t want him to worry it was completely unnecessary.

“Oh ok oh Seto by the way Happy Birthday!!” and handed me a locket to put around

my neck it shaped like a duel monster’s card and in was a picture of me and Mokuba

“thanks kid but where you got this from?” I asked him “One of the maids took me out

with her and I told her and she said she could make me it so I told her yes” he looked up

at me. I smiled it was one of the best birthday ever and I have had a beautiful girlfriend.

Lesson learned: Using the excuse "busy with school and stuff" is enough to please children when they want to know where you've been.

Suddenly, a guard tries to seduce Anzu!

“Hey brat” I

heard someone said, I knew who it was it was on of those guards that assaulted me.

“What do you want” she said with a lot of venom and hatred coming from her mouth.

“what where’s the boyfriend he’s not here to protect you now is he?” he was smirking

“don’t touch me unless you want to get a beating like the last time you jerk!” he touched

her how dare him! She was mine!! “Come on darling don’t be like that” that was it

Another lesson learned: Saying "Hey brat" to girls is a great way to pick them up.

“Don’t you dear touch her you incompetent bastard ” I growled out at him. “Or else I’m

going to have to teach you lesson and you don’t want Gozaboro finding out now do we” I

asked him I wanted to kill him with every fiber in me. He looked shocked that he got

outsmarted by a kid “You little bastard-” he was cut off my Anzu “Hi dad how are you?”

Anzu said sweetly standing next to me.

If calling a guy "incompetent" is outsmarting, I don't know what is.

The man quickly spun around with the look of horror in his face, “RUN!!”

screamed Anzu said and grabbed Mokuba's hand dragging him along with her. We were

all running that we didn’t notice the figure Anzu ran into, she looked up with fears in her

eyes. “I’m sorry Da--dad” she said her eyes looking ready to tear up. I took this as my

chance to step in and defend her “sir we was running away from the guard you hired and-

I couldn’t even get to continue “SILENCE!!” he said to me. “what did I tell you

Anzu?!” smack! “No running in the manor,” smack!.” Why are always you defying me?”

smack !! “STOP! YOU GOING TO KILL HER.” I screamed loudly Anzu was about to

go unconscious.” Shut up you brat!” he snapped at me.

He's going to smack her to death.

“Shut up and be

quiet little missy and listen to every word what I’m about to say” he paused and looked at

me and smirked. “I know all about your little infatuation with dear Seto”he pointed at me.

I heard Anzu gasped “now I’m going to send you away till you can act proper and do

what I want you too you’ll be going abroad for your studies you’ll be coming back when

your turn 16 and that’s that now get packing,” he said coldly “for you are leaving this

mansion as soon as possible now get out of my eyesight.”

I imagine Gozaboro saying this like Toya's dad in Tokyo Crystal Mew.

“you cant do that its not fair I wont go” she said SLAP!! “YOU LISTEN TO ME AND


YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!! NOW BE GONE!!” he roared with fury. “Fine I’ll go but I’ll

be back! And when I come back you’ll be your own downfall!!” slap!!”Get going Anzu”

he told her coldly.

I'm surprised his hand doesn't get tired from slapping preteens around so much.

No Anzu this is my doing I don’t love you as much

as I thought I had. We’re to different people please grasp that” I said the look on her face was

going to haunt me forever I know that. “Seto tell me your joking please?!” she begged “no I’m

not joking Anzu its better this way Good bye.”

I told her and gave her one LAST KISS…..


Chapter seven is the last one right now, and it's a bit boring. However, I will admit the author's grammar and sentence structure VASTLY improves.

The Verdict
While it's very very melodramatic and the grammar is awful the first six chapters, it improves on the seventh and I'm sure the author can do much better stories in the future. 2/5

Thursday, July 24, 2008

An Arrow of Love: Part 2

An Arrow of Love by Msz MunchkinSZ
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh

When we last left Kaiba and Anzu, it seems that they had their own little Groundhog Day, as the second chapter was exactly the same as the first. Hmm...

Anyway, it is now the next morning...

Seto, Anzu and Mokuba was sleeping on her bed, Mokuba in the middle and Seto and

Anzu on either side. The sun was shining threw their window Anzu was the first to wake

up she looked over at the her new brothers, and smiled. After her out burst last night she

and Seto got to know each other a little bit more and they had a lot in common for

example they both like duel monsters Seto told her his favorite card is the Blue Eyes

White Dragon but he never got a chance to buy it and that there super rare and they

only 4 that was built by Pegasus.

I had no idea that cards were actually built. Do they have little scaffolding, too?

Going to Anzu’s pov:

And also his birthday is coming up a few days from now so I don’t know what to get him

maybe I could get him blue eyes? I don’t know but hopefully he’ll like it. I was lost in

thought when the door to my bed room opened and in stepped the butler Nesbitt he never

really liked me, but he was never bad to me either.

I don't know if Kaiba would like an eye transplant for his birthday.

“Miss Anzu your father wants to see you and your brothers immediately in his office, so

if I were you I wouldn’t waste my time day dreaming” he sneered and walked out of the

room. Oh great ‘just what I need an ugly butler ordering me uhh what a good way to

begin the day’, she thought. I might as well wake up Seto and Mokuba.

“Mokie wake up sunshine” she said softly to his to ears he was up and he looked happy to

see me and his brother besides him. He soo cute I just hope my father doesn’t lay one

finger on him.

It's okay, guys! They aren't blood siblings! It's not creepy at all!

So, then Anzu, Mokuba, and Kaiba get into a pillow fight. Awwwwwwww...

“PILLOW FIGHT!!” Mokuba screamed and start hitting both of us with the pillow. We

all was having so much fun we continue yelling and screaming for half an hour or so.

Then my father came storming in my room and looking mad as hell and behind him was

Nesbitt the butler smirking at me.


“What the hell is going on here?!,” he yelled

“didn’t I tell you to meet me in my office and hour ago!!” I looked over at the Seto and

Mokuba, he was behind his big brother and he looked scared I looked at Seto and what I

saw shocked me he was looking at my father with determination on his face. My father

noticed this and slapped him and then said

“don’t look at me like that boy I will not tolerate this from the two of you!” he shouted

“Nesbitt take Mokuba out of here and give him something to eat I have to teach my two

disobedient children a lesson,” he said. He came over to Mokuba and practically had to

pried him off of Seto’s arm. He looked over at me for assurance so I just nodded, even

my father would never stoop that low and hit a three year old. Mokuba let go of Seto’s

arm and exited the room with Nesbitt.

Run-on paragraph much?

“Follow me” my father said in a freaky calm voice, we followed him threw the mansion

then we came across a room that I never saw before, there are parts of the mansion I’m

not allowed to go to I guess this room was one of them.

When we entered this room I was shocked in it was two beds, a bathroom but no

windows. That was when my father decided to speak he turned around and smirked at me

and Seto and started to talk.

“Now children this room is going to be shared by the two of you” he paused and continue

“and I expect it to be clean and kept well,” this was too much me sharing a room with


Woah woah woah. This is some Flowers in the Attic shit right here.

“uh father if you haven’t noticed I’m a girl and I need personal space” I stated simply not

to be mean or anything but sharing a room with a guy can be scary.

“Why Anzu I’m highly offended you don’t want to share a room with your brother Seto,”

he said coming towards me. I was slightly taken aback, what is he planning? I looked

over at Seto and he had the same look on him when Gozaboro hit him.

Then all of a sudden SMACK!! I think everyone in the mansion heard that slap it hurt

and the last thing I heard was someone screaming my name and then everything went black.

Aw hell, this is turning into a V.C. Andrews novel already.

“Now Seto this is your private tutor Mr. Makashi whatever he teaches you, you better

remember and also he has a right to whip you when you make any mistakes and the same

goes for my pathetic daughter as well.”

This man was NUTS first he knocks his daughter out and then he gives some tutor a right

to hit me how I hate this snake.

Prediction: Mr. Makashi is going to be a fundamentalist Christian.

“Step-father you’re a real snake--” before I even get to finished my sentence a book came

out of no where and hit me right in the head. then a punch came to my stomach I fell to

the floor trying to catch my breath when he said

“Well Seto you keep on rebelling and there will be more where that came from you got

that? you good for nothing piece of shit” he said. I didn’t had enough strength to argue so

I just said a tiny ‘yes’ and he smirked and started to tell me how things are going to from

now on. Just then Anzu started to stir

Then, Anzu is going to look at her pubescent body in the mirror when Kaiba accidentally comes down from the attic and sees her naked.

“well well if it isn’t our little princess what's wrong? You look like your hurt, well that’s

what you get for talking to your Daddy like that,” he sneered and smirked. “Well Seto I

should let Anzu and you get to your studies now don’t want you slacking now do we?”

“Huh what happen?” she asked softly before I could even response Gozaboro grabbed her

by her hair and said ”don’t ask questions pay attention to what you are taught don’t try to

distract Seto while he’s learning you little Whore” he said Anzu’s eyes widened and tears

start to fall “Now apologize for what you said to me yesterday and apologize for being a

disrespectful brat and mean every word you said.”

“I’m sorry for what I said to you and I’m sorry that I’m a disrespectful brat Father.”she


But suddenly, Anzu's father walks in and thinks that they're going to have sex! So, he tries to force Kaiba to cut Anzu's gorgeous hair, but he refuses! The next morning, Anzu wakes up to find her hair covered in tar.

So, two weeks later, Anzu and Kaiba are still living in the same bedroom.

Hell that’s all its been for me and Seto that bloody tutor-or was getting on my nerves I

hadn’t had a descent meal just water and breakfast and something for lunch. My father is

working hard on Seto, our tutor-or is teaching us about profits and involving business I

don’t want to be a part of this I want to be a dancer or a kindergarten teacher not some

bloody business person. I haven’t spoken to my little Mokie in weeks I asked my father

how was he and he told me to mind my own business. Right now Seto is with my father

training, my dad thinks he needs to toughens up and while there at it he’s discussing

business with him. Me and Seto were really close to each other now, I means he’s a really

sweet person and his eyes I think I could get lost looking in them. Holy Crap!! I think I

have a crush on my brother, not good he’s way too perfect for me, and he’s always strong

and doesn’t cry. And me I’m just a weakling brown hair blue eyes so what? Nothing

special, I’m just a plain Jane. How am I to get over this we live in the same room we

share the bathroom we practically live like a married couple. Hmmm being married to

Seto ‘uh what are you thinking he’s your brother for god sakes HE DOESN’T LIKE

YOU!GET OVER IT! HE’LL THINK YOUR SICK!’uh I have a headache I really need

some fresh air hm maybe I could just try and sneak out for a little while and clear my silly thoughts.

And then Anzu's father will slowly stop visiting them, except for when he lets them sneak into a Christmas party so they can see his new wife and their grandpa (who's a real jerk, lemme tell you).

Pain that’s all I can feel right now just one simple mistake and you get a chair handed to you.

“Now Seto I’ll ask you again what did I just say?” he asked. If your wondering what he’s

doing right now, my step father is teaching me the rules that he was taught while growing

up and let me tell you some of these rules are very stupid.

“Show no signs of pain, pain is weakness sir” I said trying to stand straight. He looked at

me “and what were you just doing Seto” he asked smirking.

But then, Anzu and Kaiba realize that they have some weird attraction toward each other and then have sex on a dirty old mattress.

“I was showing pain sir” I said but it hurts when he throws a damn chair or when he uses

his cat-o-nine tails. Its hurts when he hit me across my back with it. The stupid thing has

nine ends I felt like a slave. Everyday when I do something wrong he uses that on my

back. I never told Anzu this because she’ll would practically scream at him then he’ll

probably use it on her. Sharing a room with her isn’t bad, but she’s a girl and they like

privacy so I try to give her much as possible. We’re really closer now then ever she told

me about her childhood hey at least she had a memorable one. I haven’t seen Mokuba

these past few days I hope the kid was hanging in there. I have so many work to do like

tomorrow Gozaboro was going to test me on what I learnt so far on game theory and that

kind of crap, I never new being in the business field was so hard, you had to learn about

economics and social studies negotiate deals and bargains and contracts.

“Seto go to your room and tell my daughter I would like to see her we have business to

discuss” he stated simply.

Meanwhile, Mokuba dies of arsenic poisoning because Anzu's father didn't want him to get in the way of his relationship with his wife.

“I want to see my brother I said ignoring his comment” he looked back at me with fury in

his eyes and came up to me and grab by my collar “Did you not hear what I asked you to

do!!” he said shaking me and then threw me across the room.

“Seto I hate it when people are asked to do something and they want to go and do

something else” he said walking up to me. Just then two of his guards came in and

Gozaboro turned to them and said “makes yourselves useful and take him to the back

room and teach him a lesson that he’ll never forget,” he commanded. Oh no this cant be

good “what!! I didn’t do anything all I did was ask to see my little brother” I yelled as his

men were dragging me out of the room. I try to get out of their grip but they were really

strong. They were pulling me while I was shouting

“Damn you Gozaboro you’ll never get away with this mark my word!!,”I screamed out

loud. I was in the room where Gozaboro requested for the men to take me.

Did I mention the arsenic was in powdered donuts?

“Hey kid shut up or it’ll be ten times worse” he said and with that he started punching me

while the other guy was holding me. He threw punches in my stomach I hid my pain I let

them punch me. I would not let them see how weak i am, I’m strong I can fight this. They

kept taking their turns hitting me mocking me, telling me how I deserve this I choose for

it to happen. The other guy punched me in my face, I was going to pass out I had to stay

strong I would not let my emotions get the best of me.

“Seto!!” I heard someone scream, I knew that voice it was Anzu, she sound frighten I

looked in her direction and saw her running towards me. I felt her grab me in her hug, she

was crying she hates seeing me in pain she told me that herself, she hates seeing me in

pain, she probably will freak out but I think I love her, but I’ll never tell her because

she’ll probably freak out and runaway and never speak to me again. I held Anzu in my

arms, she was sobbing these past two weeks had took its toll on her.

“Why Seto why!!,” she screamed

Eventually, Anzu and Kaiba steal enough money from Anzu's dad to get some bus tickets and get the hell out of Dodge.

“shh Anzu everything’s going to be alright” I tried to tell her, sooth her, but she was then

snatched away from me by one of the guards. He was pulling her hair and he had that

look of lust in his eyes which was quiet disturbing. The other one was smirking at me he

started to punch me while Anzu screamed these punches were ten times worse.

“Seto no!! leave him alone! Please leave him” she yelled trying to free herself. I tried

dodging him. “What sweetheart can’t you see how pathetic he is, cant even stand up to

Keith you are going to watch him get his ass kicked while I hold you,” he laughed. That’s

it I felt a sudden adrenaline rush to me. I kicked the man where it counts and he felt to the

floor where it counts. Then I start punching him,

“hit him Seto hit him!!” Anzu screamed “let him feel your pain hit him hurt him!!” she

yelled. The guy on the floor was literally bleeding, at least this was what Gozaboro taught

me. “Come on Anzu lets run” and together we made our way to our so called room.

To be continued in 4 other books.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Break Post: My first flame!

Checking my Devart today, I came across a flame!

"Honey, remember that blog entry you did about crappy OBJECTION drawings? Don't criticize others when you can't draw worth crap, m'kay?"

When I went to go tell her my drawings don't have deformed heads, I find out she blocked me! Ha, what a coward. Goes to show you they can dish it out, but they can't take it.

By the way, let's do a comparison, shall we?

Here's my latest submitted work:

Here's her's:

I admit, she can do alright bodies, it's just her heads need some work. I mean, look:

Also, joke's on her, I'm going to art school to improve as an artist so I can do more than anime-style whatnot. And at least not all of my characters have big KAWAII ^_^ eyes and malformed heads.

Silly fangirls.

OH BOY UPDATE: Looks like she deliberately "blocked" her Devart on her own browser so she wouldn't see my comments anymore. By the way, I consider myself a fangirl, too. We fangirls are silly beings. We shouldn't take ourselves seriously. Oh, and she left three more comments on my Deviantart. Someone's a little cranky.

2010 Retrospective: Haha, oh memories. I still have her comments on my profile, so go ahead and read them. I admit, my responses probably weren't the best ever, but whatever. Heat of the moment stuff.
But, yeah, like the above says, she left a bunch of comments on my profile and claimed that she blocked me because I was "just going to flame [her]", which wasn't going to be the case, but whatever. She ended up writing a long journal entry about how she now hated Deviantart because everyone was mean and she was going to block it by using the parental controls on her browser, just so she wouldn't see all the mean comments anymore. To be honest, if she just would have said "I saw your blog and your comments struck a nerve with me. Can you please take it down?", I would have obliged. But, instead, she tried to make herself look like a martyr.
Anyway, all of her artwork and journal entries have since been deleted, so there isn't much use in copy/pasting those links.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

An Arrow of Love Part 1

An Arrow of Love by Msz MunchkinSZ
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh

Yeah, weird updates and shit. I know.

Anyway, today's story is about what happens when Seto Kaiba becomes Anzu Mazaki's step-brother and, oh, abusive parents.

Seto pov continue…

Seto pov continue….


Anzu came in looking like she’s just been beaten tears were running down her face, and

her face was black and blue and she was bleeding.

“Anzu!! Anzu!! Are you alright what happen?!” Mokuba cried and rushed over to her,

she was in pain I can tell she stood up for me in front of her dad, she’s a very brave and

courageous person to endure that.

Must...resist...Zero Wing joke...

“Its alright Mokuba’s it not that’s bad I’ve had worse” she stated smiling slightly but it

didn’t reach her eyes. She lean down to gather Mokuba in her arms and told him that

everything is going to be ok, and that Gozaboro wont ever harm him. He would never

harm my little brother not as long as I’m here, I made a promise to be here for him and

I’m not a person to break my words. Anzu hasn’t talked to me as yet, I gave her a look

over the marks are starting to show but she stopped crying along time ago now she was

was sitting on the floor with Mokuba in her arms rocking him slightly and telling him that

everything’s going to fine, she’ll always be there for him. That was touching I never met

someone who was caring as her.

Run-on paragraph much.

“Seto can you please come help me up here? I think Mokuba’s asleep”, she stated I went

over to her and Mokuba was asleep, I picked him up from her and put him on her bed.

There was no where in hell was I going out back there not until I get some answers from

Anzu. After I finished tucking him in I turned to her and sighed.

“Come on lets talk out here”, and she stepped out on her balcony, it was quiet for a few

seconds before she started to talk.

Oooh, a romantic moment!

“Remember when I left to go downstairs to get you an ice-pack and tissue for your

mouth?” I nodded for her to continue “My dad he was waiting for me in the doorway and

Seto he told me your going to get discipline, that’s not good Seto, and he’s

going to get rid of me cause he thinks I’m going to distract you and then I asked I’m if

he was done and he just smirked and grabbed me by my hair and start slapping me I tried

to escape him but he was too strong for me I screamed but no one heard me,” I just stood

dare looking at her in shocked she just endure all of that because of me , I suddenly felt

anger towards Gozaboro how dare him treat her that way?! What kind of father is he?

“and even if they did they wouldn’t have done anything about it,” she stated and just

smiled slightly,

Oh, at least it's not rape or anything.

“How did you convinced my dad to adopt you?”, I just shrugged

“I challenged him in chess we made a deal if I won he adopted me and Mokuba but now I

think I’m going to regret it”, I told her. she just looked at me and smiled and told me

“Seto you’re a KAIBA now we don’t run from our problems we face them, I know your

going to make good CEO for Kaiba Corp,” I was shocked me being a ceo? I don’t think I

can do that, but wait don’t Kaiba- corp is mostly about building weapons of destruction??

So many questions so little time, and wait isn’t she Gozaboro Kaiba’s only child and

heiress to the fortune why me??

When was Anzu ever heiress to the Kaiba Corp?

“Anzu what makes you think I’m going to run Kaiba-Corp one day?” I asked her, she just

looked at me and smile “Seto I’m a type of person who abhors to violence and building

weapons of destruction isn’t something I like to do. Our father is a man with power but

he likes to abuse that right, he likes to hurt people if anything doesn’t go the way he

wants he throws a fit and he normally takes his anger out on people”. What have you

gotten yourself into Seto?? Maybe I should just leave with Mokuba no!! Seto you

promised him the best in life and that’s what he’s going to get I will take over KC and I

will work my but off if I have to and rebuild everything and turn it into a gaming company that was always one of my dreams and to be duel monsters champ hmm so why not give it ago Seto?

What? This is making less sense as it goes along.

“Yes Anzu we’re friends” I stated simply and looked up at the stars, they reminded me of

my mom and she said that stars gave us hope. Thank you mom for sending me a new friend

like Anzu. For the remainder of the night me and Anzu talked we asked each other simple

questions and got to know each other it was getting late so I told her she should sleep but

she was very stubborn that’s one thing we had in common we’re both tenacious and we

could be vain when we want too, but other than that she’s not a bad person the more I

learn about her the more I feel to be there for her as her friend and not her brother ( he doesnt feel like her brother he feels more like a friend people) .

I looked at the stars and sighed and went to the room where Mokuba and Anzu was

sleeping, as soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep.

Normal Pov:

Unknown to Anzu and Seto there was someone watching them from the dark with a very angry expression.


The twist is that chapter two is exactly the same as the first.

Next time: Chapters three and four of this terrible epic.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Didn't You Promise Me You Would

Didn't You Promise Me You Would by zany-chan
Fandom: Invader Zim
[2010 Update: Yeah, I forgot to post the link to this, but it's dead, anyway.]

Yeah, I admit, I like IZ. But, I think GIR is annoying and I especially hate the fandom.

...So what if I shop at Hot Topic sometimes!? Shut up!


DYPMYW is a songfic set to the song Teen Angel. Oh, and it's an angst-fest.
So, Zim and Dib, being gay lovers and all, decide to kill themselves since they wouldn't be accepted by human and Irken societies. How romantic!!

I was with you. We had a plan to die together on top of this car on our railroad track we used to flatten pennies on. My human society and your irken society did not take us in. We were both defects on our two very different planets. I believed in you. We were gonna die together and be together forever. I was one for science and the paranormal but I didnt believe in a heaven or anything like it. Your whole culture besides a handful believed that you were just a dead corpse rotting in the ground after you died. I believed the same thing but you said there was another worldly type place. It was hard to figure out. I could never read you.

BUT! Dib starts to realize maybe he doesn't want to die! And Zim decides to kill himself anyway.

Then you turned to me, smiled and said that I had lied to you. I just looked at you confused . I had no idea on what you meant by that. You backed away from me and hesitated for a second at the most before running away with those painful tears threatening to fall from your eyes. Right back to my car I had gotten for my 16th birthday from Dad. It was nice to be rich.

So, Zim gets hit by a train. And we get some lovely purple prose.

Your soft green hand actually landed next to me when the train hit your small frame. I'm not sure how that happened but it did and I leaned down to pick it up. Something stopped me from doing it though and Gaz came to me as I looked at the sky. My own tears had fallen and I wanted so much to hold you and stare into your ruby eyes again.

Something didn't click still until I remembered what you had said a few days ago. We were talking about a homework assignment and out of no where you said, "If I were to ask if you would die with me and you said yes, would you actually go through with it?" I had thought it was a silly question and promised you that I would. Now I know that I really am a liar. I felt horrible and sick to my stomach. I fell to my knees, no longer looking at the dark night sky and vomited on the tracks. The train had been gone for about five minutes by then.

Gaz and a few other people helped gather the peices of you that were still recognizable. Unfortunately that ended up only being your left hand, a contact, and your leg. I only wanted your hand though. It held something dear to me in it. The ring I had given you on our one year anniversary that had just come up was grasped tight in your fingers. I didnt care about the gold blood that got all over my black band shirt. I was too depressed to think of what my clothes looked like at that moment. I felt like crap and most likely so did everyone else who dared to spend time with me over the next few days.

Then the fanfic descends into something even more terrible.

Dad had found a way to put you together again. At first I was skeptical because I hadn't thought your alien cells wouldn't come together right with Dad's device. He promised me it would work on you even if you were an alien. They weren't going to disect you. I laughed when Gaz and Dad told me that. Only it wasnt a normal laugh. It was hysterical. Just like I was the few weeks before your funeral. I had gone on a rampage destroying almost everything near my house and in yours. Gir had decided I was its new master but I fixed him a while ago so he really did act like a SIR unit. It didn't matter anymore. I had to get away and almost killed myself twice trying to. Those stupid gnomes always shot at me everytime I went by. Those things killed Mrs. Bitters. Not that I'm complaining but it was still sad. She was cremated after everyone failed to find any evidence I did it.

Your body finally came back together about a week later. It had taken time for your cells to respond to the machine and I was there when the peices (oh so many were small) came back together Your golden blood sprayed around for a while as pieces came back but I was the only one not wearing a suit. Your blood had touched me before just like mine had touched you. You had always been one for sadism only your claws had always got burned in the process. I had found a way to make water not hurt you. It involved digging into your pak and after I was done it could be taken off and make you human. Now your dead though so I watch them tear the pak off and they hand it to me saying something about how it can be a way to remember you.

Into a terrible, rambling mess.

They put you in a coffin right after I left to take the pak home. Gaz met me there. She's been such a great sister this whole time. She's actually starting to be a normal girl everywhere not just at high skool where its expected of her. She doesnt play video games around anyone anymore, but she always has her Ipod near. I suspect that she plays her video games while listening to it. Games had been her way of ignoring the world thinking it was ruining her. Now music was the expressive way. She doesnt wear her dress and leggings anymore with that skull. Nope. She doesn't. She's more into the emo style now. I thinks she cuts but it can't be too bad because its not on her wrists. I think its her ankles or upper arm. Those areas were never shown and still aren't. I suspect I'm right but I'll probably never know now that your gone. You two were so close. At the funeral today I cried and so did she. That was the first time I had ever seen her cry. It made me sob even harder and I actually ran to your coffin and held your body before they could close the casket to move and bury. Gaz walked closer and held the one hand I hadn't covered. My body was shaking violently and the tears were running down my face at an alarming pace. I think I scared your Tallest. They had come to take your body away but decided against it when I began crying to them about it. I had cried so much this past month or two. I can't remember how long it was. Finally Gaz pulled me off and they took you away to your burial spot. I wasn't allowed to go so I stayed with your Tallest and we had a long bitter conversation about how they planned to take over the planet.

And then, we get this:

I said I didn't care and that I wouldn't stop them if they tried. Most of the converesation was questions and answers and finally after an hour of talking I blurted out that you were pregnant and that they could share everything with humans if they wanted to.

Then, Dib becomes obsessed with visiting Zim's grave.

I finally left your grave and got in the car with Gaz. She took me twice everyday. once after lunch and once after supper. I didn't want to drive and she said that it was okay. The high skool had gotten used to it and had switched my class to a study hall after lunch instead of P.E. and Gaz had that same study hall already so it was easy for her to leave. After a while I started going at night only after supper and my schedule was back to how it originally was at skool. I quit going every night after a month and began only visiting your grave twice a week which mellowed down to once a month. I had been visiting your grave for almost 18 months until Gaz refused to drive me anymore. I had turned 18 in that time and Gaz was moving out with her new boyfriend. She'd changed her style to punk a few months before meeting him and they hit it off almost immediatley.

Finally, Dib meets another Irken and they become gay lovers, too! Awwww...

I finally agreed to drive myself. I had gone so many times that week but finally went back to my normal schedule of once a month and met a guy at the store I worked at. I was putting away some perverted movie rented by my own dad and had looked to the left. I thought it was you at first but then realized it was another Irken. I hadn't seen too many irkens and had never figured out how to tell them apart. You had always said it was hard to tell humans apart but your technology was further advanced so your pak could program what my voice sounded like so you could tell me apart from everyone else. That guy I met became someone I worked with. His disguise was just as crappy as your and I asked him out after closing up one night. He said that you had been one of your best friends and that yes he would because you had told him it was your duty to take over for him.

I guess you really did love me because this Irken you sent as a substitute for you helped me out and we stayed together. We went twice a month to visit your grave. Both of us had been former lovers to you although the most you and the other Irken had done was hug and kiss and go out. I smiled a genuinely sad smile the first time I went to your grave with him and could have sworn I heard you say you loved us both. I silently whispered to the wind, "And we love you too." The Irken next to me smiled and must have heard both me and you. He said something in your language and your reply was also in that language.

I found out there was really was an afterlife after all. Only it wasn't how anyone dreamed it to be. It was greater then that but I wouldn't know for sure until I died.

The Verdict:
If I may take a page from Blogger Beware: What.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Horrible Fan Art: OBECTION!

I love Ace Attorney. It's one of my favorite series, especially since very few characters really annoy me (Dhalia and Iris). But, the fandom is full of creepy people, like Sailor Moon.
Anyway, one of the most popular parts of the series is, of course, OBJECTION!
This has led to some pretty bad fanart from not only fangirls, but fetishists, too. ugh.
Note that I got all of this just by searching "objection" in DeviantArt.

And already we're hit by the fat furries.


No, it's not Morgan Webb, guys. Sorry.

Apollo has a weird-shaped head. [2010 update: the artist has since deleted not just the picture, but also her whole profile. You can read more of that story in the "My First Flame" entry!]
We don't need a fat Mia Fey. Her boobs are big enough already. [Update: Artwork has since been deleted]
on a related note:
I hate inflation fetishists.

What the hell is it with furries and Phoenix Wright? I swear, there's a ton of furry art like this.
It's also popular to take screenshots of anime and TV shows where a person is pointing dramatically and put OBJECTION! on them. Yes, I know Haruhi parodied AA at one point, but it's still fucking lame.

And so, art like this (except for my genius movie poster) is the reason why I pretend the AA fandom is only less than 10,000 people and none of them are creepy.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Inflatable Movies

Sweet Bajeesus, it's been a while. Well, I'm now a High School Graduate, so I guess I have more free time. Woop woop.

Inflatable Movies by Primrose1973
Fandoms: Lady and the Tramp, Real Person Fic, The Red Balloon, The Simpsons
(for those who are too lazy for Google, Sally Rand was an actress during the 1920s and 30s)

WARNING: This entry has things having to do with crazy fetishes. If you really don't like the thought of people with creepy balloon fetishes, then feel free to skip this entry. However, if you're a masochist (or you just can't help yourself) keep reading!

As stated in my nice little disclaimer there, this is a story about balloon fetishes. No, not inflation fetishes (although that's just as creepy). These people get turned on by actual balloons.

So, our story begins with a crossover. I might as well post it in its entirety, since it's very short.

Sally Rand and The Tramp played on an illuminated stage with a large, crystal clear and round balloon, that were illuminated by the hundreds of light on the stage.

After the dog and the girl had pushed the balloon over to each other for a while, was Sally removing her clothes, and the girl began to sit and rode on the dog with the squeaking balloon between them for a while, as they moaned softly.

Then was Sally rubbing the balloon all over The Tramp's body, and it made Sally came for the first time, as her liquid splattered out on herself, the balloon and the dog.

The horny girl laid and rubbed the giant balloon against her bare genitals in some minutes until she finally released her juice again, and after the two friends had laid and relaxed, was Sally taking her clothes on again, and deflated the wet balloon.

...ick. At least it wasn't direct bestiality, right? RIGHT?!

Next, we cut to a short story involving The Red Balloon. I'm not going to copy it here, since the character in this case is a little kid. Yeah, I hate most adult fan fiction. Why AFF authors sink so low as to do stories about little kids is a mystery to me.

The last one is a Simpsons story, and again, I refuse to repost it here due to underage characters.

The Verdict
Balloon fetishists are silly and having little kids have sex in fanfics is disgusting. 0/5